Malfoy | Draco Malfoy [Book1](Unedited!)

79

To distract myself from my stupid thoughts I decided to bake. And in this moment, as I watched the first batch of cookies bake to perfection, I almost forgot about my chaotic thoughts.

I look at the cookies in the oven, remembering the time I made them when Nicolas was here, the first time I healed him.

'well it's not as pathetic as you'

'I'm just telling the truth. You little baker'

But as the memories of my time with him swirled through my mind, it all came back to me.

Nicolas isn't Draco.

No matter what my heart whispered to me. It didn't matter if he had some small piece of Draco in him. He wasn't Draco. He never would be. And to think of him as such was not only dangerous — but it was also cruel, unfair to the both of us.

I felt like I was stuck in a cycle of guilt and shame every time I thought of him. My heart longed for comfort, for familiarity, but my mind told me that I could not let it go any further than this.

I'm supposed to think of Draco. I'm supposed to hate Nicolas.

It was a battle between my heart and my head, a war that threatened to tear me apart. But as I watched the cookies rise in the oven, I made a promise to myself.

Just for tonight, I would allow myself to fantasize, to pretend. Just for tonight, I would let my heart feel what it desired.

As the cookies finished baking, I gingerly took them out of the oven, the warm scent of sugar and dough filling the room. I looked at them, perfect and golden. And for a moment, just a moment, I allowed myself to imagine that the one person I wanted desperately to come back was here with me, holding me close, his arms around my waist, his chin rested on my shoulder, watching me as I bake.

I imagined...it was Draco.

And the pain of missing him stabbed deep in my heart, so sharp I couldn't breathe.

But then, before I could crumble, I took a deep breath, and reminded myself, if everything that had happened.

Slowly, I set the cookies aside to cool, trying hard to push the images of him out of my mind.

It's just one night of being weak, I thought.

Tomorrow, I'll put a stop to this dangerous game. I'll put my mind straight, and focus on what's important. No more silly, dangerous fantasies.

I ate few of the cookies and after that, I climbed into bed, feeling both emotionally and mentally exhausted. The weight of the conflict within me was almost too much to bear.

I couldn't sleep without the fear of me falling back into the void, and I couldn't stay awake in the fear of having these thoughts.

It started raining outside, and the idea of sleeping terrified me, falling back into the black abyss, alone was enough for me to keep my eyes wide open.

For a moment I wished Nicolas would come tonight just like yesterday and that day, and I would be able to fall asleep not fall back into the void.

He's the cure, the cure, my mind whispered to me, reminding me how I slept peacefully last night when he was here.

It wasn't healthy. It wasn't fair to me. And it certainly wasn't fair to Draco.

And yet, as I lay there, listening to the rain, a part of me wondered.

If I were to seek comfort in him, even for one more night, would it really be that bad?

I knew I should hate him. He was a Malfoy after all. The brother of my ex boyfriend, he was an emotionless prick.