Genshin x (Youkai) Reader Hurt & Angst/Comfort and Fluff

(TW: Anxiety/Trauma) Hu Tao and M!Reader PTSD/Anxiety Comfort

Request from JustBaraa12

You'd spent enough time in Liyue that it had begun to feel like home. The bustling harbor brought a smile to your face every morning, the sounds of people collaborating and trading filling you with happiness. Your friends in the nation of contracts were such wonderful people, like Madame Ping and her young disciple, Yaoyao. Or those at Bubu Pharmacy, Dr. Baizhu and Qiqi. Or the hardworking members of the Qixing. Or Zhongli and his boss, Hu Tao, at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

Despite all the joy that was brought to you on the daily, though, there was still this sinking feeling in your gut. No matter how happy you felt, the feeling persisted, making it incredibly difficult to do much of anything.

But, being the Traveler, you were constantly being asked to run errands or scare off monsters. You never really got a moment to breathe. And for the past few months, it had slowly been getting worse. You had felt it creeping up on you, the weight of everything on your mind gradually increasing. You found yourself struggling to sleep at night, paralyzed by spirals of worries.

What if I wake up tomorrow and the whole of Liyue has been destroyed? What if, while I'm sleeping, all my friends are fighting for their lives against who-knows-what? The Fatui? The Abyss Order? Osial or Beisht? And, every time this happened, the same fear would shout above the jumbled voices of the others. 

What if, when I wake up, everyone I care about is dead? If you were allowed to reach that point, there was no way to get you to sleep until the next night.

And when you did manage to get to sleep, it's not like that was any better. You'd be relentlessly plagued by horrible nightmares of disasters of the past. Except in these dreams, you hadn't been enough. You'd be sitting in the smoldering remains of a city you had visited, surrounded by the corpses of those you loved. The most horrifying part? They spoke.

"Traveler... you betrayed us..." Ganyu's eyes were hollow and one of her horns was snapped.

"You let us die.." Rasped Yelan.

"And yet you get to live... while Qiqi dies..." Only sadness swam in the little zombie's eyes.

"You shouldn't be alive..." Changsheng hissed weakly, coiling around the forearm of a lifeless Baizhu.

"You have no right to your life... when all of ours were taken..." Cloud Retainer's crane form lifted her head with effort, her bloody wings splayed at her sides. Her voice was full of disdain.

"Why... why would you do this to us, Traveler?" Zhongli glared at you with bloodshot eyes.

"He obviously.. doesn't want us.. around..." Yanfei coughed out blood.

You wanted so much to cry, to scream and shout and tell them you didn't mean it. You never wanted them to die. If I could die with you, I would, you thought desperately. But your mouth was frozen shut, and you were condemned to silence.

When the nightmare ended, you shot up from your bed, sweating profusely. You tried to get your panicked breathing under control, pressing a hand to your chest and squeezing your eyes shut. "It was just a dream.. just a dream... everyone is safe..." you attempted to console yourself. After a few minutes, you lay back down and stared up at the ceiling, trying to use Paimon's snores to lull yourself back to sleep.

...

One day, you were completing a commission on Wuwang Hill. It was nothing dangerous, just a few hilichurls, so Paimon had stayed in Liyue Harbor to do... whatever Paimon does. You struck each monster with pinpoint accuracy, knocking them down in no time. But as you watched the last hilichurl fall to its knees, disintegrating before it hit the ground, you saw something strange.

For just a second, the hilichurl was replaced by Hu Tao, her usually bright eyes full of tears, staring up at you sadly. Then she was gone, only a broken hilichurl mask left in her absence. You dropped your sword, staggering backwards. No. No, no no. Surely this couldn't be. Your friend was safe, at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor in the harbor. But the horrifying thought of, did I just kill my friend? persisted in your mind. Your breathing became erratic, and you fell to the ground, your eyes beginning to flow with tears. You couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but panic. I just killed my friend. You thought.

Hu Tao was on her way up Wuwang Hill when she saw a familiar face. Isn't that the Traveler? She thought. I should go say hi to him! Not many souls who aren't grieving come up here, so maybe it'll do him some good to talk to me.

She approached you, smiling happily, until she noticed your current state. You were breathing rapidly, with unfocused eyes and tears streaming down your face. Seeing this, she changed her demeanor. "Hey, hey, hey.. it's okay. Traveler, can you look at me?" Her usual, out-of-the-ordinary speech was nowhere to be found; she was genuinely worried for you. With some effort, you lifted your head from out of your hands and met the director's eyes. "It's going to be okay." She said softly. "So breathe." 

You spent a few minutes doing breathing exercises with her, eventually calming down enough to gain a clearer focus of the situation. Shakily, you reached out a hand to touch her shoulder. "You're alive..." You whispered.

"Aiya! Why, of course I am! I doubt it would be good for business if the director of a funeral parlor was anything other than alive." She laughed softly. Hearing your friend laugh brought a bit of comfort to your mind. "Why would you think I would be dead, though?" Her question caught you off guard. You broke your eye contact, looking at the grass below you. "You won't think it's weird, right?" You murmured.

Hu Tao let out another small chuckle. "Traveler, if I'm the one people see as weird, I know I can handle whatever's going on in that brain of yours." She poked your forehead. Sighing, you smiled for a second before finally, finally letting out all the anxieties and secrets that had been torturing you. When you were done, she placed a comforting hand on your back, slowly patting it. "That's a lot, I will admit." She murmured. "But you know there's nothing to be afraid of with death, right? It catches up to everyone." You nodded sadly.

"I know. But I can't help it. I've lost so many people, I-" you began crying again, and tried to wipe the tears away quickly. However, Hu Tao stopped you by grabbing your wrist. "Let them be there." She insisted. "It'll help you let out your emotions, maybe even cut back your fear a bit. People tend to not want to feel unpleasant emotions, but it only means they end up passing on with regrets. And that, my dear friend, makes lots more ghosts." She explained. "I'd prefer you pass peacefully, with no regrets. So please, go ahead and cry. Just this once?"

You took her advice, allowing the floodgates to open and for the full force of your emotion to come pouring out. When your eyes were dry, you felt a sense of relief. "See?" Your friend smiled.

Without warning, you lunged forwards, wrapping the director in a tight hug. "Thank you." You whispered. Relaxing from the initial surprise, she lay her hands on your back. "Of course. We can get through this. I'll be here when you need me, okay?" You nodded, and sat together on Wuwang Hill with Hu Tao. 

She stayed with you until you felt ready to head back to the harbor. "See you around, dear customer!" She winked before turning and heading back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

You smiled, knowing that she would truly be there for you whenever you needed company.

-

A/N

I hope you liked this one, Baraa! I had a good time writing it, and hope you feel like your request was fulfilled.

Stay safe and I love you all! <3

-Enby