Growing with J.A.C.I.E. (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Chapter 25

It was four in the morning and I had Eliza in my arms again. The warm glowing lamps on our bedside tables were on for what felt like the millionth time that night. Eliza was approaching three weeks old and had decided that cluster feeding was the only way to celebrate. Ever since we went to bed, she woke up every half hour, crying for more food.

I sat on the bed, with her flailing around, begging me to feed her again. Jack was already sitting up against the headboard as well, watching me as there wasn't anything he could do to help me. His shirt was still off from when he attempted to calm down Eliza with skin-to-skin contact earlier on in the night. I leaned against his chest, desperately needing his support.

Once in position, Eliza started greedily nursing again. After checking that she was latched on properly I rested my head against Jack.

"I'm so exhausted," I whispered, my voice wavering as tears started slipping out of my eyes.

"I know." Jack pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

I continued to sniffle and attempted to wipe away the tears on my cheeks. But for every tear I managed to dry, two more fell. Jack attempted to comfort me by bringing his hand up and massaging my head with his fingertips. But I was just too drained. Mentally. Physically. And everything in between.

I continued to silently cry as Eliza kept suckling and Jack kept trying to console me. The emotions were just too overwhelming. I knew it was all supposed to be for a good cause, but all I wanted was to sleep. Before long, my tears were no longer as subtle anymore. I was slowly starting to lose it. Luckily, Jack just gave me the space to let it all out.

A knock sounded on the door before it carefully opened and Joyce popped her head in. "Is there anything I can do to help you guys?"

I quickly tried to wipe away my tears again, not wanting to look too pathetic. But it was too late. Although it was relatively dark, the light hit my cheeks at just the right angle to show off the wetness.

"Oh, Jacie..." Joyce sighed and pushed into the room.

Her concern was evident in the furrowed lines on her forehead. She moved quietly, not wanting to disturb the fragile moment unfolding in this dimly lit space. After softly closing the door behind her, she approached with a gentle smile, her eyes filled with sympathy, and sat down on the edge of the bed on my side.

"Hey, it's okay," she said, reaching out, putting her hand on my leg in support. "This is tough, but you're doing an amazing job."

I nodded, managing a weak smile through the tears. Jack continued to hold me close, providing a silent pillar of support. He was still massaging the back of my head, his fingers running through my hair.

"I remember those nights," Joyce shared, her voice soft. "It's tough, but it does get better. And you're not alone in this."

"I know," I mumbled, grateful that she was trying to provide some reassurance. But, at the same time, I knew that countless of parents had faced similar challenges. Still, the exhaustion and late-night struggles took its toll.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" she asked again, nothing but compassion in her body language.

I shook my head. There really wasn't anything anybody could do to help me. I was the one that had to be up every two hours to make sure Eliza wouldn't starve. Nobody else could do that. I was her sole food source. While the intention was to eventually bottle feed her as well, that wasn't until a few weeks later, when I would start pumping and we'd have a stash of breastmilk for her.

"You're doing amazing, Jace," Jack chimed in, his voice hushed, and pressed another kiss to my head.

Joyce gently nodded in agreement, her hand still supportingly on my leg. "How about I get you a nice warm cup of tea?"

I took a deep shaky breath in, and accepted the offer with a nod. It was such a challenging phase, but I clung to the knowledge that I wasn't in this alone. While they couldn't take over my job as a nursing mother, they could be there as emotional support. Joyce gave me a smile before heading out of the room.

In the emotional moment, I barely noticed how Eliza had been nursing for much longer than she had the previous times that night. The room was quiet, save for her rhythmic sounds as she fed. Jack's fingers continued their soothing motions on my head, and I gradually started to regain my composure. The extreme exhaustion lingered, but the warmth of Jack's embrace helped to ease the burden.

Joyce returned a little while later with a steaming cup of chamomile tea. She placed it on my bedside table to keep safe until I no longer was holding Eliza. Even the aroma coming from the cup already created a calming atmosphere.

"Thank you," I whispered, meeting Joyce's understanding gaze.

"Of course," she said, her tone gentle. "If there's anything else you need, don't hesitate to come to us, okay?"

Jack and I both nodded, and she left the room, the door closing behind her. We settled into a hushed silence, watching as Eliza continued to nurse. Eventually, she decided she was satisfied, and released her latch. For the first time that night, she actually seemed to have a full belly.

"Let me burp her and stay up with her until she falls asleep," Jack offered, holding out his arms to take over. "You try to get some rest."

I wanted to protest, tell him that he also needed to get some much needed sleep. But I really was completely drained. So, I accepted the help and gently handed her over, taking a sip of the tea when my hands were free.

"Okay, Meerkat," Jack murmured under his breath and he moved Eliza onto his shoulder to burp her, "let's try to get some sleep, and let Mommy get some too."

Between the pats on Eliza's back, he helped me lie down again, tucking me in. Although the cup of tea had barely been touched, it was more a symbol than anything. It was a reminder that I wasn't alone.

"I love you," Jack whispered, brushing some hair out of my face.

"I love you," I mumbled back and closed my eyes.