TOLERATE
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, NATHAN?” napakurap-kurap ako. Siya ba talaga ang nasa tabi ko ngayon?
Of all the people, why is it Nathan here with me and not Cyrus?
Hinarap niya ang upuan niya sa akin. “Ako ang nagdala sa ʼyo rito.” mahinahon niyang sagot.
I scorned, “Bakit mo naman ako dadalhin dito?”
“May lagnat ka sabi ng nurse.” aniya. Really? He has the guts to tell me whatʼs already obvious?
Nagsalubong ang kilay ko. Something is suspicious about him. Whether heʼs suspicious or not, Iʼd still rather not trust him anyway. “Explain how I didnʼt know that you brought me here.” I said, throwing a sharp glare.
“Nawalan ka ng malay habang nasa classroom ka.” tugon niya. I was about to ask what he was doing there but he read my mind. “And if youʼre wondering why I was at your classroom, nandoʼn ako para puntahan ka at para humingi ng tawad.”
By that words stupidly coming from his mouth, I fell into a deep conclusion. “Again?” It slipped through my tongue.
“Yes.” he fixed the collar of his polo uniform. “I will ask for your forgiveness even if you still hated seeing my face. Iʼd only stop after you forgive me.” he added and that only left me in confusion.
I canʼt stand another day getting my thoughts tangled up inside my brain because of what this jerk was throwing at me.
“For goodnessʼ sake, we are in a clinic.” hinilot ko ang sintido ko at nasapo ko ang noo ko. “Donʼt test my patience here, Nate.”
“Iʼll drive you home.” he volunteers. “Para makapagpahinga ka nang maayos.”
He tends to look at me with a soft gaze. What do you think youʼre doing? You dare to care for me now? You couldʼve done it when weʼre still dating.
“Miss Denver, itʼs advisable that you rest at home. I already checked your schedule and you have no classes since 2pm.” the nurse said. Kakabalik niya lang. It wouldnʼt be best for me to commute at the moment. What do I do...? I canʼt even walk properly, nor could I have the strength to stand.
I curse the world for bringing up my vulnerable state and for Nate seeing me like this. Also, curse the fate, for being with the person I would kill just for me to not cross paths with him again.
I should call Cyrus but first, where is my bag? I frantically eyed every table and every corner of this room to search for anything that I own. Pero sumuko na lamang ako nang wala akong nakita. Baka nasa classroom pa.
“Kung hinahanap mo ʼyung gamit mo, nandoon na sa sasakyan ko.” he said.
I turned towards him, fuming. “You have the rights to involve yourself with my stuff?”
He ignored me and brought up his very gentleman act again. “Ihahatid kita sa inyo.”
“Give me my phone.” I ordered.
He crossed his arms and put up that smug look on his face and spoke, “Youʼre not calling your sister, arenʼt you?”
Jerk. He knows that me and Frankie werenʼt in good terms so I wouldnʼt wanna call her on this kind of situation. And now, heʼs using it against me.
“Iʼll call my friend to pick me up.” sabi ko.
But I donʼt wanna disturb him. Heʼs probably busy at the moment.
“Cyrus is busy.” Nathan assumed. Ibang klase nga naman ʼtong lalaki na ʼto. Where did he got the audacity to assume that I was thinking of Cyrus? Itʼs not like he was wrong, but he dares to click first?
“Heʼs dancing with someone else.” he added.
Umiwas ako ng tingin. “Wala akong sinabing si Cyrus ang tatawagan ko.”
“Seems like it.” Without looking at his smug face, I could sense the mockery behind that such caring gentleman act. “Just accept my offer to take you home.”
Do I have a choice? He has my things and heʼs using it against me so I couldnʼt refuse to him. Good job for manipulating me, jerk.
...
“SORRY.”
Nakapuwesto ako sa passenger seat. Ayaw ko siyang katabi. I donʼt want to be anywhere near him.
I donʼt hate that word even if it does nothing for a certain situation. Itʼs not the word ‘sorryʼ that I hate, itʼs the person. “Mauubos lang ang laway mo kakahingi ng tawad. Youʼll never make me forgive you.”
Even if he really mean it, it wouldnʼt change the fact the we are already over. Our relationship has been ended already. What is the point of apologizing and be forgiven? His role in my life has ended. I donʼt need him. I donʼt want him.
“Yeah, but I wonʼt stop.” he insisted.
Nakakawalang gana makipag-usap. Mas sumasakit lamang ang ulo ko.
“You always say sorry when somethingʼs wrong but you werenʼt even interested enough to make it up to me.” I commented.
“This time, I would. I would make it up to you.”
I gave my self a moment to let everything sink in. I gave my self a moment to breathe. Just dealing with this emotional trauma makes it easy to unlock the vulnerability of my body and soul.
This is pathetic. He wouldnʼt listen to as I say. “Why are you doing this?” I asked.
A moment of silence and heavy breathing coming from him.
The stoplight turned red, so he took the opportunity to finally answer my question. “I want you to forgive me.” His eyes darted at the road as if he got lost deep inside his thoughts. “I donʼt want to be awkward with you, I want us to be friends again. I want us to be in good terms. I donʼt want you mad at me.”
“If you didnʼt want me holding my anger against you then you couldʼve been a better man.” I responded.
“I would be. Starting now.”
Nakakapagod. Nakakabaliw. Heʼs always like this and I hate it.
Umandar na ulit ang sasakyan at natahimik na naman ako. At this point sumusuko na ako na kwestyunin at makinig sa mga sinasabi niya na gusto niyang gawin. Kung talagang ginusto niyang magbago, sana noon pa niya ʼyon ginawa.
“Why are you doing this, Nate?”
“Why not?” mabilis niyang tugon.
“We canʼt be friends again.”
“Because weʼre exes?”
“Thatʼs not the only reason.” umiling ako. “We can be nice with each other as strangers. Treat each other with just human decency. I am holding grudge against you, Nate. I canʼt be friends with someone who only caused me so much pain. I wonʼt tolerate you again.”
“You loved me right?”
“Yeah...” malalim akong napabuntong hininga. “And it was the biggest regret of my life.”
“You were... You were everything to me.”
“Iʼm sorry if I donʼt believe you.” I smiled, apologetically.
“Give me a chance to prove it.” he begged. “Please, just one more chance.”
“You can prove yourself without asking a chance from me. I want to see what youʼre really saying. I wanna understand what youʼve been feeling.” I said, trying my best to be optimistic. “But that doesnʼt mean that Iʼd be friends with you again. The only thing I could do for you is to forgive you. Keep your words, Nathan.”
