A bit ago I finished a song I was working on. It was all about Mia and the color blue. It started because her favorite color is blue and I noticed that she wears fully blue outfits a lot, but also because she's increasingly getting more sad. I wrote the first verse about her getting more sad but me still loving her and wanting to be there for her and support her.
So lovey why are you blue, darling?
Why must you cry the rivers and paint the sky?
Even if you are this blue, baby
I still want to be your favorite guy
You fill the world with tears
You're trapped in all you're fears
You're heartbeats in your ears
And it never disappears
You're craving something new
And baby I am craving you
So Lovey why are so blue?
Then, she hurt herself for the first time. You can see I'm alluding to her need for self harm but that during this portion I'm still very optimistic.
You come to school in blue jeans and blue blouses
You love the sky, the water and other people's houses
Your pens bleed blue
Do you bleed that color hue?
Blue around your wrists I hope the blades aren't there too
You keep writin about your head cause it echoes like a cave
Cave's also a verb and you're trying to escape
'I know what you're going through'
But every experience is new
Lovey, why are you so blue?
This portion is after she continued to hurt herself. You can see that I'm showing my confusion as to why she keeps doing it and not getting better. Also, the fact that she seems like a different person when she's not around me.
Lovey, why are you so blue?
Why don't you reach for help before it's too late?
I still think I'm meant for you, darlin
Even if I don't believe in fate
You fill my life with song
I urge you to sing along
I'm dancing everyday
Don't want the rain to go away
We're both happy arm in arm
But you get home and then self harm
You giggle and you smile
But it only lasts a while
Princesa por qué estás tan azul?
This is where I start to doubt if she wants to get better.
Am I not enough for you, darlin?
Shouldn't just my love alone be enough
To lift you up and help you through baby
When the world is against you and the goin gets tough
I'll bandage all your scars
Write your name in the stars
Bad coping mechanisms
Love's the best and it is ours
I know being numb is new
But I'm tryin to help you through
Why am I not enough for you?
It seems like you hate being numb more than you love me.
That last line is the reason why I didn't share the song before. It felt like I was making all of her SH experience about me. The entire reason I wrote the last verse was just because I firmly believe that you choose to better yourself as a person because of the person you love. That's why I was trying to get better in the first place-for Mia. It kind of just felt like me relentlessly trying to help her and support her-even before she got sad again-wasn't enough, but I didn't share the song because I didn't want to make her struggles all about me.
I was thinking of making another verse, but I don't know.
Be my love and stay with me, darlin
No matter how bad we both get
Snatch the bottle from my hands, baby
Remind me of our love so I don't forget
In endless nights of pain
I'm sure I am insane
Put a bullet in my brain
And I'll say thank you Mia Jane
Touch me soft and kiss me hard
Make sure all my scars are starred
I'll protect you like a guard
I've always loved that sad graveyard...
I'm obsessed with being free
And my parents would agree
My love is a guarantee
But still you're crying me a sea
Love, you were always enough for me
