What Is - Jenlisa (Book 2)

Chapter 15 - Truce

Blame. When something terrible happens, our minds scramble to make sense of it all. We naturally look for explanations and often end up blaming someone or something. Blame gives us a way to validate our emotions and makes them feel real. It's an easy way out, a quick fix for guilt, and a temporary relief to make ourselves feel less responsible. That's why some people lash out. Some do that... some.

Others, though, blame themselves. They think it's better to carry the burden alone, believing they must have done something wrong, even if they can't quite figure out what it is. It's the need to punish themselves because it feels easier, more comfortable...safer. It's another way to make sense of the situation and manage emotions.

We all have our ways of coping and finding reasons for why things went wrong. It's not ideal, but for some people, it's a step to keep themselves sane.

Revenge. Revenge can feel like justice and satisfaction, but is it really the right thing to do? Because it feels right, it feels good and fair. Well if you choose revenge, congratulations, you just became the person you hate.

Hurt people hurt people. You were hurt, so you feel the urge to hurt them back, to make them feel the pain you felt. It's not right, but it seems right at the time, so easy to justify. "I was hurt. I want to get even. I have the right." It's an impulse, a usual initial human reaction...initial not final. Revenge is nothing more than an endless cycle of harm. Just like Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

Hurt people hurt people...that can be a reason but that doesn't justify your actions. It might explain why, but never an excuse. Never.

But what if...

What if the situation was flipped and all of a sudden you realized that all this time you were the one who needed to ask for forgiveness? What if, in reality, you were the one who unknowingly caused harm and needed to apologize? What if all this time what you believed in was wrong, that you are not the victim? You were hurt so you bite back or lash out at others, only to realize later that you were actually the one in the wrong. You didn't know, you have no idea at all. Can you use that as an excuse? Do you have the right to reason out and have a pass for what you did? No, but it doesn't take away the fact that you were hurt. Your emotions are valid, but so are the emotions of the people you hurt. Emotions are valid, only your reactions to them are sometimes not. But the damage is done, now what?

Well, you have to deal with it.

Forgiveness. They say it's harder to forgive than to ask for forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness is tough. You have to swallow your pride, admit that you were wrong, put your ego aside, and say the words that can be so difficult to say, "I'm sorry", "I made a mistake", "I was wrong" especially when you believe that you have all reasons and right to be upset. That takes courage.

But forgiving... forgiving someone who wronged you, who hurt you, who betrayed your trust—that's a whole damn different story. It takes strength to let go of anger, resentment, and pain. To look at the person who caused you so much pain and say, "I forgive you", "It's okay", or "I understand." that's not just courage, it takes a whole lot more than that. It takes strength, it takes time, it takes a lot of work... it's not that simple. There's no reset button, no switch to flip to make it all go away. Forgiveness is a process, not just a single act.

The question is how? How can you forgive? Acknowledge the pain? Know their side and try to walk in their shoes? Choose peace over pain? Yada yada yada... Follow the steps and eventually, you'll get there? We all hope that it's just as simple as following steps. But it's not easy, especially if the person who hurt you was the one you love the most. But what makes it easier?