In A Home, In A Heart Beat [Ruby Da Cherry // $uicideboy$]

Waiting

The date of the concert grew closer and closer, I felt both anxious and excited. That week, Life  in general began to establish a sort of equilibrium. I seemed to be getting along well with my new friends at school, and was able to keep myself from further incidence of embarrassment. I was excelling in class and doing well on all my assignments. I was growing closer to Leigh Ann, her and I bonded tremendously well for only having known each other for what, less than a week? Her and I actually had quite a bit in common; same taste in music, movies, boys - we both screeched in delight having discovered we share a mutual celebrity crush - Rory Culkin! Specifically, him in the movie Lords of Chaos. Be still my heart...

Thursday of that week Leigh Ann offered to take me home after school, which I initially declined. It was glaringly obvious to me that Leigh Ann and I were from different socioeconomic backgrounds, but it certainly didn't seem like Leigh Ann had any clue. And if she did, she didn't let it show.  I was afraid of her seeing my crappy apartment home in one of the worst parts of town. I do my best to keep my circumstances and living situation hidden.And the thought of her meeting my mom made me cringe.

"Why not? I don't mind. Seriously, let me take you home."
" No no, you don't need to do that" I quickly replied.
"Why not?" Leigh Ann curiously asked.
"Because...." I sighed deeply, and paused for a moment to think.
In a moment of bravery, I decided to be candid with my new friend.
"Leigh Ann, my life is.. complicated, messy, disturbing and it's... I don't know. I just don't want you to think less of me."
Leigh Ann's face twisted into a look of concern and confusion.
"I'm extremely confused. What exactly are you saying?"

I gave her the abridged version; my mother's drinking is getting progressively worse by the day, I live in an unkempt and rundown apartment on the "wrong" side of town, and we had no money. None. We relied on government assistance and moms SSI disability checks. And after bills and moms essentials ( beer + cigs), we had less than pocket change left. I explained that my home life was a source of great shame. I left out the part about not having any food at home.
Leigh Ann turned to face me directly and I saw she had tears in her eyes.

" I don't care about any of that, and I won't judge you for any of this. You are my friend now. We are friends, right? Please let me help you. You're my friend and I want to help you."

My new best friend is a saint, an Earth angel. Her kindness and empathy made my heart swell. Accepting 'help'-in whatever form that meant to Leigh Ann -  wasn't something I would consider, I never wanted to seem like a burden.  But I decided her giving me a ride home from school every once in a while wouldn't be so bad. And just to save Leigh Ann from potentially meeting my mom I had her drop me off at the front of the apartment building - just to be safe.

 
Each day I came home from school to the same scene. Mom either passed out in her room or sitting up in bed watching daytime TV, drink in her hand. We exchanged very few words, we both seemed to avoid each other on purpose, but for different reasons. I avoided mom because she was insufferable. Mom avoided me because her guilt ate  her alive. Rightly so.

Friday, the day before the event, all of my classes seemed to fly by. I got home that afternoon from the bus and found myself with nothing to do. I was caught up on all school assignments and studying. Mom finally received our food stamps, and had somehow found the energy and sobriety to make a trip to the grocery store. Our pantry and fridge were completely stocked with food and drinks. Mom had even cooked shepard's pie, one of my childhood comfort meals. It had been ages since she made shepard's pie. Hell, it had been ages since she cooked a meal at all.  Once in a while I catch a glimpse at the woman mom used to be and it made me ache. I like to think she's still there, just buried under a lifetime of trauma, abuse, and addiction. We talked for a few minutes that afternoon about school, and every day normal things before she retreated to bed for the evening. It was nice. A rare positive interaction that I was grateful for despite my bitterness towards mom.

The apartment was quiet except for the low hum of the fridge and the occasional noise from the apartment above ours. Since I survived my first week in New Orleans I decided to treat myself to something I'd kept hidden. I dug into one of the many unpacked moving boxes and pulled out a jar with weed and a separate small box with my grinder and papers. I quietly ground up the contents of the jar and rolled a joint - what might end up being the last one for a while. No local connections + no money = no weed. I stole a lighter from moms room and retreated to my room to open my bedroom window. I lit the joint and inhaled deeply, holding it in for a couple of seconds before exhaling. The relief and sense of calmness engulfed me almost instantly.

I laid on my back and continued to mindlessly scroll on various social media apps. Ari came up as a suggested friend on facebook. I clicked his profile out of curiosity. I didn't see anything particularly interesting, no posts or photos of him with his family, or any indication of who he was as a person. Just a few photos of him behind his drum set, some of him with a guitar.  He must not really care for social media, I thought to myself. But I could tell he did really care for music.

I clicked off his profile and continued with my scrolling before texting Leigh Ann to verify the plan for tomorrow. She was going to come get me in the afternoon before the  event so we could get "ready" together. She confirmed plans and said she'd be here around 6pm. I thought about asking her if she knew that Ari's band would be playing at the event tomorrow, but decided against it. I didn't want Leigh Ann to mistake my curiosity for interest.

I texted her and said I was excited for tomorrow and that I was going to bed a little early. I locked my phone screen and stared at the ceiling while I finished my joint. I smoked down to my fingers and extinguished the rest into an ashtray by my bed. I closed my eyes and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

A/N*********************************************
Who doesn't love a slow burner of a story? I never intend to drag out a chapter  filled with "fluff". This chapter isn't particularly exciting. But with that being said...
Your patience is appreciated and will be rewarded.
As always, comments and critiques welcome *************************************************