Love Begins

41. Amy

The house was empty. I went to my room, lied down on the bed. My whole system was numb. How long did Adam has feelings for me? And I kissed him, making him believe that even I have feelings for me. I know I kissed him at that moment, cause I was touched that he was waiting for me. No has asked him to, but then also he waited for me. He warms my heart. Is that love?

Do I have feelings for him? I do enjoy his company. But, are these enough for cultivating feelings? I don't want to give him false hopes. I don't know what's is like to be in love? I can't trust any person in my life after what Anthony has done to me. I don't want to go through it again.

I don't want to be in any relation. I am afraid of having a relation. Commitments are scary. You can easily get manipulated in relation. I was foolish before to get manipulated. I know Adam is different from Anthony. I know they are two different people. Adam is nothing like Anthony. 

Should I give love a chance? Should I give myself a chance? Can love come my way? Can love begin for me? Can a new life begin for me? Will Adam being in my life bring love in my life? Will love begin in my life? Will Adam bring happiness or sadness to me?

A knock on the door, pulls me away from my thoughts. I realize it's evening. Adam must be back from the work. I don't have courage to face him. How will I react in front of him? What should I say to him?

"Amy. Are you sleeping?" Adam's voice comes from other side.

"No. I am awake." I say and open the door.

Adam has a frown, he look at me with concern. "Are you okay?"

"I am fine." I lied. I am not at all fine. My heart is pounding.

"That's good. I thought you were unwell?" He says with relief. "It's good you are fine."

"Why are you so nice to me? I don't deserve it." I talk loudly. 

Adam was stunned. Amy has never spoken to him loudly. "Are you really okay?"

"I just don't understand. Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask him again.

"You are my friend. That's why." He says casually and shrugs his shoulder.

"Am I just friend?" I ask.

He was taken a back by the question. He opens his mouth to speak, no words came out.  He close it. He was quite for few minutes. 

Suddenly, a growl is heard. The growl comes from my stomach. I am hungry. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed. I avert my gaze away from him.

"I should order some takeout." Adam says and pull his phone from his pant's pocket. "Chinese?" He walks to the living area. "What do you want to eat? Noodles? Dumplings?"

"Why Chinese? We can order something else? Japanese? Or your favorite Italian?" I ask him.

"You like Chinese. So." Adam says casually.

My eyes starts to tear. Why is he so kind? I don't deserve his kindness. 

"Order has been confirmed. It will arrive in 20 minutes max." He says and walk to his room. "I will go and get change." He goes inside his room. 

I feel heartbroken. I felt really bad. I can't take his kindness for granted. I can't use his feeling for cleaning my mess. I can't do this to him. I am not worth it. 

Our food arrives. We eat silently. After cleaning, we sat on the couch. Adam was busy in his phone. I was feeling restless. Should I ask him or not? I don't want to ruin beautiful friendship we both share. I am totally confused. Should I talk with him and make it clear? I don't want to hurt him or his feelings. I mean he has never forced his feeling upon me. If he has feelings for me, why is he not straightforward? He had lot of opportunities to confess. It's been 3 months, since I am sharing his house. He would have any chance to tell me. Why didn't he? Is he also afraid of ruining our friendship?

"Can I ask you something." I ask him. He nods his head, his focus on his phone. "It's kind of private and deep." He avert his attention from phone and look at me. 

"Is it serious?" He ask me. 

"No I guess. But it's private. I don't know whether you will say it or not." I sound confuse.

"Ask me. I will answer your any question." He confidently says.

I open my mouth to ask, but my voice got struck in my throat. The words not coming out. I rearrange the question many time in my mind. I take a deep breath. "What will you do for the girl you like? How will you show her your love?"