A Hero in the Dark: 2nd Edition

Chapter 125: An Exceptionally Gifted Human

"Well, no change is good news in my eyes," Malcolm says, unplugging the stethoscope from his ears and resting them on the desk. "You're still perfectly healthy."

"But—what about the voices?" I ask. "Will it ever go away?"

"Perhaps after enough rest," he says, which leaves me silent and stunned. Enough rest? That's it? "It's possible your body is still under a lot of stress, so hearing things is normal."

My alien boy sighs and slips his hand out of mine, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Seriously?" he asks. "This isn't a joke, Malcolm. I mean, I'm no scientist or anything, but isn't this too extreme to just be resolved over extra sleep? What more does she have to do?"

"Like I've told you before, John," Malcolm starts in answer. "I don't entirely know the cause for these voices she claims to be hearing. I'm still investigating, but I'll let you know if I find anything. For now, yes, extra sleep seems to be exactly what she needs. Right, Emily?"

"Right," I utter, grasping my alien boy's hand as if it'll keep him from having a meltdown. I really don't want him to worry about me, and certainly not to the point of working Malcolm over too. Besides, I could use a little extra sleep; I'm sure.

"I promise; the best thing you can do for her is to give her a little space, John," he goes on, smiling slightly at me, if I'm not mistaken. "Really. Try not to worry."

I bet it doesn't help constantly being told to relax, but I can't disagree with Malcolm. John has been super pushy lately—ever since I told him I was pregnant, really. I wish he wasn't, but I understand his concern; I really do. I'm as worried about all this as he is, but it doesn't help putting it onto each other. But how then do we go about easing up in spite of everything?

How do I ignore the impossibly overbearing fact that in twenty-eight odd weeks, I'll need to deliver my first real baby? It's a possibility I never thought I'd have to imagine in years, but now that I need to and every time I try to imagine that day, it feels like a completely different reality.

No wonder I can't sleep. "Have you been taking the medication I prescribed, Emily?"

I nod. But when bae turns and looks at me, I correct myself. "Well, not usually."

Malcolm writes it down on his legal pad. "Not usually? What does that mean exactly? Are you taking it at all or only some days...?"

"I started taking it," I admit, "but it wasn't helping, so I stopped."

"How wasn't it helping?"

"Well, in everything," I try to explain, shoving my hands under my thighs.

"You told me you weren't having any negative thoughts though," John jumps in, and I instantly want to smack myself for hiding it from him. "But you are? Why didn't you say anything?"

"No, well, it helped a little for that," I tell him. "It just... It didn't make them go away altogether, and I don't want to take something if it's not, like, a one-time fix."

"Emily, I told you before," Malcolm states, "not many medications are one-time fixes."

"Then what's the point?" I ask, trying my hardest to stay tame, but with every minute that passes, it's harder and harder to keep myself that way. "I just want to be over and done with this thing!"

"Emily..." John tries, moving oh so subtly closer but I force myself away.

"No, John. For the last time, no. I told you; I don't know if I want it. I don't want to think about that—or her—period!" My eyes grow hot and heavy, and I know I'm close to crying, and while I try not to, part of me doesn't even care if I do in front of either of them. "I'm tired of it," I mutter, sounding more resigned than I try to be. "I'm tired of everything; worrying about her, wondering where we'll be that day or what her future might look like or if she'll even have one. I don't want to look that far ahead, but it feels like I have to, and it hurts. You don't know how much it hurts to know how responsible I am for this thing, whether I decide to keep her or not and what to do with her after. I can't take it anymore! I just want everything to go back to the way things were, like they were so many months ago. I don't need any of this!"