The Girl Who Found The Darkness

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

   One week later, it is Easter. A time of celebration. A time of rejoicing Jesus's resurrection. Easter is the one day you can live care free.

   Easter 2014 is the day my life started falling apart.

   I wake up with a bad pain in my stomach. I feel worse than I usually do, which is saying something, since I'm depressed. I sit up in my bed and dangle my feet off of the edge. I sit there for a few minutes, contemplating my choices. And then I decide. Today is the day I do the universe a favor and stop living.

   I get up and put on the dress I was wearing at my funeral. Who knew I would be needing it again so fast?

   I take out the note I wrote when I first got here late one night. I always have a note of some sort, so even if I don't die from suicide, but from something else, at least they'll have a note explaining my feelings. But, on the back, I write a note to Chloe in Gallifreyan about Ben. I'm not leaving Ben without some help. And yes, Chloe and I know Gallifreyan. We learned it the summer after 9th grade since we had nothing better to do. This way, David won't know about Ben. I can't imagine what would happen if they met.

   I lay the note in the middle of my bed, so it's easy to see. I grab a razor from my drawer and go into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I lock the door so no one can interrupt me and begin.

   I start to cut my left wrist, right on the vein. I slowly make more cuts further down my arm as blood oozes out of my arm. As I'm cutting, I faintly hear someone pounding on the door, but I don't care. I need to finish this. I make cut after cut after cut until my whole arm is covered in red. I switch the blade to my shaking left hand to cut on my right arm. Just as I'm about to start cutting my right arm, the door flings open to reveal a very angry David.

   "Juliette, what the Hell are you doing?!" David screams and I drop the blade. David grabs my left arm, making me wince, and examines it.

   "We need to wrap this up right away." David declares worriedly. He grabs my wrist, making me wince once more, and drags me out of my room and down the stairs. Once we're at the bottom of the stairs, David stops and runs his hand through his hair. I try to run away, but David grabs my wrist again.

   "I don't understand." David says.

   "Why would you ever harm your beautiful skin?" I jerk my wrist out of David's grasp, ignoring the sting, and turn around to face him.

   "BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF!" I scream.

   "I don't deserve to live! I'm a disgrace! I'm not pretty like Marsa or smart like Chloe. I'm fat and dumb and ugly. I just end up hurting everyone I love. No one cares about me. I'm a horrible person. I couldn't save Ethan from being killed, I couldn't save Chloe from being raped and tortured, I couldn't even save Laura being kidnapped! I'm useless! I can't even feel anymore! I hurt myself for being so stupid and numb. I deserve to die! If you really loved me you would just LET ME DIE!" By now, tears are rushing down my face.

   "Juliette?" I hear a small voice say behind me. I whip around and see Chloe, horrified.

   "Juliette, you really believe all of that stuff?" I start to shake. No. It can't end like this. All these years, I've covered up my scars, hiding my tears with a smile, and it was all for nothing. My biggest secret is finally out.

   "Chloe, I-" I start, but I get dizzy. My vision gets blurry, and there's a ringing in my ears. I try to walk, but stumble and fall to the ground. I close my eyes to try to block out the world, but I still hear blips of sound.

   "Juliette? Juliette!" I hear someone calling my name, but they sound far away.

   "Juliette, stay with me." It's Chloe.