Someday, Who Knows?

Chapter 12: The Secrets

As they sat side by side, their shoulders almost touching, Jeremy looked at Ellie, sensing there was more to her story. He asked for permission to pry a little bit, and Ellie nodded, bracing herself for the conversation.

"What made you stop running before?" Jeremy asked.

Ellie looked at him, surprised by the question. She took a deep breath, hesitating before answering. "It was to punish myself," she said eventually.

"Why would you do that?" Jeremy followed up.

"Because I feel that I don't deserve to be happy," she confessed.

His eyes softened with empathy. "Don't say that, Ellie. Everyone deserves happiness."

Ellie looked down, her voice barely a whisper. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course," Jeremy answered, leaning in slightly, giving her his full attention.

Ellie took another deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "I had a little brother, Ryan. He was four years younger than me. One afternoon, I had track practice for an upcoming competition. I was so pumped up to win that year—all I ever did was practice day in and day out."

She paused, her eyes distant as she remembered. "My mom decided to take Ryan to the beach that day. She thought it would be a nice outing for him since I was always so busy. I was so focused on my practice that I didn't even say goodbye to them properly. I just... waved them off."

Jeremy listened intently, his heart aching for her.

"While I was at practice, something went wrong. The currents were strong that day, stronger than usual. Ryan got caught in a riptide. My mom went in after him, but she couldn't save him. Ryan drowned. My mom was so devastated. She blamed herself, and the trauma of losing him left her deeply depressed. She became distant, and it felt like she forgot she had another child. She couldn't look at me without remembering that day."

Jeremy reached out, gently placing a hand on her shoulder, offering silent support.

"I blamed myself," Ellie continued, her voice trembling. "If I hadn't been so obsessed with running if I had just gone with them, maybe I could have done something. After that, I couldn't run without thinking about them. Every step felt like a reminder of what I'd lost, of how I didn't deserve to feel that joy anymore."

Jeremy's grip on her shoulder tightened slightly. "Ellie, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known what would happen."

"But I should have been there," she said, tears streaming down her face now. "I should have been with them."

Jeremy pulled her into a gentle hug, letting her cry against his shoulder. "You were just a kid, Ellie. You couldn't have predicted that. And punishing yourself won't change what happened."

Ellie clung to him, finding comfort in his presence. "I know," she whispered. "But it's so hard to let go of that guilt."

He pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes. "It's okay to feel sad, to miss him, but you have to let yourself heal. You deserve happiness, Ellie. You deserve to run and feel free again, your brother would want that more than anything else."

Ellie paused and lifted her chin to look at Jeremy properly.

"You are pretty invested in my life, Jeremy. Why do you care?" she asked filled with curiosity. 

He dropped his eyes, clenched his jaw, and then looked at her again before answering. "Because I'm your friend," he said.

Ellie's eyes teared up a little, but she managed to keep herself from bawling. She had always thought that if she kept her pain to herself, she wouldn't burden anyone else. If she didn't verbalize it, then no argument could happen. But all this time, she wanted someone to listen and understand her pain.