Leaf Me Alone // minsung

「⸙ ch.14 ⸙」

JISUNG

The clock on the wall must be playing with me. Time seemed to crawl by agonizingly slowly, but rush past at the same time. All day, my mood was swinging back and forth between being glad that I get to see Minho and potentially sort everything out again, and scaring myself absolutely shitless when I thought of how my words had hurt him. No matter how much I didn't mean them, I had still said them, and the consequences for those words would have to be reaped by someone.

My foot tapping on the floor, I swept my things into my bag as soon as the bell rang, and was the first out of the door. I pushed my way between students also coming out of class, meandering in the hallway, and rushed to the library.

As it was the start of lunch and exams weren't coming up any time soon, the library was virtually empty, save for the occasional person browsing for a book, doing homework or - only the especially crazy ones - getting ahead on exam revision with headphones on and head down. I picked a desk in the corner, hidden away and far enough from other people that we'd not get glared at when I delivered my frantically whispered apologies.

I sent Minho a message, telling him where I was sat. For now, I was alone, palms sweaty, leg bouncing, head full of the words I was going to say to Minho, to fix the... whatever it was between us.

When another person approached me, I almost jumped out of my skin. I could only manage a nervous half-smile as Minho dragged the chair out opposite me, throwing himself down in the chair with a sigh. It didn't exactly look like he wanted to be here, but then again, the words I had spat out at him weren't exactly easy ones to forgive.

He looked tired. Drained. His movements were slower, stiffer, less graceful and relaxed than before. The air of ease that surrounded him was gone, dimmed by the heavy weight of my poisonous words. His hoodie looked like he had sat in it for at least 3 days, and his face seemed to have become paler. He seemed to shrink in on himself, mouth set in a permenant line. His galaxy eyes no longer sparkled, but instead held a deep indifference to everything, masking the hurt and pain that I had brought upon him.

I opened my mouth, ready to give my reasons as to why I did such a horrible thing, ready to defend myself and lay out my case, but seeing him like this - and knowing that I was the one that caused him to become the... the shell of himself that Changbin said he was - I couldn't say anything.

Any words I had planned died in my throat when Minho looked at me with those tired eyes.

"I'm sorry, Minho."

My voice cracked.

"I'm sorry for... for saying those things to you. No matter what situation I was in, I had absolutely no right to yell at you. You did nothing wrong but be by my side, even when I said I didn't need you. You're not annoying, or loud, or fucked up, or rude, and only sometimes an asshole."

The corner of his mouth lifted a fraction, and I let out a half-giggle, sniffling before trying to pull myself back together.

"I'll always remember the day where we all had to stand up and introduce our partners. In case you couldn't tell from that experience, I'm not exactly great with crowds. I hate having everyone's eyes on me. But you stood right infront of me with your outstretched hand and your stupid grin and showed me that it wasn't too bad. You stood up and captured everyone's attention like it was nothing." Including mine.

"I promise, I swear that I never meant to say any of the horrible, fucked up things I did on that day. I know there isn't any excuse to be that much of an asshole, but the original anger wasn't directed at you. There was just a lot going on in my head and it took just one little spark to set the whole pile of shit ablaze, and I'm so so sorry that it ended up exploding in your face."