Helping 11

Tadgh

I still think about them sometimes, about what they did to me- about what he did to me, to Joey to Shannon, Ollie, even little Sean. How they broke me and made me put myself back together little by little all alone. Joey had Aoife to do that and now has little AJ, Shannon had Johnny, Ollie has John and Sean has his onny. Of course I'm not alone, there are heaps of people around me but none of them know me. None of them really see how broken I am, all they see is the smile I put on and then they think I'm all healed, that I'm all better but I'm not. I'm still angry, I'm still broken and my broken pieces will hurt anyone that comes too close.

My alarm goes of a 6am in the fucking morning shaking me from my thoughts. I don't really sleep much anymore. I normally get around 2-3 hours of sleep a night because whenever I close my eyes I see them, I can hear him yelling at me, I can smell the gasoline as johnny takes us out of that place. I know it's been 5 years, I know that I should of moved on by now but I can't. Sometimes I just want to ask Shannon or Joey if they are still hunted by them. That even after death he's still in my mind, still haunting me.

I need to get up. I have hurling practice at 7 this morning. I love being in my school hurling team but did coach really need to make a 7 o'clock practice on the first day back. At least this house is made up of early risers. Johnny and Shannon are staying here for a bit because she insisted that she saw AJ off to his first day of senior infants, I don't see the reason to fuss, the kid had already been at school for 2 years but I don't not like Shannon being around. I miss her when she's gone. The house is always a certain kindness that is missing when she gone. And I guess Johnny and their friend are all right to have around.

Now I have to get out of bed before I take too long and Aidan my ride to school this morning gets pissed and leaves without me. I can drive but I prefer to be a passenger princess. You know why drive when I can sit there looking pretty. I get up pulling my #11 hurling hoodie over my head, i'll just put my proper uniform on later. I hear little knocks on my door. Opening it up to AJ all hyped up. Someone has given him sugar and if I can take a guess I would say Aidan and Oscar are already here because Oscar seems hell bent on giving AJ as much sugar as he can. "T I've been told to come get you" he practically yells at me. bingo." shh AJ it's like 6:20 in the morning" I try to shush him because there are people in this house who don't need to be at school at 7. " but thank you for telling me" "Oscar giving my chocolate for doing this" he say well jumping up and down. of course he is" come on bud let's get some breakfast"

Walking into the kitchen Ollie, Sean, Oscar and Aiden are all sitting there eating their cereal. "Oscar,Oscar I got T from you" " Thanks little lad, here the other half" Oscar hands him a half of a chocolate bar. That bitch." what the hell you eejit, it's like 6:30 in the morning" " he will be a pain all morning in class" I add "sorry" he says not looking sorry at all. I look over at Aiden who looks like he is trying not to burst out laughing. " Aiden don't even try, I know you also have something to do with the fact a 5 year old was given chocolate at 6 in the morning" I death stare him which makes him burst out laughing. " who was given what at 6 in the morning" Joey joins the contravention. Aiden intermediately stops laughing because I swear he is slightly scared of him. I don't blame him though, he is quite scary especially when he was walking around with AJ as batman and him as Robin. That was a great Halloween." Dada guess what it's the first day of school" he says jumping into Joey's arm. " Ahh you were given chocolate" he says ruffing up AJ hair. " Oscar, why would you give an already hyper 5 year old chocolate?" " for shits and giggles" " wrong answer, Aiden?" " hmm, Oscar was too lazy to walk up the stairs to get Tadgh" he says ratting him out. " was not!" Oscar say defending himself. " was so " "no" " yes" "no" Ye-" " stop arguing and hurry up, we're gonna be late and I'm not telling the coach the reason was because you two were arguing like a married couple" I snap at them because sometime they don't shut up. " sorry ma" Aiden says sarcastically and Oscar just laughs. "get in the car" is all I responded with before walking off