***
"Fuck, baby, please!" She nearly screamed as you pulled away again, edging her relentlessly, and she panted harshly into the already heavy room, "I'm gonna kill you, I swear."
You raised your eyebrows at that, wiping your chin on the back of your hand, and then you moved from between her thighs to grab at something you saw on the floor earlier. She shakily leaned forward to follow, but then you were pressing her back down into the bed with a hand on her chest, straddling her waist.
"Stay still," Your voice was low and raspy, her dark eyes peering up into yours before you took the belt you grabbed and pulled it around her wrists, keeping them together above her head, your lips grazing hers when you asked, "This okay, sweetheart?"
She sucked in a sharp breath, "Fuck, yes."
Then you gave her everything you had. Over and over again. Marked her up and claimed her as yours because if there was one thing in the world you wanted to have, it was this beautiful assassin beneath you. You wanted the good, the bad, and everything you didn't deserve. You let yourself live in this fantasy that all of it was possible. Just for a few hours.
But something was wrong with you.
Your chest rose and fell with your panicked breaths, staring up at the ceiling as you thought back to everything that had happened in the last few hours as Natasha slept soundly next to you.
It was different. It was real and beautiful, but also raw and animalistic. You didn't think you could have both, but maybe with how close and soft you were both outside the bedroom, it only meant it was going to be a different dynamic behind closed doors with you both naked. Your mind was reeling though.
Your gaze flickered to your side where Natasha laid with her hair loose around her shoulders and face, the sheet tucked against her chest is smooshed together as she lays on her side facing you. Her features soft and blissful. She let out a sigh as you appreciate her, her natural red lips parting with a low whistle that nearly vanishes by the time it reaches your ears. You bite your lip, squeezing your sensitive thighs together, a delicious pain aches through your muscles and between your legs, reminding you of everything you've done to each other into the very early morning. You can feel the lingering ache for more and you silently curse yourself for being so gone for this wonderful woman.
But you've done terrible, awful things, and while you've told anyone who asks that you were forced into it all with the drugs and manipulation – it wasn't completely true. You remembered them all, dreamt about that and doing more – worse, even, but you've told her this. She's the only one who's asked, and you couldn't find it in yourself to lie. She's shaken you from your nightmares and consoled you when you were frantic. She knows everything and yet, she kept on with her dates, planning them all and casually inviting you out, knowing you hadn't a clue as to what she was up to. She ate it up, and somewhere in between those random, amazing dates, you both fell for each other almost like you were supposed to meet in that forest all those years ago.
You leaned over and grazed her bare shoulder with your lips, leaving a ghost of a kiss behind in thanks because you were so goddamn grateful this amazing woman came into your life. She rustled in her sleep a bit, and thankfully, she didn't wake up.
But something was wrong inside your head.
You ever so slowly got up from the bed, careful not to disturb the softly snoring assassin next to you, and then you slipped on some joggers and a tee shirt before sneaking out of her bedroom door. Your bare feet padded down the hallway and without a second thought, you took the elevator down to the lab where you knew at least Tony would still be up and working on fuck knows.
Neither of you said anything as you barged into his lab, he was used to you showing up unannounced without even a knock at random times, day or night, so he didn't bat an eye until you sat quietly at the desk. You buried your head in your folded arms on the table and let out a deep sigh – usually, you'd be sitting on the table next to whatever he was working on, nagging him for attention, so this intrigued him.
"You two fighting?"
The question held very little weight because he knew by now that any fight between you both would be small and blown out of proportion because of how much you two meant to each other. So, any form of disagreement or tiny argument just hurt more because neither of you wanted to ever be fighting. It just hurt, so the billionaire opened the discussion with the question just so he could close it quicker. Tell you you're being a dumbass wasting time apart from each other or something along those lines. He's wise when he wants to be.
"No," You mumbled exasperatedly, frowning down at your lap as your played with your fingers, "I just feel like..." You sighed, chancing a glance at him to find that he froze in place to fix you with a look of deep concern now that he heard your worn, broken voice pair with your tired, wet eyes, "You kind of hate yourself, right?"
He scoffed, almost humorously, "How could I?"
You rolled your eyes knowingly and he gave a fraction of a nod, so you continued, "When you were with Pepper, or like, your family, the ones who care a lot about you, and you just feel..." You trailed off, your chest tight with guilt when you said, "Happy," And his face fell with a mix of understanding and sorrow, "How do you deal with it? When all of you is saying that you don't deserve it?"
"Y/n, I-"
"I love her," You let out a wet laugh, your shoulders slumping as a tear ran down your cheek with the confession, frowning again before you blurted, "I love her so goddamn much and I want a life with her and I want to be your friend and Bruce's friend and I want Lena to be my sister one day and I just..."
You didn't even see him approach you before you were being wrapped up in his arms as he held you from your side, rubbing your arm as he placed a kiss on your head, and you sobbed into his shoulder.
It hurt. It all hurt so much. It was never going to be easy to go from being conditioned to kill and be punished for even the slightest mistakes to having a bed that was yours, a secure roof over your head, and the greatest person in the world caring for you willingly. But good god, did you want to get there.
"I'm not gonna attempt a Steve Rogers Inspirational Speech™," He started, and you let out a small laugh as he moved to sit next to you, your knees knocking against each other as you faced him, wiping your tears as he continued, "But I will say, this world is a shitty place ninety-nine percent of the time, so," He cracked a small smile when you met his eyes, "If you find that one percent of just good, just a little slice of heaven in a world where people deserve so much better, you fucking hold onto it and make it your reason to keep going. Every day."He He
You nodded slowly, eyes pooled with unshed tears, and then you smirked lightly, "Found yours, did ya?"
"Nah," He shook his head with his own smirk, brushing it off jokingly because he so had found his purpose and loved ones – a whole unconventional family too, but he still knew how you felt because he's been through the same, "I totally just paraphrased Fury when he gives one of those dumb speeches before a huge fight."
"Mhm," You squinted playfully, "Sure you did."
"So," He smiled, half teasingly and half just plain happy, "You love her?"
"I do," You smiled so wide down at your hands that your cheeks ached – heh, "I really do."
"Have you told her?"
"Not yet."
"Do it," He insisted, getting up and gesturing for you to do the same, "Go tell her right now!"
"Tones," You chuckled, "Shouldn't it be more romantic than waking her up before the sun and not making her question if it's just the sex talking or – shit."
You cut yourself off when you realized what you blurted the same time his eyebrows shot up and he was slowly Cheshire cat grinning at you. So, you just rolled your eyes and stormed off, giggling to yourself as he called out, begging for the details.
