The sick alpha

22.Rain

Its been 2 weeks since his rut ends. But somehow the guiltiness is not leaving me.

The 1st 3 days where oky but then I start realizing that its me how start things first, its never him who tell me to fuck with him.

It was like, I feel like I am forcing my self into him.

Even tho he is in his rut, moaning, telling me to give him more, but still he is not in a right state.

Its like.I..I feel a disgusting person for taking advantage.

Advantage is a big word, but it feel like one.

I feel like, in this one week of his rut sometimes I do fuck him for my pleasure.

And thats the thing. It doent matter how many times he said he liked it. I need to accept he is in his rut.

I feel so ashamed that I fuck him. He is not mentally stable. He is a baby. I cant possibly do that.

I didnt understand this things when we are facking but once his rut ends this things crak me.

The thoughts overcome so much in my mind that it forced me to make a distance from him.

The sound of me moaning his name make me want to cut my throat.

I don't understand this much hate feeling through that sex.

I always want to fuck him. But when I did I am feeling this way.

I dont like the way I bounce,
I hate the way I moan,
Hate the way I smile.

And mostly I hate the way I love every part of that God for saken sex.

It feels so good in my body and my heart that my brain start hating it.

Is not the hate but the guilt.

Phayu,

I dont understand whats wrong with bubu. I tried to talk with him after that shy session but he...he never answer.

Somewhere in the heart I am feeling bad like what did I do.

Even now its dinner time but bubu is upstairs. He told me that my food was in my table.

NO! this time its a mission to make him eat with me.

Mission booboo.

I went upstairs with such a confidence about fighting with him.

But as soon as I open the door my confidence run away.

Bad confidence.

I open the door and find him sleeping on the bed.

I love that bed so I jump on that bed making bubu panic.

"Hey!hey, what!" He said in a panic tune from the sudden attack.

I was about to say something when he speaks up again.

"What are ypu doing here?" He said.

Umm, sad.

His comment make me sad but he is more important.

"See bub I know you told me, but come na, I want to eat with you" when I say this I expect anger or annoyance but to my surprise he take me hand and take me down stairs.

We eat together in a complete silence.

After eating we went upstairs.

Rain,

Even tho I am not liking the fact about liking him, but I cant just upset him like this. He has some high expectations with that request.

After eating we went upstairs. I make him sleep on the bed and sleep beside him.