Growing with J.A.C.I.E. (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Chapter 8

I woke up to the sound of an alarm going off. It was an ungodly hour, an unreasonable time to wake up at. Four in the fucking morning. But Jack had to get up to be at the airport in time for his flight. There was only one thing worse than him leaving to go on tour, and that was him leaving to go on tour way too early in the morning.

I could hear and feel him shuffle around after turning off the alarm. He breathed out heavily before turning to me and pressing a kiss to my temple as he threw the sheets off of himself and towards me.

"Nooo," I whined, reaching out for him.

"I gotta get up," he whispered back, giving me a proper kiss.

I pouted as he got out of bed. The room briefly lit up as he turned on the lights in the bathroom. But I was left in the dark again when he closed the door behind himself. I sighed softly, turning onto my back and staring up at the barely-visible ceiling. As much as I wanted to sleep, I also wanted to stay up to get to say a proper goodbye.

I sat up in bed when I heard the water running, wrapping the sheets around myself. To make sure I wouldn't accidentally fall asleep again, I reached out to turn the bedside lamp on, casting an orange glow throughout the bedroom. Jack's suitcase was already ready to go in the corner of the room. Him leaving felt even more like a bittersweet moment than it usually did.

As I waited for Jack to reemerge from the bathroom a fluttering sensation, gentle and fleeting, rippled through my abdomen. It was a sensation I hadn't experienced before. The realisation quickly dawned on me. This wasn't any normal kind of feeling. These were the first movements our baby was making that I could feel. A smile crept across my face as I placed my hand over the spot where the fluttering had occurred.

"Meerkat's protesting your departure," I softly told Jack when he exited the bathroom with his toothbrush in hand.

He frowned, concern behind his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I think I just felt her move."

His eyes widened and he quickly abandoned his toothbrush on his suitcase before rushing over to me. "Really?"

"Yeah, it was like a little flutter," I nodded and guided his hand to the spot on my abdomen, "right here."

His touch was gentle, his eyes filled with wonder. "Our little meerkat is saying goodbye to me already?"

I chuckled, feeling a mix of emotions. "She's just making her presence known. Saying, 'hey, Dad, don't forget about me.'"

"I could never forget," he shook his head, his fingers still grazing my belly in wonder. But after a moment, he reluctantly pulled away. "I have to finish getting ready."

"I know."

He pressed a kiss to the spot I had shown him before getting up. All I could do was watch as he moved around the room, getting changed and gathering the last of his belongings. I didn't want him to leave, especially now, but I also knew I'd get to see him again in two weeks when I'd go to visit. It was just a reminder he'd be gone for many milestones.

When he was ready, he came back to the bed and embraced me.

"Take care of our meerkat," he whispered against my hair.

"I will," I promised, squeezing him tighter. "And you take care of yourself out there. We'll be right here waiting for you."

He pulled away. "I love you."

"I love you too."

With one last lingering kiss, he stood up for the last time. He picked up his suitcase and waved as he exited the bedroom, closing the door behind himself. It always felt strange to say goodbye this way, but it was for the best. This way, I could still get some sleep. But the bed always felt extremely empty.

When I heard the front door shut as well, I laid back down and turned off my bedside lamp. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep again. It wasn't until the morning sun filtered through the curtains that I woke up again. It was nine a.m., meaning I had now had a whole day to get used to being alone again.

I got up and went about my morning routine, taking a shower and getting dressed. As I grabbed myself some breakfast and sat on the barstool at the breakfast bar, the silence consuming me, I sighed. Here I was, seventeen weeks away from becoming a mom, and I had no idea how to do anything.

While I had my amazing dad, I didn't exactly have a great role model to look up to when it came to being a mom. Sure, I had Hazel's mom, but that was only to a certain extent. I knew what I wanted my mom to be like, so I could model myself off of that. But being a mom to a baby? I had absolutely no idea.

With my mind on my mom, my thoughts drifted towards Fran. Although I had cut my mom out of my life, I occasionally updated Fran. After all, she wasn't the bad guy. She knew about Jack and I spending time in New York, as well as the fact that I had my own studio. But I had not yet mentioned the pregnancy.

I grabbed my phone and composed a message to her, figuring it would be good for her to know as well.

Me: Hey Fran! Coming in with another update. Jack and I are expecting a baby. The due date's at the beginning of March. We're pretty excited. Hope everything's going well with you.

With the message sent, I put my phone down and focused back on my cereal. But I didn't get much further than a single bite. A call from Fran's number popped up on my phone's screen, making me frown. Although we did occasionally call each other, those phone calls were always planned in advance. She never called me out of the blue. I hesitated, but ended up answering.

"Jacie," my mom's voice, strained and unfamiliar, filled the line instead of Fran's. "You're pregnant?"

My whole body froze at the sound of her voice. I hadn't heard it since our fight three and a half years earlier. And I didn't want to hear it either. All I heard was a stark reminder of the past that I had tried to distance myself from.

"Jacie?" she spoke again when I didn't answer.

"What do you want?" I snapped back.

"I saw your message to Fran. I had to call you," she replied, her voice full of desperation.

"No." I clenched my jaw, frustrated that my attempt to share a moment with someone who had been supportive turned into a conversation with my mom. "I told you not to contact me."

"I just want to be a part of your life again. I want to know about my grandchild," she pleaded.

I took a deep breath, trying to maintain composure. "You lost that privilege a long time ago."

"I miss you, Jacie."

"No, you don't."

"I can change, Jacie. I've been getting help, therapy. I've been working on myself," she insisted.

My grip tightened on the phone. It wasn't that simple, and her sudden revelation of change didn't erase the years of pain. Without another word, I pulled the phone away and hung up. For twenty-two years of my life, all I wanted was for her to get help and be there for me. But now she was four years too late.

All I wanted to do was call Jack, but I knew that he was 35-thousand feet up in the air and wouldn't be able to pick up. The apartment felt lonelier than it had ever before. I took a second to try to collect myself, but all the frustrated and angry thoughts kept swirling around in my head. My eyes even started watering.

But before a single tear could fall, I felt the sensation in my abdomen again. The gentle flutter was such a reassuring presence. I wasn't alone. Our little meerkat was right here with me. My hand moved down to where the feeling was most pronounced, a smile returning to my face. No matter what, our meerkat was always going to be surrounded by love and support.

I unlocked my phone and shot Hazel a text, knowing I always had people I could reach out to.