Request from kenji137
No, no, no no no no no.
You clutched your ears with your hands, the memories surging through your head with sharp jolts of pain. You hated this feeling. The feeling of being totally weak, totally helpless as the flashbacks took over. When you blinked, you saw images of violent scenes flicker behind your eyes, from the disaster ravaging Khaenri'ah to Dvalin attacking Mondstadt, then the terrifying battle against Osial and fighting for the ambitions of every person in Inazuma.
The trust of everyone is in me. I can't fail. I can't mess up. If I die, no one will be safe.
The bright glare of lightning flashed, nearly blinding you. You screamed once, then slapped your hand over your mouth. I can't let her hear me. You thought, trying to slow your breathing and ease the pace of the flashbacks. The rows of scars across your body briefly flashed silver as the bathroom lights hit them.
I wish I could just go back in time. You thought desperately, squeezing your eyes shut. Glancing at the door to the bathroom, you ensured the lock was in place. Good. You didn't want your partner to walk in anytime soon. Clutching at your shirt that suddenly felt too small, you could feel your heart racing to pump blood through your body.
The Shouki no Kami extended a hand, wrapping its long, metallic fingers around your body. Everything seemed too small, and you felt your whole body shaking.
Stop, stop, stop. Make it stop. I want it all to stop. Trailing your fingers over your scarred skin, a memory suddenly broke past the whirling storm of flashbacks.
You sat on the edge of the stage in Zubayr Theater, late at night. The Grand Bazaar was completely empty aside from a merchant packing up their wares for the night. They soon left.
You glanced to your side, meeting the soft blue eyes of Nilou. She smiled, leaning forwards and kissing your cheek. Then she leaned on your shoulder with a happy exhale. "I love these moments with you. I feel so.. safe. So cared for. Thanks, love." Her loving voice reached your ears. "Of course, love. You make me feel the same way, y'know." You heard your own voice reply. She laughed softly and placed a hand over yours.
"Traveler?!" You were startled by her voice this time; it sounded much louder and almost... scared? Glancing at Nilou, you noticed her face had shifted to a concerned expression. "Traveler!" She said again, and with a sudden shake of your shoulders you found yourself in the bathroom. Your lover was holding your face and hers bore the same look as it had in the memory. "N- Nilou..?" You trembled.
She smiled softly. "There you are, my shining sun." She pressed her forehead to yours, gazing into your eyes.
You reached up and grabbed one of her wrists. "How did you.. get in here? I swear I locked the..." You glanced at the door, the realization dawning on you. The doorknob was completely ripped off. Nilou grinned sheepishly when you turned back towards her, pressing a finger to her lips. "We can, uhh.. talk about that later, right?" Managing a tired smile, you nodded, pushing yourself upright to sit against the wall. "Good. So, um... do you mind telling me what happened?" She asked, taking your hands in hers. You remained quiet- that was just about the last thing you wanted to do right now.
"How about I tell you what happened on my end first?" She prompted, and you nodded slowly.
"Alright. So, I was kind of half-asleep when I felt something.. I dunno, flail? At first I thought I had just imagined it, so I closed my eyes and was about to fall back to sleep when the bed on your side got lighter. Then, I heard the bathroom door open and shut really quickly, like you were panicking. So I got up slowly and.. I heard you panting and crying. And then.. oh, love, you screamed so horribly. I got really scared, and also kinda desperate. So I.. uh..." She trailed off, eyes wandering to the wrecked door. "Yeah." Another slightly-anxious laugh escaped her. "Don't worry, I can get Mister Farhad to help replace it." She reassured.
You nodded again. "Okay. I swore I was being quiet, but I guess nothing can get past you, hm?" Nilou's lips curved upwards in a gentle smile. "Don't worry about it. I'm a light sleeper and you know that, love." She murmured.
You chuckled. "Okay. I'm ready to talk it out now." Taking a deep breath, you squeezed her hands for a moment.
As you began recounting your flashbacks to your partner, your voice began shaking again. Everything felt like so much. "I just... I kept looking at my scars and wondering. What if I had given in all those times? When I fought Stormterror, or Osial, or the Shogun or the Balladeer- what would have happened if I'd died then? Would I have caused less destruction? Would Teyvat be safer? And.. and certain scars, they.. make me.. you know.." You couldn't say it, instead shrugging your shoulders.
Nilou readjusted her grip on your hands, cupping them between hers. "Oh, darling. I'm so sorry. That sounds so painful, I can't even begin to imagine how heavy that weight must feel." She pet one of your ears softly, her fingers dancing lightly across it. "But I want you to know I'm here for you at all times. We can get through this together. And if we can't make it totally better, that's okay. We'll work together to help you feel safer. Does.. that sound alright?" She asked tentatively.
You wrapped your arms around her, hugging the slightly-sleepy star of Zubayr Theater to yourself. "I love you. So, so, so much." You murmured, holding back your tears. "Thank you."
Your hair moved as Nilou smiled into your chest as she returned the embrace. "There's no need to thank me, Traveler. I'm your partner; I will always do what I can to make sure you know how loved you are. Always." She hummed softly. "Would you like to head to bed? It's more comfortable than the cold bathroom floor."
Concurring, you allowed your lover to help you stand and avoid the wood chips as you exited the bathroom. Flopping back into bed with a tired sigh, she rolled over to wrap her arms around your midsection. Smiling softly, she leaned a little closer. A small chuckle escaped you; that was her way of asking for a goodnight kiss. You obliged, closing the distance and holding her against you for a moment.
"Archons, I love you so much." Nilou mumbled, cuddling close and breathing a deep, relaxed sigh. You placed another kiss on her forehead.
"I love you, too."
I'm going to be alright. Thank you, Nilou.
-
A/N
Ack I really love this chapter and hope you guys did too! Thank you to kenji for requesting this chapter. I hope you've been doing well! <3
Reminder: you are all loved! Please stay safe and take care of yourselves.
-Enby
YOU ARE READING
Genshin x (Youkai) Reader Hurt & Angst/Comfort and Fluff
General Fiction-I require an outlet for the part of me that craves despair and then do my best to comfort that despair, then sometimes I write little fluffy guys as a treat :) -Most of the content here is x Reader, but once in a blue moon I write for ships I like ...
