UNDERSTAND
“HINAHANAP KA NI CYRUS SA LABAS.” my seatmate told me.
Nanginig ang buong sistema ko nang marinig ang pangalan niya. What would I say if he asks me why didn’t I answer his call last night? I donʼt even have an enough reason to tell.
Hindi ako makakaiwas sa kaniya ngayon. Wait, have I been avoiding him these days? Akala ko, iniintindi ko lang na marami siyang pinagkakaabalahan. So I’ve been avoiding him.
Bakit niya ako hahanapin? Bakit siya nandito? Hindi ba dapat ay nasa practice na siya ngayon? Malapit na ang event at kailangan maging maayos ang performance nila. Makakaabala lamang ako sa oras nilang dalawa. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want him to hate me. I would look childish for seeking attention from him when he has something more important to do.
“Yes, but Iʼll still have time for you.”
His voice played inside my head. Still have time for me? Asan na ngayon ang time na sinasabi niya? I became frustrated thinking how everything he told me doesn’t match his actions. Is that a reason for me to fall for him? Or a reason for me to only fall in abyss?
Why can’t I hate him for this long?
Oh yeah, everything he does falls into a good reasoning. Every reason he tells me, it sounds so right that it felt so wrong. It feels so wrong that what I can only do is to understand everything because every one of his reasons are valid even if itʼs against to my liking.
Since the class had already ended, halos iilan na lamang ang kasama ko rito sa loob ng aming classroom. I donʼt want them to pin their attention towards us. They would only make a fuss about us. Magugulat na lang ako kinaumagahan, kami na ni Cyrus. I donʼt even like him that much to assume that highly.
Lumabas ako matapos kong ligpitin ang mga gamit ko.
Itʼs now or never, Haze.
“Haze...!”
Isang metro ang layo ko sa pintuan pero heto si Cyrus na naramdaman na agad ang presensya ko.
“Iʼve been texting and calling you. You werenʼt answering. Inisip ko na lang na baka busy ka.” aniya. Hinarap ko siya matapos kong isara ng maiigi ang pinto. Ayaw kong may makarinig sa amin. They might catch up with a wrong idea.
“Yes, I was busy.” malamig kong tugon. I hate it that Iʼm being so distant over him. I wasnʼt used to feeling so far away from him. It was for the best. “I still have a lot to finish at home. Mauuna na ako.”
I was about to walk past him, but he grabbed my hand. “Letʼs talk first.” he insisted.
Hinarap ko siyang muli. “I said I still have a lot to finish at home.” binigkas kong madiin ang bawat salita para ipaintindi sa kaniya na hindi ito ang tamang oras para mag-usap.
“Iʼll drive you home.”
“No.”
“Youʼre mad at me.”
“Iʼm not mad at you, Cyrus.”
“Itʼs not a question.” madiin niyang sabi. I donʼt know what to say next. If I would to say something towards that, it wonʼt lead us to anywhere.
