mistakes like this | minsung ✗

chapter twenty three.

↳ jisung's pov ⋆｡˚

minho has dropped out of university. he's gone, and i don't think he'll ever return again.

the rumors have already spread, and minho has been given the name "second handsome and unfortunate homosexual to have come out." the title makes me feel so acid and angry at the thought of who could've done that to him.

even though he's been such an asshole to me, he shouldn't deserve that. none of us do. none of the people who come out should be afraid and so horrified at the thought of being who they are. but that's reality. that's the truth we must hide from everyone, even to ourselves.

i don't know where minho has gone, and it's been two weeks since that happened. he hasn't texted, nor called since. i know i should probably just send him a text but our last conversation we had together makes me think i shouldn't. that i should give him space.

i worry, about what he's doing, how he's taking this. where he even is. and it sucks because i never asked him before this could happen, where he was staying at. where his new place was at. and when i tried asking his friends, jeongin and changbin, none of them knew.

i was surprised to see how they handled the situation of their friend. jeongin was shocked to hear the news, but he wasn't judging. more like, he was worried...it was the first time i ever saw him get so defensive and anything else but be a complete jerk. he looked regretful about certain things too. while changbin was, the complete protector. stopping and interrupting anyone who ever spoke about minho in such a disgusting way.

both of them were very surprised of the news, and at first they didn't seem to believe it. but i think they slowly came to realization with everything.

seungmin...he was pretty stunned too. he was angry when he heard what minho had said to me...in front of him...but i know minho didn't meant to say it in front of him. he got impulsive. his emotions took control of him...i know how that feels.

seungmin didn't speak to me for a week, and i thought everything we had was going to be another tragedy of love...but, he forgave me. he understood me. the situation i was in, why i didn't tell him about minho and i, why i had to lie to him...he said he was proud of me. for not telling him, and for keeping my promise instead to someone i never wanted to hurt.

seungmin is considerate, understandable.

i told him about everything i had done with minho, what we shared and our past. he came to realize that no matter what, minho will be a special person to me, but he also wanted to be that special person for me too.

seungmin said he didn't want to let me go, that he wanted to keep loving me and that we could still be together. i still wanted to be with him. so, we're together. and i'm pretty sure this time, no one will have to get in the way of our relationship.

minho said he loves me, and i loved him.

but i have moved on, and i am in love with someone else. i can't choose him over something i already have and love having. he knows that, we both know that, so we're moving forward. i have a life already waiting for me, and he has a life to find...we're not ready for each other yet. until we see each other once again, maybe then, we'll finally have our happy ending.

someday.

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june 22 2022

i'm making food when i sudden knock on my door grabs my attention.

i make my to the door and unlock it. i see no one but a cardboard box on the floor.

what the?

i don't recall ever ordering anything...did seungmin order something?

i grab it from the floor to look at the packing location to see my apartment numbers.

okay, so seungmin must've ordered something.

but then.

my name.

han jisung.

my eyebrows furrowed and i set the package on the table and walk to grab a knife from the drawers. i slice it open and it reveals a drawing...of me.

it looks...exactly like me.

has my face always looked like that before?

i look down at the initials and the letters are the only ones that can't stop from thinking...

minho.

lee minho. lm.

he drew this?

no way...since when did ever become so good at art?

i'm about to throw out the box when a sudden noise coming from inside stops me and i look further inside to notice a card stuck in there.

an envelope.

a letter.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

my dearest han jisung,

this is my first ever letter i've written before. for anyone. i hope it doesn't require any capabilities, nor any grading haha...anyway, since i don't have any paper on me at the moment, i'm afraid this will be in one. i hope everything i want to say fits in this paper, and the ink holds on for a little longer...first of all, i want to ask you how you're doing, but i am sad that i will not be able to have a response to that. so, i will talk about me instead. even though i don't want to be selfish again, or steal anymore of the spotlight but this is a must...would you like to hear what i've been up to? i hope so.

i have left seoul. i am in japan at the moment. though, i'm not alone. a friend of mine had personally (and completely on his own) volunteered to join me. i would have rejected his presence but i think i needed it. his name is hyunjin, he's an amazing artist. actually he's the one who gave me art lessons...i hope you liked my drawing of you. i did the best i could with the memories i have of you, i wonder whether or not your face has changed within this time...i wish i could know.

but anyway, back to me...i don't know where i'm going, i don't know where i need to be, but i am exploring for now. so far, hyunjin and i have gone to america, thailand, and now japan...i don't know where we'll go next, but maybe italy, or london...but as i am exploring, i am realizing how the world isn't at all what i thought it was. i had been so focus on myself, so focus on the people around, that i forgot and never realized, how no one really cares about me unless i am someone to them. and i have figured out that i am no one but a doll to the people back there...that's why i had to leave.

i hope you're truly doing okay. and that you're getting everything you want and need because you deserve it all. every little thing. you are capable of anything, jisung. i know you are. you're life will never take things for the worst, you'll know what are the right things to do. don't ever doubt yourself.

i have run out of paper...one day, we'll explore the world together. i wouldn't mind doing it all over again with you. as long as it's with you.

my only one, han jisung. i love you till the very end.

someday, lee minho.