Without you. - [Chenford Story]

Chap 5 : One year of you.

It was 7 a.m. that Sunday morning when he heard soft babbling coming from his little one's bedroom. She was awake. He opened her door and approached her crib. When she saw his face, she called him "Dada." He felt a wave of pride, just like before. He scooped her up and hugged her close.

" Happy birthday, little monster. One year ago, I met you for the first time. And from where she is, your mummy is wishing you a happy birthday too. She loves you. I love you."

Ellie smiled and hugged her father back. His baby was now one. Together, they went to the kitchen for breakfast. Afterward, he set her down for some playtime. There was so much to do today—a tiny party with the gang. Angela had helped him plan it, though he'd had to rein in her enthusiasm. He wanted it simple: music, photos, a cake, some gifts, and beers for the grown-ups. Around 1 p.m., after feeding Ellie, he laid her in her crib for a nap.

By the time everyone arrived, Ellie was awake and thrilled to see them. This was her family too. Everyone took turns holding her, each noticing how much she resembled Lucy—her eyes, her smile.

Tim placed the cake on the table, lit the single candle, and held Ellie in his arms. The group sang the traditional "Happy Birthday" before Tim and Ellie blew out the candle together. She was officially one. The room erupted in applause, and Ellie laughed joyfully.

Angela set Ellie on the floor and handed her the first gift. Ellie gleefully tore the wrapping into tiny pieces, giggling with each rip. Beneath the paper were books and games—lots of games—and clothes from everyone. Then it was Tamara's turn. She brought out a small paper bag, sat on the floor with Ellie in her lap, and opened the gift. It was a fabric photo album she had made herself.

" See, baby? You can carry it everywhere with you. Look, here's you a year ago. And this is your mummy and Dada. There's the gang. And here's you and me. There are more photos inside. If you miss someone, just open it. Happy birthday. I love you. Always."

Tamara kissed Ellie and let her explore the gift. Then she stepped aside, her eyes glistening with tears. Angela noticed and joined her a few minutes later.

"You okay?"

"One day, she'll feel like I do—living without her mum. I lost mine. She lost hers. Nothing can fill that emptiness. Even though Ellie won't remember her, she'll still miss her."

"She'll be proud of you, you know."

Tamara smiled as Angela pulled her into a hug.

Later, everyone was in the garden, and the kids were playing. Tim handed Angela a beer and sat beside her.

" Thanks."

" For what?"

"For this."

"Anything for her."

"I can't believe she's one. Time flies..."

"One day, they're one, and in a blink, they're eighteen."

"Angela, please..."

"You do realize she'll grow up, right?"

"Very funny. Can we just let her be one for now?"

"Fair. What was your gift?"

"I'll give it to her tonight."

"You've done an amazing job with her, you know."

"Really?"

"Yes. Trust yourself, Tim. Even when you feel lost or unsure, she'll love you no matter what."

They talked for a while longer. By 7 p.m., everyone had left. It was just him and Ellie again. Exhausted, she drank her bottle as Tim carried her to her room for their bedtime routine. He sat her down and spoke softly.

"Ellie, Dada has something for you."

She smiled as he handed her a package. She opened it to reveal a framed photo of her and Lucy, taken a year ago.

"See? It's you and Mama. The day you were born."

He placed the frame beside her bed, and she pointed at it. As he stood to settle her crib, Ellie took a step.

"Babe, come quick, she's—"

The realization hit him again. She wasn't there. The ache was sharp. He pulled out his phone and started recording. Ellie was walking—pointing at the frame, taking small, determined steps.

"Mamamama."

"Yes, baby. That's you and Mama."

Pride and sorrow mingled in his chest as he held her close.

"I'm so proud of you, and so is Mama. But now, it's time for bed. Maybe she'll visit you in your dreams to wish you a happy birthday."

He kissed her, laid her in her crib, and quietly shut the door. In the stillness, he sent the video to Angela.

From Tim to Angela:
"Look at her. She's growing up too fast. Thanks again for today."

From Angela to Tim:
"Well done, peanut. You're welcome. What was her gift?"

From Tim to Angela:
"Her first picture with Luce."

From Angela to Tim:
"Hey, Tim, are you okay?"

From Tim to Angela:
"I don't know. I can't stop thinking about one year ago when everything was perfect. We were over the moon—the three of us. She's missing so much. Ellie just walked, Ang', and her mum isn't here to see it. I guess I have to hold on to these memories because she's not coming back. Anyway, I saw you talking with Tamara earlier. Was she okay? And can we talk about the perfect gift she made for Ellie?"

From Angela to Tim:
"We talked about her mum and how one day Ellie might feel the same way she does. I think she's worried about that. Tamara knows what it's like to grow up without a mum—how painful it is—and I think she's concerned about Ellie feeling that way in the future. It was a perfect gift. But Tim, give yourself time. Everything happened just four months ago. You're going to be okay. One day."

He wished Angela goodnight and sent a text to Tamara.

From Tim to Tamara:
"She can walk now. Thank you again for your gift—it's one of the best. It means a lot. Really, Tam. She's lucky to have you in her life. I know things are hard, but you can always talk to me if you need to. My home is yours—we're family."

The night ended with Tim opening Lucy's memory box for Ellie. He added the Polaroid from earlier and sat down to write a letter:

"Baby, you turned one today. And guess what? You walked too. I'm so proud of you, and I know Mummy is too. You were our best surprise. You made us happier than we ever imagined. The first nine months, it was the three of us. Then something happened. Even though Mummy isn't here, never forget how much we loved each other. You are the proof of that love. You were my sunshine this year, even in the darkest moments. Please don't grow up too fast. I'm not ready. I love you. Mummy loves you. Unconditionally."

He sealed the letter, labeled it "1 Year," and placed it in the box. As he lay in bed, he turned to a photo of him and Lucy.

"Goodnight, love. I miss you. We miss you."

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24/05/2024 : Hi everyone! Hope you are ok. I tried to put some not sad things inside. But he's grieving.. it's been only 4 months. It can't be all happiness so soon, but it will ! I hope you enjoyed it anyway ! Vote and comment, it helps ! :) ! Thank you so much ! Take care.