Helping 11

Nora

I hate my dad. Not in the way that most teens do in a moment of anger in an argument right before slamming their doors. They then regret those words later after they calm down and were ready to talk it out. I hate my dad because he left me, he left me in this cruel world, he left me with them all alone and he is never coming back. It's been 307 days, 307 days of pretending I'm getting better, 307 days of putting on a smile and saying I'm fine, 307 days of playing the crash over and over in my head until I don't think I'll make it out of my own mind.

There's raining pouring down my face, soaking my clothes but I don't care. I just rest my cheek against the cool stone of my dads grave. I come here a lot these days, when my life gets to be too much, when being at home gets to be too much. He always knew what to say, always knew how to help me, to bring my mind back from the dark place it lives in.

Know it's stuck there, nobody is able to save me from my own mind. It's getting dark so I stand up from his grave already feeling too far apart from him and trying to figure out a way to put my smile back on my face. I have to go home and pretend to my mum that I wasn't here, I have to smile and act like I'm fine when I haven't been for 307 days. The sound of cars whizzing scares me back to the present. I start the 15 minute walk home careful to stay as far as I can from the road.

I slip my wellies off when I get in the house, the water droplets still dripping down my face from my unprotected hair. The house is oddly quiet but nether the less I stand there for a minute taking it all in, the peace in a normally unpeaceful house. I make sure I feel the cold down to my bone, to make sure I feel my clothes sticking to my pale skin, to make sure I'm still here because sometimes I feel like I'm not.

I'm still doing just that when my mam unexpectedly walks into the landing with her blonde hair put up perfectly and meabh on her hip." where have you been," she demands." I've been looking for you." lies, she would never voluntarily do anything that has to do with me, I'm surprised that shes even up doing anything but it probably means people are coming over because the one thing she dislikes more then me is people thinking were not a perfect family.

"I went for a walk." I don't tell her about going to da's grave, she stopped me from going a long time ago something about it not being healthy and needing to move on. Obviously I didn't listen but still how could she tell me that. " In the rain with no rain jacket, you're all wet now." she raises her voice at me. "why would you even do that?" using her whiny voice that gets used when you've ruined some great plan she had had.

" I don't know." " well hurry up and get ready Connor,Cara and Alana will be here soon." hearing Connors name sends a small smile to my lips. I've hadn't seen him for so long because hes been away most of the summer doing some important hurling camp up in Dublin though we have been calling and he been telling me all about his dream to become the captain of our schools team this year. "Put something cute on, Oh and Ciarain called before and said he will be home tomorrow"I frown, happy that I get another night of rest from it but sad that he didn't get murder over the few nights he's been away visiting a friend.

Before I can ask why ,she's gone. probably off to prepare the perfect act to put on and probably to get the wine ready. She says she invites people over to talk but I think it's really just because she doesn't want to drink alone. Anyways it's too exhausting trying to keep her life in check while I'm failing to keep mine in line so I just walk up the stairs and go shower.

After I put something 'cute' on which I take as putting on my better looking pair of jeans and my birthday-bear Care Bear top I got for my birthday from tilly. Pulling my hair up into a ponytail from one of the many that live on my wrist, most colourful but are few are more darker. Those were from Mickey and you can guess who the others are from.