Emily/Bau Team

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Title: But You Won't Get Time - Anonymous (Ao3)

Summary: It's been the same every night for weeks: the same nightmare wakes her up and makes her sick. Emily wished she knew why this memory was resurfacing now. She thought she was over it, but remembering it every night was opening old wounds.

or, Emily's resurfacing trauma fuels her eating disorder.

Rating: Mature 

Trigger Warning: Childhood SA, Eating Disorders, Suicidal Thoughts and Ideations 

A/N ~ Full discloser, this is depressing even for me, so if you've ever experieced any of the above mentioned triggers, please think carefully about reading this chapter. Your metal health is more important than you reading this chatper. Stay safe and happy reading loves <3

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Emily bolted upright, tears running down her cheeks. Her throat was raw from screaming.

She rushed to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before she was sick. It's been the same every night for weeks: the same nightmare wakes her up and makes her sick. Emily wished she knew why this memory was resurfacing now. She thought she was over it, but remembering it every night was opening old wounds.

She leaned on the sink, staring at her face in the mirror. She hated seeing the features he gave her. She hoped his looks were the only thing she'd inherited from him.

Emily lifted up her shirt and stared at herself in the mirror, running her fingers along her protruding bones. You can do more. She was already thin — she knew that — but not thin enough. Nothing she said or did was enough.

II.

Emily smoothed out her clothes, smiling softly. She'd gone shopping the day before since none of her clothes fit anymore. It was satisfying to know her body was actually changing. That she was in control of something.

Her memories overtook her as she thought of all the things she had no choice in, all the things that were taken from her and done to her against her will. Her life was filled with things she had no say in. But she had a say in this. What happens to her body, what she does with her life... These were things she controlled.

Emily shook her head, trying to shake away the memories. She finished getting ready and grabbed her keys and an energy drink, wiping the stray tears from her face.

III.

Emily walked into the office with a spring in her step. She'd hit a new goal weight and she felt untouchable.

She walked over to the coffee machine, filling her mug up to the brim as Luke walked up to her. "Hey, Prentiss." Emily looked up and smiled. "Alvez," she greeted, closing the lid on her cup and turning to walk to her desk. "Emily," he called from behind her.

When she turned around, she could see an unmistakable look of concern. "Are you okay?" Emily smiled, feigning surprise. "Why wouldn't I be?" She said, smiling softly at him before heading to her office.

It was a paperwork day and Emily tried her best to focus. Her mind was flashing with memories from her childhood, the same ones that had been haunting her dreams for weeks. She suddenly wished she was working a case, doing something that would distract her. She drank her coffee, draining half the cup in one go.

When the work day was finally over, Emily made a break for it, nearly running straight into JJ. "Shit, sorry JJ," Emily mumbled, shuffling past her and making a beeline for the stairs. JJ just watched, words escaping her.

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