My brother is a hood |D.W| AU

Chapter Ten: The truth

My chest tightens and my muscles tense. I can feel my hands start to tremble as they stare at me. I try to think of an excuse to tell them why I act the way I do but I'm not even sure why. I look around the room and all eyes on me. The silence in the room was deafening and I couldn't bare it any longer. "It's a female thing." I blurted out the first thing that came to the top of my head. They all exchanged weird looks and nodded their heads.
As if that seemed to justify my mood swings they continued doing what they were doing before. Two-Bit was drinking a beer and watching Darry make a fresh chocolate cake. Soda and Steve were playing a intense game of poker. Johnny was sitting on the couch watching tv and Pony was reading a book. Dal walks into the kitchen leaving me with Johnny and Pony. I sit down next to Johnny and start rubbing my forehead.
Why am I such a mess? I'm psychotic that's it. I overreact about everything and then I run off to make everything about me and then freak out when all eyes are on me. Why can't I just be cool and not worry about everything? I wish I could change things. No matter how hard I try the demons always come back. I belong in an asylum.
I'm pulled out of my deep thought by Steve and Soda arguing over some poker game. "You're such a filthy cheater Soda. I don't know why I keep playing with you cause you always cheat!" Steve huffed as he threw his cards on the table. Soda chuckled and picked up the cards "I don't cheat you just suck at poker!" Steve rolled his eyes and got up "Whatever you say man. I'm going home." He made his rounds and said goodbye and headed for home. Two-Bit finished his beer and left to go find some action.
Dally was having a conversation with Darry about something that seemed important cause they were talking in hushed voices. A million things ran through my mind as if what they could have been talking about. Maybe they were thinking of sending me back to New York or even shipping me off to the asylum. Or maybe they weren't even talking about me.
Dal walked out of the kitchen and plopped down on the couch next to me "So Darry and I were talking and me being the responsible big brother I am, it would be best if you stay here and not at Bucks." I looked at him in shock "Since when are you responsible?" He frowned his eyebrows "Since you showed up and started causing trouble. And besides you have no say really because I'm basically your guardian so there. " I rolled my eyes and sighed. He was technically right I do have to listen to him and he's just looking out for me. "Whatever you say big brother." I bat my eyes and plaster a fake smile on my face.
He gets up and stretches "I'm glad I settled that. I'll see you tomorrow." He heads for the door and I frown my eyebrows "You're just going to leave me here without clothes to sleep in?" Dal shrugs his shoulders "You'll just have to borrow some of Pony's till tomorrow. Johnny want to come with?" I scoff and Johnny gets up and leaves with Dal.
I'm now stuck here with the boy who messed everything up. All the walls I built and emotions I suppressed came spilling out. My muscles start to tense as I'm now in another uncomfortable situation. I bite my lip as I try to figure out what I'm going to do.
Ponyboy comes out of his shared bedroom holding a tee shirt and pair of pajama pants and hands them to me "I hope they fit you." I force a smile on my face "Thank you Pony it means a lot." I walk into the bathroom to get changed.     
      As I stand in the mirror in his tee shirt that goes down mid thigh on me and a pair of his pajama pants. I can't help but stare at my reflection once again. How is it that I look so composed on the outside but in the inside I'ma wreck. I splash some water on my face and prepare myself for the longest night of my life.
When I exit the bathroom Ponyboy is making the couch up into a neat little bed. I smile at the scene and walk over to the couch. Darry comes out of his room "I'm heading to bed now but if you need anything I'm right down the hallway so don't be afraid to holler." I nod my head and smile. Pony looks over at me and smiles "I fixed your bed for you. It's not that comfortable but I hope it will do." I sit down on the fixed bed and smiled "I've slept on worse things. But can I um talk to you real quick?" He slowly nodded his head and sat down next to me on the couch. "You haven't told anyone about what happened down on the tracks have you?" I looked down and fiddled with my hands. "No I haven't. And I won't. I don't know why you feel that way Jesse and you don't have to tell me. But I don't want to see you hurting like that.." I slowly look up at him "..Jesse you will always have me to talk to. I know things between us is rough and I've said hurtful things to you when I didn't mean them. But as long as I'm around I'll be here for you." I chewed on the inside of my lip hanging on every word he said. I find his words meaningful and deceitful all at the same time. How can I ever trust a man after what I've been through?  "Do you mean it Ponyboy? Do you really mean it? Or are you just telling me what I want to hear?"  He sits there doing the one thing I hate, staring at me.
      The tensions between us begins to grow. "I don't know what you've been through and I know I can't fix the past but I do care about you. You're not like the girls around here. If I didn't feel that way towards you I wouldn't have stayed at the hospital with you. Even though Angela got upset I stayed there as long as I could. I wanted to be there when you woke up. I wanted to make sure you were okay. She doesn't compare to you. I was hurt when she told me you didn't feel the same way as I did. And it made me think that a girl like you would never feel that way towards me and that Angela was the closest I would ever get." I stared up at the light brown haired boy in disbelief. "I'm not that special. I'm just some crazy broad from New York who doesn't like feeling and avoids her emotions. I curse to much, drink more than I should, and make terrible decisions. I run from anything and anyone who makes me feel. I don't get it Ponyboy.. Why me? I'm just as messed up like my brother maybe even worse. You can't get involved with me I just fuck everything up."
        I frown and look down at my hands. I'm not use to this whole situation. Ain't nobody ever had conversations like this with me. All my exs wanted was sex and beer. They never wanted to talk and never showed emotions. Always staying out late and coming home smelling like other females. I've lost all trust for guys. I mean the only guy I ever loved broke his promise and left me. Ponyboy took my hands in his. "Jesse, I'm just as messed up as you are. I don't look it but I am. I don't care if you swear too much and drink more than you should. I accept you and all your flaws. I want to take down your walls and I want you to open up to me. I care about you." I stared into his bright green eyes. As I fumbled to find the words to speak I wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his chest.
Before I could realize it tears start to fall down my cheeks. The tears start rolling faster and faster as I ball my eyes out into his shirt. The tighter he holds me I swear I start to cry even more. I've never had someone there for me like this. As I cry into his arms I can feel my walls start to fall down. I feel safe in his arms, like nothing can hurt me.
The water works seemed like they would never stop but they finally did. I pulled back from our embrace and wiped my face with my hands. With out saying anything I lay down on the makeshift bed he made me. Pony pulled the blankets up over me and tucked me in. Just as he was about to head to his room to let me rest I touched his arm stopping him "Please...stay with me... just till I fall asleep.." he motioned for me move over on to make room for him in the tiny couch. "Just until you fall asleep." he yawned and wrapped his arms around me. I placed my head on his chest and felt my eyelids getting heavier by the second. For once I felt safe and at peace.

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A/N
Well well well long time no see? Sorry that I take forever to update but I'm currently going into my second year of college and don't have a bunch of spare time but I do try and write when I can. I also go back and edit the story (grammar and plot wise) because when I started this story I was in 8th grade and here I am in college. I'm trying to keep the plot mostly the same but some things don't make sense to me anymore so I'm changing it so please bare with me. Also I'll try and update more but I'm truly sorry. Thank you so much for all the support you guys I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Also I apologize if this is a short chapter I just thought you guys deserved something to hold you guys over for a little bit.

-Rach