mistakes like this | minsung ✗

chapter twenty.

↳ jisung's pov ⋆｡˚ 

today is a big deal for me. a big nervous wrecking day. i have a play to act in, and i'm the lead protagonist. this time, as a male character. i'm excited, thrilled, and anxious, along with nervous. 

i invited felix, my best friend. seungmin, my boyfriend. and, minho...my friend. yes, my friend. 

it still feels strange, to call him my friend knowing that's semi all i wanted to have with him. the younger me wouldn't be able to believe the fact that i'd manage to befriend minho in good terms. but, it's happened. he's my friend. 

my total homosexual friend who i don't have any feelings for. not anymore anyway. 

although, i wouldn't say homosexual anymore. it's crazy to think minho has gone into questioning because of me. what a complete surprise. the younger me wouldn't be able to believe that either. 

"jisung! are you all changed?!" our actress and mentor, hyein asks me with a full-on busy expression on her features. 

i nod my head quickly. "yeah!" 

"make up and accessories all checked?" she asks in a hurry, and then someone shouts out her name and she flinches. 

"yeah, i'm all done and ready to go on stage," i reassured her. 

she smiles at me weakly. "great...! go over your lines, won't you?" 

"yeah, of course," i grab the sheet of paper that had already been out for me to re-read through for what felt like the hundredth time now. 

"okay, we're on in fifteenth minutes!" she informs me both excitedly and anxiously before walking off and leaving me to myself. 

i inhale in a deep breath before i look down at my shaking hands. "fuck," i mumble quietly and take my hands into a fist in hopes to calm the nerves. my nails feeling a lot more heavier due to the black paint on them, i try not to let my habit of chewing on them take over me whenever i'm under stress. 

this'll be fine. 

i'll be okay. 

everything will turn out okay.  

today there will be scouts hidden in the audience. which makes everything so much more nerve wrecking. they'll be observing our acting skills and if they like our talent, they'll contact us and bring us to their company and possibly let us become part of their film. 

i hope this all goes great. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

we're on in two minutes, and i'm stuck looking at the crowd and looking for those familiar faces. i instantly take notice of felix, because he's in the front and beaming at me with a proud smile. seungmin is sitting right beside of him, he waves at me with a soft smile on his face. the sight of them sets the nerves fading away and only relief and warmth spreading all over me. 

but even so, after spotting them, my eyes go back to the audience. looking for another face, but i don't see him. 

my gaze falters to the ground as a lump starts to form in my throat and i don't know why i suddenly feel so disappointed. 

he said...he was gonna be here. 

was that just a lie? 

"one minute!" 

gosh, why do i care so much? 

it doesn't matter. 

minho shouldn't be my concern or be part of any of my worries right now. 

"jisung into your position!" 

i shake the thoughts off and walk up the stage when the curtains finally began their grand reveal. 

focus. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

in the middle of the play, i can't help but turn to look back at the audience and my entire mind runs blank when i lock gazes with a certain pained look of eyes. 

minho is here. 

in a quick second, hardly enough for me to realize it myself, my entire soul cleanses with tranquility and hope. 

i continue on with my lines and push minho out of mind just for a moment before i'm backstage and i peak through a curtain to clearly see minho sitting on a seat, far off in the corner of the room. like he doesn't want to be seen. but he's here, sitting there so perfectly and neatly. his lips pursed and a defining gaze on the stage. 

my heart escalates. 

and fuck me because why did he just have to do that? 

make such an important appearance for this important day for me? 

still...even so, a smile forms on my lips and i feel much more alive than i felt like i did. this is what i need. to feel special in this important day. to cease the day. to make this day mine. 

and i will, i know i will. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

everything ends in a good note. the play ends, felix and seungmin walk up to me at the end to congratulate me, giving me their beautiful bouquet of flowers. and the scouting team walk up to me to tell me how please they were by my performance, in return giving me their business card.

everything went okay. 

i got what i wanted, and what i needed. 

i excuse myself from my friends when i don't see minho anywhere. 

his absence for obvious reasons affects me more than i should let it. 

i go around the room that the play took place but i can't spot him anywhere. i even decide to look outside the building in hopes to catch him but disappointingly, he's nowhere to be seen. 

he was here...right? 

i couldn't have been dreaming. that'd be impossible and most importantly, crazy for me to imagine.

did i just create an image of minho? being here and supporting me? did i just make a fake scenario of him? 

just then my phone buzzes in my pockets and i'm quick to fetch it since the person who i want to see is not actually here but just a fake idea created by my own mind.

fuck, i sound like a damn lunatic. 

the message is from minho. 

ha, speak of the devil. 

i press on the screen and it opens up the leading message. i expect it to be an apology for not being able to attend my play but the thing that reflects my eyes shocks me. 

lee minho aka childhood bully (not true ily)

the contact name makes me cringe, realizing i really have to change it now. i'd forgotten about that...we hardly ever text or call anymore...even though we are supposed to be friends. 

you did amazing ji...i'm happy for you, and i hope u achieve everything in life you dream of and wish for
you're the only star that shinned the brightest today 
all i saw was you taking over everything
just like you deserve it all 
don't be afraid of making it yours, because everything you touch and set your eyes on, is already your own...
goodnight 

so it wasn't just a creation of my mind. 

he was actually here. 

so why did he leave?