Helping 11

Tadgh

Holy shit.

She agreed. I mean if I were her, I would stay but she's not me and she  still said yes.

I leave her in my room to run downstairs and tell my ma. I also need to find Joey again and talk to him. He must have noticed the bruises on her face, they were pretty easy to find. After years of watching Shannon trying to cover hers, I know where to look. And the way her eyes filled with this sense of dread when I asked about it. Only a abused can see another.

I walk into the kitchen.

" Hey love, are we taking Nora home soon?" Dellie asks. The nickname has kept all these years and now most of us use it.

" Ummm about that" I draw out.

" She's going to stay the night" I quickly finished.

Dellies mouth forms an o and Joey barks out a laugh. That basted.

" And whys that" Gibise suspiciously pipes up from the couch.

" Well it's obviously too dark outside to walk home fattie" Gibise just pokes his tongue out at me.

" And can someone drive her?" Shannon asks from her seat next to Johnny.

" No we just can't" I'm not sure why she doesn't like being in cars but I'm not going to make her. I don't need to know the reason to be kind.

" No?" Joey question.

" No" I confirm with a shake of my head.

" Well that's settled then, I'll get the spare room ready for her" With that dellies rushing off. One of her favourite things has to be looking after people and know Nora's one more she can.

I feel a weird ping of sadness? Maybe, I'm not really sure what it is when dellie mentions that Nora will sleep in a spare room. I know I offered it to her but still. Do I want her to sleep in my room? Shit maybe I do. No. No. No I don't. I can't. I won't ruin her with what I am. With how I am. So she must stay in the spare room.

" Did you know she has a sister?" AJ asks me.

"No I did not bud. How do you know" I question him, bending my knees so I'm at his eye level.

He smiles at me. " She's in my class. Her name is Meabh." He tells me proudly.

" She looks very different from Nora. Her hair is blonde and her eyes blue." he continues.

Huh. That is different. I wonder if Os gets her looks from her ma or da. One of them must be pretty good looking to end up with a kid looking like her.

" Well night guys" They all repeat my words back to me and a chorus of goodnight follows me out of the room.

I walk up to my door, knocking on it to let Os I'm back. When I walk in she's sitting on my bed, staring into space. I softly sit down next to her.

" Hey, are you all right?" She looks startled that I'm here. She takes a deep breath.

" Yeah I'm fine" She gives me the most unhappy smile ever, not convincing me that she's fine at all.

" You know it's okay to be fine with what he did" If she knew how I was, she would think I'm a hypocrite for telling her this.

She looks deep in thought.

" Yeah well it's fine, I'm fine. I shouldn't have broken up with him" Under her breath, I hear her whisper "it's my fault." Blaming herself for what happened.

Jesus, is this what she thinks? I turn to her.

" You know it wasn't your fault right? You should be allowed to do whatever you want and he should just deal with it."

She just sits there not looking at me.

I softly grab her chin turning her face toward me so our eyes meet.

" It wasn't your fault." More of myself being a hypocrite.

Her eyes shimmer over with tears.

" Tell yourself it's true."

" It wasn't my fault."  Her words are barely louder than a whisper and they sound like she doesn't believe them.

It look at her. She's been crying but she's as beautiful as ever. Her hair is slightly messy, framing her face perfectly and her lips are swollen making them look amazing for kissing. I look back up at her eyes but she's looking at my lips. I lean forward slightly thinking maybe I should just kiss her but a knock on my door stops me. I lean back to where I was sitting and she wipes her tears.

" Tadgh love, the spare room is ready for Nora"

" Thanks dellie. I'll show her where it is." I initially cringe at the fact that she almost walked in on me about to almost kiss her. I really need to get my shit together. We were having a nice moment and I was about to try kiss her. Urghhhhhhhhh.

We both stand up, putting space between us. She goes to leave the room.

" Oh umm do you need anything to sleep in?" I ask.

She shrugs. " I guess."

I grab a pear of my sweatpants, a shirt and a hoodie in case she gets cold. I hand them to her and we leave my room. The spare room she's staying in is right across the hall and I like that it's so close to mine. I push the door open.

" Well here it is."

" Goodnight Tadgh," She says softly.

" Night Os." I smile at her and then turn back to my room, leaving my door open a little bit in case she needs me.

...

I wake up with a startled gasp. I'm sweating and my sheets are sticking to me. I push them away trying, needing to get fresh air. The panic sets in again and the air won't get to my lungs.

I saw them again. My mind replaying when I held a knife to his throat, replaying all the times he would hit us. All the pain I felt and I swear I was back there. I could the feel the floor and see the walls. I could hear Shannon scream as he beat her to her almost death.

I couldn't breathe. In and out. In and out. In and In and In. I stumble around my room trying to find the little pink box I have. Pink because I may or may not have stolen it from Shannon when we were kids.

I don't do this often, maybe once a week because of what Joey went through but sometimes I need it. Sometimes the voices in my head don't shut up and I can't. I just can't. So I do this.

I grab the box pulling out the baggie filled with green stuff. I also get the rolling paper, patting some of the weed on it and rolling it up. I open the windows too, hopefully mask some of the smell and then I grab my lighter.

Lighting my blunt. I take a deep hit of the joint I have balancing in between my lip and almost instantly relief washes over me.

I can breathe.

The voices are quiet and I'm out of the house.

Sometime after that I drift off to sleep with a quiet mind.

Authors note

I know this chapter is shorter and took me a long time. but 1. I was studying for this stupid math test. Ewwwwwwwwww. and 2. I had no idea what to write. Like I would sit down to write but no word would come out. Also I've decided I'm going to write shorter chapters so I can post more a week. Also I have no idea how to write about people taking drugs so bear with me please. Love you guys.

Word count: 1279