You were running down the hall as fast as you could while laughing with Tony on your tail, knowing you were about to snitch to Natasha, but your elevator got off a few floors down, so you were now bolting for the staircase.
"Slow down!"
"No!" You shouted back, rounding the corner and ignoring the captain and his top, "Eat me, Stark tank!"
"Just fucking kill me, Keller! Just for like a minute!" He yelled after you and you heard the top say, 'Tony, what-' but you were long gone, picking up speed.
You hadn't counted on Tony recruiting dumb and a lot dumber to help him cut you off as you went up to the next floor – you might be able to kill them on the fly, but they're super soldiers and they know this place a whole lot better than you do. So, you didn't really stand a chance with three more floors to go.
You were stupidly looking over your shoulder as you rounded another corner a while later, losing momentum, but thinking you had lost the billionaire gone psycho, when you crashed into a piece of metal with an 'oomph', falling to the floor and wincing in pain.
"Fuck," You held your forehead and suddenly some beef boy with crystal blue eyes was crouching in front of you with a deep frown as you cringed up at him, "Who pissed in your corn flakes this morning, old man? You get your jollies hurting women less than half your age? What're you like...a thousand?"
He furrowed his eyebrows, "What? You know who I am? I think?"
"Yeah, you killed Howard and Maria. Brutally. You a legend for that one."
He gaped at you in slight disgust and shock, but you were already getting to your feet, and then he put his vibranium arm out again to stop you, so you grabbed his wrist midair to stop him.
He widened his eyes, looking from you to where you had your grip on him, and muttered something about, 'Not this again'.
"Aw, babe," You cooed condescendingly, "Hit me once, shame on you, but there's no going for round two with me. Unless you're Tasha. Many rounds are in the cards for that feisty little Russian with the heart of gold."
"Shit," He muttered in realization and your eyebrows slowly rose as you kept smiling at him, "We've done this before."
"Yeah," You scoffed, "I'd say so."
"Y/n!" Tony shouted, catching up, but it startled you.
So, in a quick defensive move you pinned Bucky's arm behind his back and then disabled it completely after kicking the back of his knees, instantly bringing him down to his knees with a cry of pain, "Oh my fuck – what're you doing??"
"This looks..." Tony trailed off with pursed lips, talking mostly to himself as you stayed behind the soldier, out of sight of Tony as you widened your eyes at what you were suddenly holding.
"Ew!" You threw it off to the side with a loud clang, "Gross. That thing was like connected to you."
"It's my arm!" Bucky complained, going to retrieve it, and you took a moment to appreciate the view as he bent over, but when you looked back to Tony, you caught him doing the same, the two of you smirking knowingly as the soldier stayed oblivious, but then you were talking again.
"Yeah, but do you wash that thing?" You grimaced, hardly pausing, "And like, you didn't say yes right away, so I'm wondering if not only it's filthy because, ya know," You shrugged, "The world is dirty, but if you also use it to jerk off as well – hear me out!" You stopped them with a hand up and raised eyebrows, almost a warning tone, and while Bucky was a bit intimidated, Tony seemed genuinely curious as to where you were going with this, "It's not your right hand, so that's a mark against the theory, but like," You squinted for effect, your voice going higher, "Do you feel what you touch? Because if not...that's like a thousand points in favor of you using it. Am I wrong?"
"You're wrong." Bucky deadpanned, looking utterly unamused, and Tony scratched his bearded chin thoughtfully, slowly walking closer.
"Wait, let's hear her out..."
"No!" Jimmy protested, "And not that it's either of your guys' business, but I can feel things with it."
"Dammit." You and Tony said at once, the whole theory being thrown out.
Then you turned to each other, equally confused.
"Why were we running?" You wondered the same time he asked, "Why am I sweating?"
"Because you're both idiots." Steve boldly claimed as he strolled in, thinking he's the shit as always, when we all know he'd drop everything for someone who mourned and moved on in nineteen forty-bad, but whatever.
"Oh, look," Tony groaned, "It's Rogers and his beard."
You perked up, "Oh my god, Peggy Carter's here?"
Tony snickered while the other two looked confused, so you waved it off.
"She's not here," You clarified as if it was necessary, "Just three murderers and one self-righteous prick."
Tony smirked, amused, and then lowly asked, "Why do you hate him so much?"
"Because," You huffed, "Steve hates the gays."
It was Bucky's turn to smirk, "Now...that math ain't mathing."
"What's the meaning of this right now?" Steve asked, irritated, pointing between the group.
"Honestly?" You sighed, "Someone forgot to put some sexy times into this story, too caught up in a messy plot that was interesting but has been simmering in the noggin for a while, so it felt old – got to kill Brenda in like a brutal ass way, so that was nice," You shrugged, "Now, we're just kind of standing around – literally, at the moment – until the sexy is more natural. And then it'll probably end happily. Maybe. Or some sick, cliché, but kind of totally random in a cool way twist starts twisting in the chapter at the end so that someone big dies. Maybe me. Maybe Ash. Maybe Steve just for kicks, who knows?"
"Why me?" Steve pouted and you rolled your eyes, tempted to kill him now.
"Why me?" You mocked, "Aw poor little white boy. Shut the fuck up Steven and grow a pair before Bucky fucks you so hard you see nothing but the stars, spangles, and Doctor Banner. Just because."
Tony stood in front of you, smoothing down your clothed shoulders with perfect posture, chin up, and then he patted the sides of your arms, sounding like he was ordering you to, "Go have crazy monkey sex with Romanoff. Make me proud. Send me the video – photos too. Recordings, even. I'm not picky. Just desperate."
You nodded formally, completely serious, "Same here, dickrod."
He pretended to wipe a tear, the other two were left confused, and you pointedly spun on your heel to head for the elevator.
"Natalia, there you are," You were relieved minutes later, despite her not having left the couch, and the movie was still playing – you were only gone for like forty minutes? The fuck, "You're here. Good."
"Where else would I be?" She chuckled at your not-so-subtle nuance, "You alright? Everything go well with Tony?"
"Not sure," You frowned at that, wondering what had even happened with that, but then you shook it off, "Anyway, how's the movie?"
"Boring without you," She patted the spot next to her, "Come on, get over here."
You didn't have to be told twice, snuggling up to your assassin within seconds and then you kissed her shoulder, hearing her hum. She turned towards you the same time you looked up and then her eyes flicked from yours to your lips and back, noticing your eyes had darkened.
"Baby, what's gotten into you?" She chuckled, kissing you chastely before you kissed across her jaw and down her neck as she pulled you against her, guiding you to straddle her lap before you gave her an answer.
"Well, I was fucking with Tony – and then it was kind of Bucky and Steve at the same time?" You missed her look of horror, "It got messy at the end, but yeah."
"Um..."
"It's not how it sounds," You assured, and she laughed lightly in relief before, "I barely got to enjoy any of it."
