My dad and Rita got me very upset today. It was partially my fault, but also I don't regret anything. Yes, for once, I agree with them; I was talking back and using "teenage sass," but they deserved it. I'm not going to let them talk to me like that. When I talk to them, I don't yell, I don't swear, I don't lie, I don't call them names. Is it some much to ask to be treated as an equal?
I told them that they have to specify when they talk to me and that yelling gets them nowhere. Rita called me a brat and I said that I don't appreciate name calling and that I'd rather not use that language.
She got all pissy that I wanted her to have a civilized conversation with me. Inconceivable, I know. I can't call her a dumb brat?-she did that-that's horrible!
Later, I was thinking to myself. I was planning out the logistics of my suicide/running away. (I was also debating between the two) I was also wondering what Rissa would do if I told her that I've (1) Planned to kill myself (2) Tried to kill my self (3) Planned to kill my dad (4) planned to run away.
I just finished reading a book about three kids in a mental institute. At this point, a mental institute doesn't seem that bad. I was questioning if I should tell anybody that I'm suicidal and schizophrenic.
This took me four days to write because my mind has been so scattered recently.
Since that day I've just been having bad hallucinations and arguments with my dad and Rita. Also, I'm pretty sure bipolar disorder runs in the family. I think my dad and grandma have passed it to me-maybe my great grandma had it before she died. It's a very high probability felt the stories I've heard.
I'll get back to planning my suicide/run away plan later maybe. For now, I'm content enough where I am.
I miss my wife.
I'm tired.
I want to go home.
