Badass, Babe, Bicon {Rosa Diaz}

THE PARTY

published: 6-24-2024

"Everyone, check your email!" Amy ordered the detectives, looking excited. "The greatest thing that could ever happen has just happened."

Alyssa guessed, "The creator of the Dewey Decimal System came back to life and wants to talk with you about books over a cup of coffee?"

Amy shook her head.

Jake also guessed, "The girl who beat you for high school valedictorian died?"

"No," Amy replied, reading off of her computer screen, "'Kevin Cozner requests your presence at Raymond's birthday party.'"

As Amy continued grinning, Jake asked, "Who's Kevin Cozner? Is he the star of Danzes with the Wolvez?" He joked.

Rosa stood next Alyssa, both holding their third cups of coffee, "He's Captain Holt's husband," Rosa answered.

"Captain Raymond Holt," Alyssa added for effect. "We're invited to Holt's birthday party."

Jake 'ohh'ed, "The captain's party and whatnot," He replied formally, leaning over his computer in interest.

Amy practically squealed with excitement, "I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him."

Alyssa grinned, "Maybe don't sound like a stalker in the process, but I like your admiration, Ames."

"I bet it's really fancy, like Beauty and the Beast fancy," Charles described seriously, Amy nodding in agreement.

Jake shook his head, "No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode."

 Gina and Alyssa both laughed until Holt announced, "Apparently, my husband Kevin has invited you all to my party. There is very little street parking, no gifts, no singing of 'Happy Birthday'. Should be fun." He said, in a tone sounding very much not fun.

"Sounds fantastic!" Amy chimed in supportively, Holt looking back awkwardly as he entered his office.

Jake looked disappointed, "Did you hear that? His husband invited us, not him. He so doesn't want us there."

Amy had a worried expression, "Yes, he does." She argued.

"Mm, it was kinda a last-minute invite," Gina interrupted, before smirking, "Just stirrin' the pot."

Charles raised his hands up, insulted, "Why wouldn't Holt want us there?"

Jake answered, "Because he thinks we'll embarrass him in front of his husband," He explained, "Which, frankly, is insulting!" He stood up, spilling his cereal.

"Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal."

 ~~~

Jake lugged a large box into the break room, slamming it onto the desk. "Bam!" He grunted, "Behold, my secret weapon for winning over Kevin. In this box is every grisly crime the Nine-Nine has worked in the past eight years-"

Alyssa interrupted him, "If you think that will impress Kevin, you're so wrong. Me and Gina have been stalking him on the internet, and he does not look like the type of person interested in quote unquote 'cop crap',"

"Quote from Gina Linetti, a few minutes ago," Gina added.

Jake waved a hand at them, continuing. "Whatever! Civilians love juicy cop stories."

The squad began digging into the box in search of cases to use. Jake announced, "I call that murder where they strung fishing wire through three guys."

"Hey, we solved that together!" Amy protested.