Badass, Babe, Bicon {Rosa Diaz}

HALLOWEEN

published: 6-22-2024

"Ugh, Halloween is the worst," Amy huffed after being forced against Terry's desk to make room for a kicking mule. "Everyone's drunk wearing a mask, and carrying a fake gun. Plus all the girls think they have to dress sexy."

Jake looked up from his clipboard, "I know, that is the worst. Please make them stop." He said sarcastically. Amy ignored him, "I passed a slutty tree on the way here," Alyssa chuckled, "Who wants to have sex with a tree?"

"Was it a maple?" Scully asked, massaging his feet. "Was it a maple?" Jake echoed, pointing his pen at Amy, who walked off annoyedly.

Charles walked up looking hilarious in his chef's outfit and red ponytail wig. "Buongiorno, buongiorno," He announced, holding a wooden cooking spoon in his right hand, "Pretty cool 'stume, huh?" Charles grinned.

Alyssa snickered, "Stume sounds like an STD, Charles," Alyssa patted Charles' shoulder, "You are a great dumpy Chuck Norris," She guessed. He shook his head in confusion.

"Dumpy Ron Weasley?" Rosa added, handing Alyssa a cup of coffee while Charles whispered, "No!" Alyssa smiled, checking to make sure the coffee wasn't poisoned or anything. What a nice gesture, but from Rosa?

Terry stopped the detectives from continuing to belittle Charles. "He put thought into his costume, and he is obviously Miranda from Sex and the City," Terry told the detectives.

"Guys, I'm Mario Batali!" Charles cried. "'Molto Mario'? Celebrity chef? Ginger Prince of Little Italy?" He prodded the group's minds, bowing twice. Alyssa stifled a laugh.

Jake looked him up and down, "Is he also a homeless troll doll? 'Cause you look like a homeless troll doll," He said as Charles waved his hands in disappointment.

As a man walked by in cuffs, he told Charles, "Sweet Batali costume, dude," Charles turned around to face him thankfully. "Thank you! There's a man with impeccable taste!"

Alyssa checked the clipboard Jake was holding, "He bit a guy's ass off at a women's basketball game," She informed Charles, "But yeah, he's got great taste."

"Eric Stoltz from Mask," Jake added, and Charles sighed. "I'll take it," He mumbled.

The detectives soon got situated in the briefing room, Alyssa with her legs spread, Rosa with her feet propped up on the table, Charles keeping his wooden spoon handy.

"I hope you're all well-rested," Terry warned, his hands on the podium. "It's gonna be a busy night." Alyssa audibly groaned. "Detective Jackson," Terry added, giving her a warning look. She smiled sheepishly.

Jake added, "The holding cell's completely full. I keep having to separate Hillary Clinton and Kim Jong-Un." The detectives around him shuddered.

Holt read off of his clipboard formally, "We need two undercovers at the Dekalb Street warehouse party," Holt informed the group. "Boyle, since you're already in costume as, uh, Joy Behar?" The captain guessed.

"I'm Mario Batali," Charles defended himself shortly. Holt nodded, "And Santiago, you go with him." Jake and Alyssa grinned at each other once they saw Amy's pained face. "Yes sir," Amy sighed, before murmuring to herself, "Damn it."

Charles began explaining his plan to make Amy like Halloween when she asked, "Could you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?"

"Title of your sex tape," Alyssa and Jake chorused, high-fiving. "Sorry, Ames," Alyssa whispered to Amy comfortingly.

~~~

"Yeah you would," Charles replied to Jake boasting about how great of a criminal he could've been, "You'd be a criminal mastermind, and everyone would call you the Handsome Bandit," Charles cheered on his friend.