Badass, Babe, Bicon {Rosa Diaz}

CHOCOLATE MILK

published: 7-16-2024

Alyssa was looking through some evidence with Jake when they both overheard Terry solemnly on the phone with a doctor. Both detectives rolled over in their chair, looking concerned. "Hey, Sarge," Alyssa greeted awkwardly. "We couldn't help but overhear you're going to the doctor? You good?"

The sergeant looked around before leaning in closer. "I'm getting a vasectomy," He confided in the detectives.

Charles dropped his pen and turned around, singing, "My ears are burning! Did someone say 'vasectomy'? I got snipped, no big deal. Just numbs you out from trunk to skunk for a year."

"Trunk to skunk? A year?" Alyssa echoed, disgusted.

Gina approached the group, handing Alyssa some coffee. "Hold it up. You're gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there?" She asked incredulously. "You are blessed with a great power-" She pointed to Terry. "-And you should never snip its wings. You should let it soar."

Alyssa dragged Gina away before she could make the conversation more uncomfortable, if possible. "Thanks guys," Terry said sarcastically. "That's enough. I don't need any more input-"

"Neither does your wife, I guess," Rosa replied from behind Alyssa, who high-fived her naturally.

Terry sighed. "Look. If you guys don't start getting back to work, I'm gonna start firing detectives-" He snapped threatiningly.

"-And blanks!" Amy interrupted, and Alyssa grinned. "Sorry, I just never think of jokes."

The sergeant sighed. "Anybody else?" He offered. "This is your last chance."

"Ugh, God. No need to be so testes." Gina joked.

"Guess you won't be manning the 'tip line'." Rosa remarked.

"Sergeant, is this gonna go on your 'sperm-anent record'?" Charles asked seriously.

"I'll make a Penis-Off Party and cheer 'snip-snip hooray!'" Alyssa smirked.

"Now playing; Scrotal Recall." Jake announced.

~~~

Alyssa, Gina, Rosa, Charles, and Amy were all called into Holt's office. The captain was standing up, not a good sign.

"The new NYPD commissioner is planning a complete reorganization of the force. But first, he'll be sending a deputy chief to every precinct to conduct a top-to-bottom evaluation." Holt informed the group.

Amy looked frantic. "What? When? Are we gonna be graded or is this just some pass/fail garbage?"

"Scale of one to five,"

"That's how many letter grades there are. Feels like they're just being weird using numbers instead of letters."

"Yeah, they're being weird right now," Rosa remarked.

Holt ignored their remarks. "Boyle, Jackson, Diaz, I want the evidence room organized beyond reproach. Jackson, I need you to go with the Sergeant and Peralta to make sure Peralta doesn't mess anything up. Santiago, when I greet the deputy chief, I want you there by my side to make a good impression. No offense, but you are something of a teacher's pet."

"None taken! People love their pets."

~~~

Alyssa had her notepad flipped out and was interviewing the owner of DRK MLK, and also a person who was stabbed recently, along with Terry and Jake.

The man informed them, "Well, I was closing up around 11. I heard the door open. I just figured it was some 'milkers'. That's what we call our regulars. Anyway, next thing I know, the guy stabs me in the back like some kinda psycho wuss!"