THUGGIN TO LOVIN || TOM KAULITZ

𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗘𝗘

"Behind every sweet smile, there is a bitter sadness that no one can ever see and feel."
—
Alexa Sinclair

I wiped away my tears, wincing as I pulled my jeans over my thighs.

"Al, i'm leaving for school in five minutes! Hurry up if you want a ride!" Ryder called from the staircase. I sniffled, trying to steady my hands.

"Yeah got it!"

Why do I keep doing this to myself? I have no reason to be feeling this way, I have good grades, a good home life...

I just... feel empty.

I lost my mom when I was young, everyone says it must have hurt less, since I didn't remember her as much.

I remembered everything.

The way her hair used to shine beneath the sun, the way she smelled, everything.

It's been eleven years now, and i'm still an absolute shit show.

Quickly pulling myself together, as I tried to ignore the way i'd mutilated myself. I got my converse on. I wasn't proud of it.

But, it's how I cope... and it's better than letting everybody know i'm feeling this way.

Yesterday when Tom left he let me hug him, he didn't hug me back, but still.

It felt nice. I liked how I felt when I was with him, even though he speaks weird.

I wanted to ask him something, but I wasn't sure he'd allow it. Or say yes to me.

I'm nervous to ask, but... I guess i'll have to see how it goes. He's nice, well.. sometimes.

He has a temper, that's for sure.

—

I waited for all of Ryder's friends to leave his locker, before trailing after who I was looking for. I'm nervous, this is nervewracking.

"Tom." I whispered, grabbing his hand.

He turned around, seconds passing by before I felt myself get slammed into some lockers.

"Ow." I screwed my eyes shut.

"Fuck, Alexa!" He screamed letting go of me, I rolled my shoulders back, as I tried to get over the immense pain in my back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry." He threw his hands up in the air and held on the back of his neck while taking a step back.

"I'm okay... i'm sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you." The stinging feeling began to fade, and realization set.

"Your hand." I looked at his poorly wrapped wrist, a shudder rolling through his body once I'd touched it. "Shorty, nobody gave you permission to touch me."

He's right. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

Tom dropped his bunched up shoulders. "It's... cool, i'm cool. What did you want?"

Is it still a good idea to ask him?

"Can I talk to you in private?" I lowered my voice, he nodded, pulling me into an empty classroom. Wow no questions asked?