'Cause You Make Me Feel

It's Not Fair

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Three months later...

Stef's POV

Three months after moving out of Lena's house and here we are... I miss her. I really, really do. Yet, I need to stop thinking about her because it kills me, and it becomes harder and harder to remained positive and happy.

I have everything though, I have two beautiful children that I adore, a good and pretty apartment, the best I ever had, and now, after weeks of pastry class, I got a job as a baker in that same pastry which I love more than anything since it was completely unexpected. I've always loved baking, but it was more something like a hobby and it didn't even crossed my mind that I could make a living out it. Now I do and it's the best job ever simply because it doesn't even feel like a job. It's a pleasure to make various type of cakes all day.

Besides, this job able me to have a regular income, and since it's a big chef's bakery, I'm paid very well, which even abled me to buy a car, which was very much needed.

At the bakery, I also made some friends, which never happened in my life except for Lena, and I think that I can do that now because I feel free, I feel like I can finally do as I please without a husband telling what I can and can not do.

But still, I'm unsatisfied...

At first, after moving out of Lena's place, we made it a point to visit each other, and we did that for a few weeks and it was... well, it was good, different but it was always a pleasure to see her, and Mariana loved those visitations more than anything. Lena would play with the kids for a while and then she would let Mariana by herself or with Julian, Debby's son, when he's here, to come chat a little with me, often around a cup of tea. I would talk to her about my job and thank her countless number of time because if it wasn't for her, I don't even know where I'd be. And she would talk to me about her job as well, her new secretary that drives her crazy because she can barely send an email to the right person.

Sometimes I would force myself asking her about Debby since she's now a part of her life, along with her son. And she would proceed to tell me about how things are going well, that they learned to rediscover each other and all that, while I was dying from jealousy inside.

I never make it shown though. She is my friend and I want her to be happy, so I must support her. But my devotion for her as a friend ends where my devotion as a mother begins...

FLASH BACK

"Mariana... oh baby, tell me why you're crying my love, hum?" I ask to my baby girl that have been crying all the ride home since we left Lena's house after an afternoon spent with her.

Now we are almost home, and I've asked my daughter I don't even know how many times to tell me why she's crying, but she refused to tell me. Since I was driving, I decided to wait until we get home. Mariana immediately ran into her bedroom, and I needed to put Jude in his crib before I go see her.

When I entered her room, Mariana was once again under her bed, crying in her arms, which was breaking my heart. I got down and get under her bed next to her. I don't even know why she hides under her bed every time she cries instead of laying on the bed... but anyway.

"Tell mommy my love, you know you can tell me everything." I say, resting my head on my arms as my other hand is stroking my baby's hair.

"I wanted to see my room at Lena's, but there were Julian's thing in it! It was MY room!" Mariana blurts out crying, loudly. And this wasn't a tantrum, I could feel her pain, she was so, so sad about it and it was killing my heart.

"Aww baby, but... it's... it's not your room anymore, we don't live there anymore, my love... I know you're sad about it, and it's okay, but..." I try to say, not really knowing what could comfort her because when she cries like that it feels like she will never stop, and I hate with everything in me seeing my baby hurt like this.

I knew it has been hard on her to move out from Lena's home, but she's a happy kid and she's resilient so she tried to get over it the best way she knew how... but when she started to understand that Lena had a girlfriend, and that this girlfriend had a son that was here very often, Mariana started to get sad randomly... well especially when we have to say goodbye to Lena when we visit, or she comes visit... I could see it sometimes, but when I would ask, she would smile and say that nothing is wrong... how can a little girl pretend to be fine like this I will never know, but I personally blame myself, for it must be my fault, maybe I don't show my emotions enough and that makes her feel like she has do to the same...

"But I wanted Lena to be my mommy! Why can she be Julian's mommy and not mine? It's not fair! Does she love Julian more than me?" Mariana cries and cries and cries, making my tears fall by now, for what the hell can I say to that...

I knew she loved Lena dearly, but I was in a million years to imagine that she wanted Lena to be her mom... I haven't realized that she was attached to Lena in that particular way... and now... now Lena is in fact going to become Julian's mom somehow, and not Mariana's, so... I need to protect her from this. I can't have Mariana watching the whole thing only to break her little heart, I can't... I won't allow it, and if that means not seeing Lena anymore, then... then I guess that's what we will have to do...

I didn't even know what to respond to my daughter, I had no clue what to say, and so I just took her into my arms and hold her while she was crying like nothing else until she fell asleep against me, under her bed...

FLASH BACK END

*****

Hey, small chapter today lol, but tomorrow's will be longer.
Also this book is not too far from the end.

Enjoy!