Back to my Alpha's Embrace (Omegaverse Series #2) | SPG

Ikadalawampung Kabanata - Ang Paghatid

Napatitig naman ako kay Takeru when he opened the window and looked at me. My heart is beating so fast, and it's as if it’s going to jump out of my chest. I stood by the side of the road, looking at him in a daze. My heart is racing, and my emotions are battling.

Memories of our past started to flood into my mind, both sweet and painful memories we shared together before we ended everything between us. The car in front of me is the very same car he always used when we were going out or when he was picking me up. It gives me a lot of fear knowing that every part of this car in front of me has memories.

I bit my lip, a nervous habit I developed after we broke up when I was uncertain about something. I didn’t reply first. I looked around, searching for a taxi that would pass by, trying to distract myself from the internal struggle I was facing inside me.

I really wanted to decline. I looked at him, and he looked like he was hurt and wanted to cry. Ako ba ang may kasalanan kung bakit ako nagdadalawang isip? Hindi ba niya naisip na baka masaktan niya ako? Does he think I never thought everything between us after we broke up was nothing? Sa tingin ba niya wala lang ang lahat sa akin?

I am hurt whenever I see him, but what can I do? I want to see him. I want to be with him, even if it's for work.

He smiled at me awkwardly. "You don’t have to if you don’t want to," he said, almost making me fall from where I was standing.

Shit! Bakit ba tuwing bibigyan niya ako ng ganiyang ngiti ay pakiramdam ko parang gusto ko na lumapit sa kaniya at halikan siya? I really want to be with him.

I sighed. "Alright," I said, opening the car door beside the driver’s seat.

Wala na akong magagawa. Kung maghihintay pa ako ng matagal dito para sa taxi, anong oras na ako makakauwi. Isa pa, gusto ko na rin naman magpahinga. And even though my heart is pounding so loudly in my chest, I still want to be with him, only me and him, even for a second. Kahit na hindi kami mag-usap, okay na sa akin.

My emotions were unstable. I felt like all the emotions I'd been trying to bury started to resurface. I slide inside the shotgun seat after gripping the door of the car.

A familiar scent of the car washed over me. The memories of us inside this car—the memories we shared together—flooded my mind in an instant.

I secretly took a deep breath, looked at Takeru, and said, "Aren't we getting going?"

"Oh," Takeru said, in a daze. "Right," he added, and he started the car.

I looked away. I looked outside the window. The silence between me and Takeru was heavy. In my mind and heart, the whirlwind of my emotions and memories played together like a television. It was like a film reel in my mind as well.

I closed my eyes and started to take in everything. The laughter, the arguments, the stolen kisses, the sex we had in this car—they all flashed back in my mind. Bakit ba kailangan ko maalala ang mga ito? I know I always reminisce about the past, but why should I reminisce about it when I am with him? Parang gusto ko na lang umiyak.

My emotions, I could tell that everhthing inside me is in turmoil.

Napa-tapped na lang ako ng daliri sa hita ko. Dapat ba ako magsalita o hindi? Kung mananatili akong tahimik, magiging awkward ang lahat sa amin. Pero kung magsasalita rin naman ako, paano kung may masabi ako na mas lalong ikaka-awkward naming dalawa?

Ayoko naman na may mangyaring hindi maganda sa amin. Wala na nga kami tapos mauuwi pa kami sa diskusyunan? Isa pa, wala rin naman akong masasabi sa kaniya.

The silence was heavy, and it contained unspoken emotions between us.

Alam ko na gusto n’ya rin na magsalita, alam ko rin naman na may gusto rin siyang sabihin. It’s just that, we don’t know what we have to say.

Para akong napatingin sa mga mata ni medusa nang mabato ako sa kinauupuan ko nang marinig ko ang pag-clear ni Takeru ng kaniyang lalamunan, it was to break the silence between us.

Will he say something?

"Hey," he said softly. Ramdam na ramdam ko na mayroong kakaiba sa kaniyang boses. I know that he is hesitating, but somehow, his voice fills with sincerity as well. "I know this is unexpected..." Napalingon naman ako kay Takeru. Although he’s still looking at the road, with his emotions in his face, I could tell what he was going to say. "I… don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. It’s just that… I…"

My heart skipped a beat. "I know." I cut him off.

Alam ko ang sasabihin niya and somehow, I don’t want to hear it. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero pakiramdam ko, kapag narinig ko iyon, pakiramdam ko ang mga pader na itinayo ko para protektahan ko ang sarili ko ay guguho.

I don’t want to feel miserable again, but I also want to hear him. But I don’t want to hear it, at least for now.

I know. I missed him too. But, despite those emotions, I don’t want to ruin everything. I know he is now doing well, and without me, I know he could reach a greater height.

Nakikita ko naman na mayroon din siyang internal struggle. However, his hand reaches mine. My eyes widened. I bit my lip. I know it was wrong, but I don’t want to remove his hands from mine.

Hindi na lang ako nagsalita, hinayaan ko na lamang siyang hawakan ang kamay ko habang ang isa naman ay nasa steering wheel. After all, I missed this. Even though I know that this is wrong.

"Um, your address?"

Napatigil naman ako sa pagtingin sa labas ng bintana ng kotse at napatingin kay Takeru. Does he really not know? I mean, he saw my resume. Iniwas ko na lang ang tingin ko at tumingin ulit sa labas. It was near my apartment already.

Hindi mo nga ba alam kung saan ang apartment ko? Bakit alam mo na sa parte na ito ako nakatira?

"Just drop me off at that convenience store," I said, pointing at the convenience store near my apartment.

Kahit na alam ko na alam ni Takeru kung nasaan ang apartment ko, hindi pa rin ako ready na ibaba niya ako roon. After all, we don’t have that kind of relationship. He’s my boss, and I am only his employee.

Isa pa, ayoko rin naman malaman ni Takeru ang lugar kung saan ako nakatira. It wasn’t that great compared to the apartment we used to live in when we were still together. I yearned for him, yes, but right now, I wanted to guard myself from its destruction. We used to share every detail, but it was before we broke up.

I fiddled with my fingers, and then the car stopped in front of the convenience store. "You really don’t want me to drop you off in front of your apartment?"

My heart skipped a beat. Shit, why do I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack? This man still knows how to make him look cute!

"I… I appreciate the offer," I began, giving him a smile. Although my voice held uncertainty, I still continued. "But you can drop me off here."

I froze when I saw Takeru’s expression flicker. It was full of disappointment, but somehow I could see that he also understood it. "Sure, no problem." He smiled at me.

"Thank you for the ride," I said softly, meeting his eyes briefly. I wanted to say something more, but I refrained. "Bye," I added.

He uttered an un," and then he smiled.

I bid him good-bye, and his car started to move again. Now, he’s gone.

"Take care, Takeru," I whispered.

I know he didn't hear it, but I still wanted to say it. Hindi ko kasi alam kung masasabi ko pa talaga ito sa kaniya ng harapan. I don't want to cause him trouble, and all I wish is for him to be well.

His car disappeared, leaving an ache in my heart.

I went towards the entrance of the convenience store and took a deep breath. My thoughts were swirling. I was confused. Everything happened so fast that I couldn’t react and had already started to accept his simple gesture.

I looked at my hands, trying to feel his hand in mine again. I know that I promised and made a choice to protect myself from the pain, but I wonder if it was the right choice.