Helping 11

Nora

The world outside my window is still dark. The light hasn't returned from the day before just like how the light never returned to my world after that day. The world still goes on, the birds sing, the lawns get moved, people grow up and the days go from one to another. That is their world, my world stopped. fully stop. It hasn't moved since then and I'll never forgive it for that. The light slowly begins to appear in this world and I know it have to get up soon if I want to have time to see my plan through before classes start.

Last night or the early hours of this morning, they all begin to blur together when it's like this. I was laying there with my thoughts overflowing in my head, how would I apologise to Connor, would Meabh have a good time at school, would my ma be mad at me for what happened with Connor and my personal favourite that came to be reminding me that Ciarain would be home when I get back and this would no longer be a safe place.

After too many hours of thinking that my brain began to physically hurt, I thought of a plan, to show up just after his hurling practice ends and talk it out before the start of classes so we'll be good throughout the day.

"Get up" my ma says banging on my door in a sharp tone.

"Sure" I replied, knowing she knew what happened. I pull myself into a sitting position feeling the sharp pain in my wrist reminding me of what I did last night. Luckily it's not to hot today so I can just wear my hoodie all day to cover it up.

Walking out of my room I walk right into the lion's den and sit down at the table. The world is still too loud so I just lay my head down on the table.

"What the hell did you do last night to upset Connor so much" she says yelling. " Alana called saying he was acting all moody last night after he left your room" she adds. " That you said no!"

" I wasn't ready" I say replying to her not really knowing what to say.

"you don't get to choose when, you are lucky to have him at all" she is still saying what was said since day one, that i'm lucky that be dating him in the first place and shouldn't take it for granted.

"I know" I'm disappointed in myself too if that makes her feel any better. I've been thinking and I should have just let it happen. It would have stopped her talking like this to me and that is what I needed to have a peaceful morning.

" You'll apologise and then you will do whatever he says you do. '' She's not saying that as a suggestion, she is saying that as an order.

" Go and make sure you look extra good for school" and then she walks away leaving me alone to put myself back together and find a smile to put on my face.

Half an hour later I'm leaving the house after rummaging around my floor for my uniform hoping it's clean, pulling my hair up into a half up half down and putting some mascara on. As I was leaving the house I wished Meabh a good first day at school and said bye to my ma whose only response was looking me up and down and then sighing. Walking out the door I feel the cold and smile to myself. I love the cold, wind, rain and especially fog. I would take cold over hot any day and nobody can change my mind on that. The cold makes you feel it, down to your bones, you can't ignore and put it to the side, you have to face it front on and that's why sometimes I'm jealous of the weather.

A little over another half an hour later I'm almost at Tommen. The walk normally take around 45 minutes but can sometimes take up to an hour if I'm tired. I've only been in a car three times since that day, one to the hospital, the second home from the hospital and the third was when I found out I can't ever go in a car again. I panicked and couldn't breathe until I could feel the ground beneath my feet again so now I just leave early so I make it to where I need to be on time.