Growing with J.A.C.I.E. (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Chapter 32

Jack was sitting on the couch, a guitar in his lap and his fingers dancing over the fretboard as he strummed. The soft melody gently filled the room, dancing with the sunlight that streamed in through the windows. Eliza was laying in my lap, holding onto my fingers as she looked up at me.

It had been three months since she was born, one month since we had to start figuring out how to be parents without any help, and a week and a half of me feeling like myself again. We were rediscovering the rhythm of our lives and finding out how to insert some normalcy into it again. Music was always going to be an integral part.

"What do you think?" I asked Eliza, tickling her tummy, causing her to kick her legs around. "Do you like Daddy's playing?"

She responded with a gummy smile and a loud coo, flailing her arms around in excitement.

"You do, don't you?" I grinned back, placing a few kisses on her cheek.

Jack continued to play some random chord progressions as he looked over at us with an affectionate gaze. "I'm glad. Imagine if she hated it."

"Well, she's got us for parents," I responded, brushing my fingers over Eliza's head, "she must have a gene for it."

The chord progressions and strumming pattern turned into something familiar. I shared a look with Jack, wondering where the idea suddenly came from. It wasn't even a song we'd ever worked on for more than a day. It wasn't even done. The whole second verse still had to be properly worked out.

Jack kept giving me eyes that urged me to sing the words we had come up with with every palmmute. But I just chuckled to myself. I couldn't remember the words to that part. They were written down somewhere, but I didn't have them on hand. Once he came to pre-chorus, though, I could still remember it.

As I sang the lyrics to Eliza, she stared up at me, completely mesmerised. I sang lullabies to her quite frequently, and they never failed to capture her interest. Now, though, the words had an actual meaning.

Jack and I had written the song back when I was six months pregnant and he'd just returned from a tour. The hormones had been making me feel so small and insignificant in the fastness of New York City. Him coming home reminded me that I wasn't just a random speck in the universe. I matter to him, he mattered to me.

Now, I mattered because Eliza needed me. I was her mother and wanted to show her the entire world. I wasn't nobody at all.

When the second verse was supposed to start, I just smiled at her again.

"Mommy and Daddy wrote that one when you were still growing in my tummy," I told her as if she could understand me.

She moved her arms around again and Jack strummed a few more chords before ending the song and halting his playing. His gaze was focused on Eliza, chuckling at her liveliness. It was a moment to properly take in and appreciate. He was going to be going on tour again two weeks later, leaving me and Eliza for three weeks before returning for a week again. Visiting him was going to be a little more difficult with a baby and it was something we were going to have to figure out together.

"You know," Jack spoke up, breaking the tranquil silence, "we should finish that one."

"I agree," I nodded, shifting my gaze to look at him. The song meant more now. "We'll just have to find the time between diaper changes and feedings."

"Slow and steady wins the race. We don't have to do it now."

Jack set the guitar aside, carefully placing it on the stand as he joined us on the couch. Eliza seemed content in her little world, observing everything around her with wide eyes. Her tiny fingers gripped onto anything in her way.

"It's amazing how she reacts to music," Jack remarked, his fingers lightly brushing Eliza's cheek.

"Yeah, it's like she understands," I replied, my heart swelling with pride. "Maybe she'll be a little musician too."

Jack chuckled. "Wouldn't that be something? Our own little rockstar."

He reached out to gently stroke her hand, and Eliza promptly yawned. She'd been awake for an hour and a half and it was almost time for her afternoon nap.

"That's our cue," Jack chuckled, "she's getting sleepy."

I carefully shifted her to rest against my shoulder as Jack stood up to get her sleep sack ready. Her eyes dropped before I even walked all the way to the bassinet that still occupied our living room. I gently lowered her onto the mattress with the unzipped sleep sack. Jack took over to zip it up, creating a little Eliza cocoon.

With Eliza seemingly okay to sleep without us holding her, I went to the kitchen to grab myself a drink. I got myself some juice to keep my blood sugar up and turned around to find Jack sitting next to the bassinet with a bittersweet smile. He was watching Eliza as if trying to remember every little detail.

"Are you worried about leaving us?" I asked as I went up to him and comfortingly rubbed his back.

He sighed as he gave a nod, not taking his eyes off our sleeping daughter. "Yeah, a bit. I'm going to miss so many moments."

Leaning against him, I understood the weight of his words. Becoming parents added a different kind of complexity to our lives. It was one thing to be apart for extended periods when it was just the two of us. Now, he'd also miss moments of Eliza's life. It was the life we had chosen, though. It was the life of a touring musician.

"Hey, you know I'm going to be sending you multiple pictures and videos a day," I promised, pressing a kiss to his head. "And when she's older, we'll be visiting you whenever possible."

"I know..." he sighed, still conflicted. "It's just going to be hard leaving you two behind. I don't want to leave you two behind."

The room fell into a contemplative silence as we both watched Eliza sleep. The soft sounds of her breaths filled the air, a reminder of the precious life we had brought into the world.

I sat down next to him, taking his hand in mine. "No matter where you are, Eliza and I will be here, cheering you on every step of the way."

He managed a small smile, his eyes reflecting a mix of love and longing. "I know. It just feels like I'll be missing out on so much."

"We'll make it work," I reassured him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "And when you come back, I'll have even more stories and moments to share with you."

He nodded and we sat in the quiet for a while, the weight of the upcoming separation settling around us. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but it was something we were going to have to navigate. It would take a while before we found the right balance between being parents and our jobs.

After a moment, Jack shook his head and a tear dropped from his cheek. "She's so beautiful, Jace. I don't want to miss a single moment."

"You won't," I assured him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "We'll make sure to keep you connected, no matter the distance."

Jack and I lingered in that quiet moment as Eliza slept peacefully in her cocoon. Every precious second counted.