Back to my Alpha's Embrace (Omegaverse Series #2) | SPG

Ikadalawampu't Limang Kabanata - Ang Pag-iyak Mag-isa

The disappointment creeped into my heart. Was it really worth being in pain like this? Does the love that my parents, my cousins, and my whole family are talking about cause this pain? It was so painful that even though Takeru does not utter a word, it makes me want to cry.
I didn't speak. I only focused on driving the car. Wala naman akong magagawa dahil wala rin naman siyang balak na magsalita. Even though I wanted to talk about things that we should talk about, I couldn't. I wanted to hold on to the glimmer of hope that I am holding, but I feel like I wanted to let it go.
Was love always this painful? I think the more you love someone, the more it is painful when you get separated.
My desire to reconnect with the things in our past seems dimmed out. Pakiramdam ko ay naiintindihan ko na. I don't have the right to be by his side in this kind of situation. But if I reveal things about me, wouldn't it mean that I gave those people access to my family?
No, I don't want them to use my family. I will definitely resolve this issue before it happens.
I want to see his face, but I am afraid that if I look into his eyes right now, I'll cry. The longing, pain, and lingering feelings that I have are now visible in my eyes. If I look at him, he'll sure notice it.
"Sorry," Takeru said out of nowhere.
Hindi ko siya tiningnan, nag-focus lang ako sa pagda-drive. Ano pa nga ba ang silbe ng mga salita niya if it already brought me pain? Hindi ko alam na ang sakit pala na mahalin ni Takeru.
I endured everything for the past few years, but right now, seeing him makes me feel miserable. Parang mas okay pa na hindi ko siya nakita.
Magsasalita pa sana ako nang marinig ko ang phone ko na nag-ring. "Can you answer it?"
I glanced at Takeru, and he only nodded his head. Well, alam niya na pagdating sa pagda-drive, I am that kind of person who puts safety first.
"Hello? Ao?"
Kumunot naman ang noo ko. "Huh? Who's this?"
"Oh goodness! It's only been days, and you already forgot about me? What? Are you that busy?"
Nanatili lang na nakakunot ang noo ko. "The hell? How did you get my number?"
I heard him chuckle on the other side of the road. "Well, you know I have my ways. By the way, I went back. I want to see you soon."
A smile appeared on my lips. "Wow, you have the guts, huh."
"Well, marrying is really an important matter."
Napailing na lamang ako. "Alright, susunduin na lang kita."
"Yes! I want to see you soon. I miss you!"
"Alright," I repeated. "I miss you too."
After that call ended, pakiramdam ko parang bigla na lamang lumamig sa paligid. Nararamdaman ko rin na parang bigla na lamang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko.
"Hey," I called Takeru and glanced at him. Kinilabutan naman ako kasi para siyang papatay. "Can you please control your pheromones?" I asked.
Para siyang natauhan at dahan dahan na nawala ang pheromones sa paligid.
Wow, I feel like I wanted to clap myself since I injected myself with four special inhibitors before I left the office. If not, siguradong na-trigger na ang heat ko.
Although pakiramdam ko ay nag-iinit na ang buong katawan ko at nararamdaman ko na malapit na itong dumating, at least mabibigyan ako ng time na mag-adjust at makapaghanda.
Binilisan ko na lamang ang pagda-drive at kaagad din kami nakarating sa pinaka unang hotel na nakita namin. Ang kaninang nararamdaman ko na walang pangamba ay bigla na lamang lumitaw sa dibdib ko.
My heart is beating so fast na parang aalis na ito sa dibdib ko. Shit, hindi ko naman akalain na ganito pala ako kamalas ngayon. Kung alam ko lang e 'di sana hindi ako umalis ngayon.
Parang kanina lang ay pinupuri ko ang sarili ko tapos ngayon halos sabunutan ko ang sarili ko dahil sa nangyayari sa katawan ko.
Indeed, being in the same place as your alpha triggers your heat. Lalo na kung mayroon kayong hindi pagkakaunawaan. It's okay if we're still together, but we're not! Matagal na kaming hiwala at ngayon, nasa iisang lugar ako kasama siya at malapit na ang heat ko, parang gusto ko na lamang lamunin ng lupa.
"Okay, ka lang ba?"
Napalingon naman ako kay Takeru na kakalabas lang ng banyo. Wow, he's still the same as before. He still put a towel on his head whenever he finished taking a bath. He never changes, but there's been a lot of change in me.
If we still have a chance, will he still love me? I guess not.
Umiwas ako ng tingin. "Yeah."
"Sorry."
Napakunot na naman ang noo ko. "Saan?"
"We stuck here for a night together."
When I heard those words, I almost laughed to mock myself. Ano pa nga ba ang inaasahan ko? Of course, nakapag-move on na siya. There's no hope, I guess.
Umiling ako. "No, it's alright."
Tumayo na lamang ako at nagpunta sa bathroom. Pagsara na pagsara ko pa lamang ng pinto ay napaupo na lamang ako. Napatakip ako ng bibig ko at pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na hindi humikbi. Pakiramdam ko kasi maririnig niya sa labas.
These emotions overwhelmed me, and it hurt so damn much that I had to go to the bathroom to let my guard down and cry. Ayoko ko umiyak, ayoko, kahit na gaano pa kasakit ayoko. Pero ngayon, hindi ko kaya ang sakit.
Tears flowed from my eyes like a river to release the pain that I had been carrying inside me since the conversation we had in the car during the ride stopped.
Natawa ako nang mahina. Akalain mo iyon, nakaya ko na tiisin na hindi bumagsak ang luha ko.
I'm not crying in front of other people, but when I am alone, it's always been my way to release the emotions I have been holding for too long. The disappointment and the complex of emotions that had been stirred up inside me all turned into tears and flowed out of my eyes.
Pinilit ko ang sarili ko at saka ako nagsimula na mag-shower. If hindi ko 'to gagawin ay siguradong kakatok si Takeru sa pinto. Kahit na matagal na kaming wala, alam ko pa rin ang ilan sa mga nakasanayan ni Takeru.
Is he also doing this with his fiancé? Knocking in the room or everywhere when the omega isn't responding?
I chucked. Of course, he is.
Hindi ko na malaman kung alin ang luha at kung alin ang natural na tubig na dumataloy sa mukha ko dahil para itong naging isa. Parang ang mga emosyon na sobra na at unti unti nang lumalabas.
Alright. This pain seems to be my calling. I would stop hoping to be with him, but I would never let him go. If he gets married and has a child, I'll let it be like that. After all, I don't want him to get out of my life.
At least I still have my feelings and memories together in my heart and mind. But will it satisfy me? Will it be really okay if I don't give my best and tried to win him over again? Hindi ko pa talaga ito pagsisisihan sa huli?

Nang makalabas ako ng banyo ay kaagad akong napakunot ng noo. "What's the matter?"
Napakunot naman ang noo niya sa akin at napatitig. "Did you cry?"
Oh no.
Right. Kung kilala ko siya, of course, kilala rin niya ako. Kahit na matagal na kaming wala, kahit na matagal na kaming hindi nagkikita, I'm sure na may ilan pa rin siyang naalala.
"No," I answered, trying to act like it was nothing.
"Why are your eyes red?"
He is asking as if he cared. If he told me he cares for me, then I would believe him, but if he doesn't, if he keeps on only telling me this, I don't think so.
"Yeah," I replied. "Well, the shampoo got into my eyes." Napatingin naman ako sa kama at saka sa maliit na sofa. "I'll sleep in the sofa," I told him.
Hindi ko na siya hinintay pa na magsalita at saka na ako naglakad papunta sa maliit na sofa. However, bago pa man ako makarating sa sofa ay naramdaman ko na ang pagpigil ni Takeru sa akin.
I tilted my head, looking confused. "What? Gusto mo ikaw matulog sa sofa?"
Marahas naman na umiling si Takeru. "No, I don't want to. However, I also don't want you to sleep there."
My brows furrowed. "If you dont want me to sleep there and you dont want to sleep there as well, are you suggesting that we sleep together in one bed?"
Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko, hindi makapaniwala. Kilala ko si Takeru, and if he's thinking like this, then he is.
"Yes," he answered slowly and in a low voice.
I put my hands on my waist and said, "Takeru, have you forgotten that we're exes?" He shook his head. "Forget about us being exes. Have you forgotten that you have a fiance?" Then suddenly, he flinched. Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako. "As an alpha who has a fiance, you should think about it. If it was another omega, then, maybe it's okay. But no, I am your ex-boyfriend, Takeru, your bonded omega. Do you think this is right?"
Napayuko siya ng kaniyang ulo at saka hinawakan ang kamay ko. Ilang sadali pa ay mas lalo naman na humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa kamay ko. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan si Takeru.
"Even so, I want to sleep in the bed, and I also want you to sleep with me." Napanganga naman ako sa sinabi niya at nagtama ang mga mata naming dalawa. "It's not like it was our first time sleeping together in the same bed."
Napahinga ako nang malalim sa sinabi ni Takeru. Then I glared at him. "Takeru, did you finally get infected by your family?" hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko.
He shook his head violently. "No, I am not like them, and I won't be like them." He then looked at me, and the tears in his eyes glittered like thousands of stars in the sky. "Please? Will you sleep with me? I won't touch you; I won't do anything. Just sleep with me in the bed." He then bit his lip. "I just... miss you so much..."
Parang bigla na lamang nawala ang lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko kanina. I know this is wrong. But my mind and my heart seem to agree with him.
What should I do? He's engaged, but even though our bond is broken, we're still a pair.
I was torn between agreeing or not, but in the end, I only nodded my head and agreed to sleep in the same bed, but he promised me that he'd never do anything that I wouldn't like. He's not going to touch me.
Somehow, even though I know that it was because of me that he wouldn't touch me out of respect, it made me feel disappointed.
I lay down in bed, facing the ceiling, and stared at it. Nakatalikod naman sa akin si Takeru. Tonight, I want to talk to him like we used to, but I refrain from doing so. It was our nightly routine before, and since everything between us has changed, it doesn't matter anymore.
Naramdaman ko naman na gumalaw si Takeru at nang lumingon ako sa kaniya, I saw him looking at me as well. Napaiwas naman ako ng tingin kaagad at napabalik sa kisame ang mga tingin ko.
Shit, 'yung puso ko. Pakiramdam ko para ang bumalik sa panahon noong unang beses kaming mag-date. That time, my heart is pounding so fast that I could hear it. Right now, I also feel that way.
Iba talaga ang epekto sa akin ni Takeru.
"Are you not going to sleep? We still have at least five to seven hours of driving tomorrow."
"I still don't feel sleepy."
Naramdaman ko naman na gumalaw siya ulit and sa nakikita ko naman sa gilid ng mga mata ko, he's facing towards me.
"Do you want to talk first?"
Bigla naman akong napatingin sa kaniya. Para akong bibigay dahil nakita ko ang pamilyar na ngiti sa mga labi niya.
Shit, those smiles are the ones he used to use on me whenever I still couldn't sleep.
"Alright," I agreed. "What are we going to talk about?" I added.
"Shall we talk about what happened in the car earlier?"
Bigla naman na kumalampag ang dibdib ko. Is he talking about the phone call or his avoidance of the topic we should discuss? Which of the two?