Nothing without you[Nickloon]

chapter 9 - just for me, smile after everything

IM HOME AHHHHHH!1!1!1!1!1 NO MORE HOSPITAL🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️

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"Nickel, Nickel, I know you're in there. Please just let me in."

That voice.. it sounds so nostalgic for no reason at all, and for some reason, it hurts deep in my chest for some reason. I had no motivation to get up. My whole body felt at faint, I could feel myself make no movement at all.
After a few more knocks and call outs, I decided to check on it.
My hand trembled as I stood before the door. Why was it so hard all of a sudden, I didn't feel myself anymore, I quickly broke loose of my thoughts before I clicked the door open.

"Nickel!"

The voice sounded more familiar now, I looked up and saw.. Baseball..? What was he doing here? I mean, I'm not mad about seeing him, but it hurts to just know he's here in front of me.

I should say something before baseball thinks something is wrong.

"Uh hey, BB, what are you doing here?"
my voice came out rustier than any rotting satue.

"Nickel! A-Are you okay?"
He said in a worried tone.

I stood in silence as I remembered what had happened. I hated it, and I hated it more than anything.

"Nickel, can we please talk?"
He spoke once more.

I'll just tell him I'm already blocking out the person I like already.

"Just come in."

I opened the door wider as he travelled inside, I let out a sigh before closing the door.

"So?"
I questioned.

"Uhm..I uh-kind of heard you.. and balloon and suitcase fighting.. but i also heard that balloon kissed you?"

Hearing those words made me grip onto my chest, right. He liked me as well, I didn't wanna talk anymore. It would get more painful the more I'll mention it.

"It's fine if you don't wanna talk! But.. could you answer a question?"

I let out a breath "what" I mumbled loudly.

"Did you like balloon back..?"

My eyes widened as a sudden cold feeling rushed through my spine, I could feel my face heat up, but it still felt so cold, I sucked myself in as I answered his question.

"Yes.. yes, I did.."
A deep feeling of guilt washed down my face.

"Then.. what happened? Why did you write that in your dairy..?"

The more the experience had to get mentioned, the more my heart cramped as my lungs started to feel like they were coming towards an end.

"The diary was outdated. It was in early episodes of season 3.. I didn't trash it out for some reason. "

I felt like I explained enough that I couldn't let another word leave my mouth. Before I knew it, cold salty tears started pouring down my face,  it felt horrible, I felt horrible.
I tried wiping them while I knew baseball was looking at me, more tears kept spilling out as I remembered the experience over and over again, I manage to take control of myself as I looked up at baseball.

"N-nickel!?"

"Can you please just leave."

"But-."

"JUST GET OUT!? WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND!"

I sobbed and sobbed as baseball sat there with his eyes widened, I felt deep in anger and guilt, I didn't want to feel like this, I wanted to escape this never-ending pain.

"Nickel, I'll leave, but.. please, I wanna understand how you feel."

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
My voice started to crack at the end.

My vision was getting blurry as I saw baseball slowly get up from my bed at walk towards the door, he glanced a me for a bit with a frown before exiting through the door, I quickly got up, I tripped slightly but i got up and locked the door.
I heard voices crawl into my ears. They were asking baseball what happened.

That pain still wouldn't go away, I fell weak in my knees as I sobbed and let out cries, I've never felt this. This hurt so much, and I was a mess. I let out more faint sobs as I muttered under my breath. My chest felt like it was closing up.
After a mild breakdown that I was facing ended, I made my way to the window. My breath was shakey as my tears were still dropping one by one, I managed to catch a glimpse of the sun, and I still felt cold after everything.

(If you saw this on tiktok, it's me.)

"Why can't things just get better?" I muttered under my breath.

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777 words cuz I got lazy on this.
I didn't proofread bc I wanna sleep.
BALLOON ANGST NEXT WOOPIE!!!!!!!!!