A Hero in the Dark: 2nd Edition

Chapter 73: Lover Boy

I still can't believe he did it. Carsonick—What reason is there for what he did? He taught me to fly a Skimmer—partially anyway. I thought that would be an asset, if anything, but when Beloved Leader puts a hand on my shoulder, I know it isn't. "What is troubling you this time?"

"I... Why?" is all I can get out at first. "Why kill him?"

"He was not supposed to give you instruction on how to fly a Skimmer," Setrákus explains for the half a dozenth time. "He went behind my back; betrayed me, and he betrayed you."

"Me? But how?!" He offered to teach me! All because I said I was bored.

"Are you questioning me?" he asks, taking his hand away.

"What? No. No, I'd never, but I... What harm is there in learning a new skill?"

He turns his back, talks to the room, "The harm is that should something have happened, you would have been helpless flying the vessel, and heaven forbid, if something happened to you—say, the vessel fell out of the sky—I would have no associate, and our chances of fulfilling Mogadorian Progress to satisfaction would decrease exponentially." He pauses, watching me. "My men must know their place, Emily. We mustn't let them do what they want, even if it is good."

"So, what?" I murmur, half meek but all disappointed. "I can't have any Mogadorian friends?"

"Do not get carried away," he says, brushing this off. "Of course you may, responsibly."

"'Responsibly,'" I echo, rather sarcastically whilst rolling my eyes. "Whatever that means."

"You must still keep the Mogadorians at a distance if you are to one day lead them," he explains. "They are not friends; but allies, and you must treat them as such."

"So, I can't just talk to them about whatever's on my mind?"

"It depends on what is on your mind," he says, and at that, I can't help but think of John for some reason. "Is there something on your mind?"

I shake my head. I won't get into that with him again; last time we talked about John and the Loric, he was pissed off to the max. "Will you at least teach me to fly a Skimmer?" I ask in the hopes of changing the subject. "Properly and officially, I mean?"

He leans back in his seat. "No."

This is ridiculous. "Why not?!" But he glares at me sternly, making it obvious that he already covered this and isn't going to repeat himself. "I mean, all due respect and all that," I go on, waving a hand through the air. "I know it's a safety thing, but don't you think I'm better off knowing how to fly if something does happen? Isn't that one of your rules: Be prepared for anything, or as I like to call it: Expect the unexpected—"

He stands then from the WV Training Hall workbench, and immediately, I know he isn't happy. It's as if a wave of heat radiates from him. "My answer is final, Emily," he spits. "And might I add, I am not fond of this new attitude of yours. You are my associate, yes, but you do not speak to me this way. Is that understood?"

"I—Yes," I murmur. "I—I'm sorry, Beloved Leader..."

"Good. Do not let it happen again." I nod. But in truth, I don't know what to tell him. I just thought, well, I don't know what I thought. Since North Carolina, he seemed different somehow; albeit he was upset, he also seemed... proud? Satisfied? Like he took a deeper admiration for me. I knew how much I meant for him—and for Mogadorian Progress—the second he reached out for my neck to pull me out of the sniper's line of fire. He saved me, and I knew exactly where I stood with him, and I know I can't compare him to John, but with John, it's so uncertain. I don't know if he still feels the same about me, despite him claiming he does in DC. I know I do, but... "Emily," Setrákus calls, resting a hand on mine. "What are you thinking?"

I snap out of my funk, and though I do consider telling him the truth, ultimately, I know it isn't a good idea. I shake my head. "Is it him again?" My gaze shoots up at him. "John Smith?"

"How did you—?"

"I know when emotion clouds judgement, my dear," he says, smiling softly, which surprises me. "I advise you to be careful with these feelings."

I'm surprised by the lack of authority in his voice, especially since he had recently just lost his temper. "What? You're not mad?"

"No," he admits, though I think he wants to say otherwise. "I understand." I wait for him to say more, unsure if I should believe that or not. Surely, he can't comprehend how I really feel about alien boy. "It's natural to fall in love at your age," he says, brushing loose hair behind my ear; it's an odd sensation. It tickles. "There was a time where I was the same."

Oh. I think I remember that. "Celwe?" I ask.

He nods. "She did not agree with my ways either, but we loved each other."

I'm not sure what to say to that, so a long moment passes in silence. It's awkward fast and I shift my weight from one leg to the other. "I like John," I admit, slowly, carefully, more nervous than I thought I'd be that I'm poking too far. "I just don't know if he likes me anymore... I don't want him to see me as some sort of traitor or anything..."

"Of course not," he notes, absentmindedly. "But keep in mind that he may not ever see as you do." What? "He is different than you, dear," he goes on. "He is vengeful, and he has a right to be. But it clouds his judgement. I know you want a future with this boy, but you mustn't let your emotions for him prevent you from seeing clearly, from doing what needs to be done."

I swallow. "He means a lot to me though. I don't think I could ever forget about him, or... are you saying..." I can't finish it. Even the thought of killing John... I can't do it.

"I can see that," Setrákus notes. "But remember: He's willing to take everything from you."

"Everything? Like what?" John wouldn't do that, surely.

"Your future," he responds. "Your source of enlightenment. Guidance. Security. Us." I'm not sure what it is, but for some reason, that scares me the most. No, he wouldn't. He wouldn't dare tear me and Beloved Leader apart, would he? Put an end to everything we stand for...?

I shake my head. "Do you—" I swallow. I'm not sure I want to hear the answer to this. "Do you think he still loves me like I love him?"

"That," he says, "is not the question you should be asking, Emily."

"Then what should I be asking?"

"It's not 'does he love you' that's the concern. It's 'should you love him.'"

What? "You think I shouldn't?"

He pats me on the shoulder, smiles even. "I only wish the best for you, dear. You needn't heed this advice, but I suggest you consider it." I don't move. "It will make everything easier."

I shut my eyes and hold my breath. I know what he needs me to say. I know how important this is to him. I don't want to betray John and I don't want him to betray me, but if this is how it needs to be... "I'll try, Beloved Leader," I say. "I promise—and I never break a promise—that I'd make you proud. No matter what I feel for John."

"Good." He smiles. "Come now. Let's spar a while before dinner."