Little Tiger

College, years 1-2

I arrived at Tohoku University in Sendai, Japan four hours later with my suitcase, my backpack, and my phone. These were the only possessions I had that still tied me to my life at the estate, but they still weren't enough to make me feel like I was still connected to the life I had been leading until I approached the large archway, pridefully and pretentiously announcing my new school--my new home's--name. Walking onto the campus felt like swimming in an ocean during a storm; unable to keep my head above water, my body flailing around miserably as I paddled helplessly against the waves, the water eventually swallowing me, slowly pulling me hundreds of kilometers down towards the ocean floor.

There were students gathered in the courtyard, huddled in circles or walking in pairs. It discouraged me to see everyone already pairing off. It was like high school all over again. As I stood in line to check into my dorm, I remembered the first day of high school, three years before. When I arrived at my class, everybody had already become friendly with one another, cutting me out entirely. I did that completely on my own, wishing to be left alone rather than try and work my way into the already-formed cliques of girls. It was all in my head, of course. It was only the first day, nobody had really made friends yet. But, because I was not a social person by nature, I was too unnerved by the chatting going on around me to join in myself.

"Name?" the girl at the front desk asked me.

"Sohma," I replied absently, looking all around me at the herds of students crowding around the campus. "Koharu," I added anxiously, wanting to be precise even though she was already handing me the key to my dorm room.

"Yes, I know. It looks like you're the only 'Sohma' with us this year," she said with a big, reassuring grin.

I knew what she meant, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. I was the only Sohma here. The rest of my people were back at home without me. I nodded sheepishly, taking the key from her and turning away from the table, scooting aside so the next student could receive their key. She looked over at me and smiled genially. Everyone was as desperate as I was to make friends, I realized. I offered her an eager smile in return, feeling like I looked too desperate about it.

My dorm room was lackluster, as expected. There was a small bed, almost a cot, a double doored wardrobe with exposed shelves off to its side, a nightstand, and a desk with a sad, metallic chair. It felt more like prison to me than a university. Two years ago, when I had helped Shigure, Hatori, and Ayame move into their dorms, it felt like a happier experience than this even though my room looked almost identical to theirs. It was the company, I presumed, that was missing from my move-in day.

I set my suitcase down on my bed, unzipped it, and absently unpacked it. All of my clothes could fit into the wardrobe without taking up any space on the shelves. I didn't know what I'd do with the extra space now. I unpacked the materials from my backpack, hoping they would add a homey feel to my dorm so I'd be more comfortable living in it, but I didn't have much. The room looked almost the same as it did before I put anything away.

After my move-in was complete, I wandered to the cafeteria on the other side of campus, clutching my dorm key in my hand, afraid of losing it. I'd never needed a key for anything before, I wasn't used to this level of responsibility and I didn't want to fuck it up. I was starving and weary from the long train ride, but the cafeteria didn't interest me much. I ate anyway because I had nothing better to do.

I had been waiting to get a text from Shigure since I arrived at Tohoku and was disgruntled to find no new notifications as I ate my kimchi fried rice. Finally, I gave up waiting and decided to text him myself, assuming he was just giving me time to unpack before reaching out.

"Moved in. In the cafeteria," I typed out and sent it without any hesitation.

Later that day, when I still hadn't gotten a response and I was lying on my bed, staring at my unreturned message, I sent something else. "What are you up to?"