Stigma || Kim Namjoon

29

One time we got into a fight.
We used to bicker sometimes, it's normal. But this time was different.
You came home after college and sat on top of the desk.
I was organizing the books that I placed on the shelves as you came in.
So I stopped what I was doing and walked towards you.
I looked outside to make sure no one was passing by and I stole a quick kiss from you.
You suddenly looked at me with a serious facial expression and asked me out of the blue
'Are you really happy living like this?'
I looked at you confusedly as I furrowed my eyebrows.

'What do you mean?' I asked.
'Yes I'm happy. I prefer living a comfortable and simple life. Also, you're with me. I wouldn't ask for more.'
I added then I smiled.
You exhaled heavily. 'What's wrong?' I asked you.
'Namjoon, how about you apply to the college I'm attending? Huh?
We'll go together and come back together.
You can study literature or something similar to that.'
I didn't expect you to say something like that so my smile dropped.
'What's wrong with living like this?' I asked as I raised my voice.

'Do you really think that we can live like this for the rest of our lives?'
You asked honestly.
'I already told you. Yes.' I answered as I raised my voice louder.
'Stop yelling at me.' You raised your voice.
'I'm not. I'm totally fine and calm.' I raised my hands in defense
as I backed away a few steps away from you.
Obviously I wasn't calm at that moment.
'Are you embarrassed because
this is what I'm doing for a living?
Soo Yun, I'm not giving up this book store. You know that my parents left this for me and the house we used to live in but I had to sell it. I'm not going to do the same thing to this book store.'
I said angrily.

You jumped off of the desk and said 'I didn't say that! I meant why don't you go to college and open the book store afterwards! I'll help you!'
'Oh now I get it. You don't want to
stay with someone uneducated because you're educated.' I scoffed.
'Namjoon, you know that's not what I meant! You're always writing and I thought that if you get a degree you might have a better chance to be an author.' You defended yourself.
'So I can't be an author without a degree?' I asked you.
'You know what forget it. Forget what I just said.' You said because you were frustrated.
'No tell me.' I demanded as I grabbed your arm.

'I'm not going to continue this conversation until you calm down.' You said.
I squeezed your arm without even noticing because I was angry.
'Namjoon you're hurting me. Let go of me.' You said as you grabbed my wrist trying to push it away.
I saw that tears were forming in your eyes which caused me to snap back to reality then I let go of you.
I opened my mouth to speak but you were already out of the door.
After a few hours I went to your house after I calmed down.
Your mother greeted me and told me that you were in your room.

We talked it out and made up.
After that I vowed to myself not to get
angry at you without hearing what you have to say.
I knew that you just wanted me to be happy but I couldn't control my anger. I'm sorry Soo Yun.
I love you.

To: Soo Yun
From: Namjoon
July/25/1938