Growing with J.A.C.I.E. (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Chapter 17

With two weeks to my due date, the apartment went through a sudden burst of cleaning and organising. I was experiencing, what some people called, extreme nesting. Although the apartment was generally clean and Jack and I finished the nursery before he left, I still had this urge to make sure everything was ready for when the time came.

My dad was being a champ. He was with me for a week and didn't question my instructions when I made him clean things with chemicals I didn't want to come too close to. I could tell he thought it was all unnecessary, but he appeased me. After all, he had left Ben in LA with Hazel's parents for the week just so he could help me out. It wasn't worth changing my mind.

I walked into the nursery to once again check if everything was ready. For all I knew, Meerkat could be born that very same day, and I was not going to blindsight myself. Especially without Jack there...

Fucking hell. Jack really wasn't going to be there. I had our family to lean on, but he really wasn't going to be there. I was going to have to do this one by myself. All by myself. I was already terrified of giving birth without that coming into play. At any point now, I was literally going to have to squeeze another human being out of my body. Somehow, a whole head and shoulders were going to have to come out of me.

Holy shit. It was going to be so painful. How the fuck was I supposed to push a whole-ass baby out? I knew things would dilate, but it was impossible to imagine. Ten centimetres? That wasn't a lot, right? Four inches, maybe? It really didn't seem like that would be enough for a little body. I wasn't sure if I could do this.

All without Jack.

Before I knew it, I was hyperventilating, panicking at everything that was coming my way. Why did I do this to myself? Pregnancy was fucking insane. I'd always been terrified at the thought of being pregnant and giving birth. Sure, being pregnant didn't turn out to be that bad. But the birth? There was no way that wasn't going to be that bad. If anything, that was going to be worse than expected, meaning an absolute nightmare.

I left the nursery struggling to catch my breath and with tears streaming down my face.

"Jacie? What's wrong?" My dad spotted me from the breakfast bar and came rushing over to me.

Sobs started wracking my body as I tried to communicate my thoughts. "I can't do this."

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he told me softly as he pulled me into him.

I shook my head, and repeated my issue, "I can't do it."

He gently shushed me and stroked my hair, hugging me tightly. I continued to cry into his shoulder, but it didn't help much. I was panicking too much. Not even his fatherly love could shake me out of this one. There was no way anybody could help me through this, I was going to have to give birth... without Jack... whether I liked it or not. And I definitely didn't like it.

"It's okay, sweetheart. You're just feeling overwhelmed right now. Take a deep breath," my dad reassured me, his calming voice trying to break through the panic.

Between sobs, I managed to choke out, "I'm so scared."

"You're stronger than you think, Jacie. And you're not alone. I'm here for you, and so is the rest of the family. We'll get through this together."

But I wasn't strong. I really wasn't. I was the opposite of strong. I was vulnerable.

I continued to cry uncontrollably, the weight of impending motherhood and the fear of childbirth weighing down on me. "What if I mess up? What if I'm a terrible mom? What if–"

"Jacie, listen to me," my dad interrupted gently. "You're not going to mess up. You're going to be an amazing mom because you care so much. It's okay to be scared; it's okay to worry. But don't let fear paralyse you."