Nothing without you[Nickloon]

chapter 18 - familiarity

I'm finally done with that fucking tik tok video and now I can finally finish this(July 21st)

I wanna fart really badly (guys plz stop being late before I knock on ur windows)
(FUN FACT! This was written 5 days ago, and I had farted already!)

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Nickels' pov :

Huh..?

Nothing came out of my mouth, I felt like I was in pain, I was in pain.

I can't make anything out. My body felt like it was unable to move, I knew I was alive since it was really painful, but why can't I move..

I realised I was on the floor, my bed near me, if only I could scream for help but my door was locked, it was cold, but I could feel a really sharp heat in my chest, if only I could just get up already.

Jeez.. I just wanna go to bed.. why am I grieving over someone who clearly...-

He doesn't hate me..

Why would he hate me?

But..

why wouldn't he hate me..?

I felt my hands reach over my elbows, hugging myself, still laying on the floor, unable to make a single movement.. I slowly reached my hands up to my throat..

Just let me.. I want to...

I slowly started squeezing my throat,  blocking my breath in every way possible, I slowly started to close my eyes, still unshut but gently drifting away.

He hates me.

He really hates me.

Why do I feel like this? Everyone says they hate me! But balloon just never said it to my face.. why am I so sure he hates me?

I squeezed my throat even tighter.

He hates me.

I suddenly just felt the need to cry. My breathing was unable to remain steady, I just don't want to live like this anymore. If I just.. stop existing, he would be happy, no pressure left for him because of me.

I don't care if he dies, but I have no intention of him dying.. I don't care about him.

I squeezed my throat even tighter. 

I don't care.

My breath came out as hitches of sobs, I felt near.

I don't care about him.

*knock*

I immediately flinched as I sat right up. My breath was unsteady, and I was sweating intensely, i grasped on the floor with my eyes widened. Tears are still flowing down my eyes as I stare at the door. I realized what I was doing.. i rubbed my throat a bit. It was hurting.. why was I doing that..?

I rubbed my eyes, I don't want to answer the door, just not right now.. or ever.. I covered my face with my hands as I was trying to steady my breath as hard as I could.

*knock*

I don't want to answer the door. Please, can the person just go away already?! I can't..

"N-nickel.. are you in there?" A familiar voice called out.

It was just a second before the voice shot through me. How could I not recognize that voice.

Baseball. He's not supposed to be here. Well, I guess Knife is staying here for now, but that's beside the point! Why is he even here. I want to see him, just one last time, but I just can't..  I can't do anything. I'm pathetic.