Just Friends?(BWWM)

I'll Dream Of You

The picture above is Nadia

Chapter 21: I'll Dream Of You

(Caspian's POV)

I walked off of the stage smiling for the camera's, but in the inside I was dying. It's been almost a month since I left California and it has been exactly 1 month, 4 weeks and 4 days since I've heard Riley's voice. I thought about writing to her, send her an anonymous letter but I haven't. I told her I released her and I have to follow that promise no matter how much it hurts. My mother has tried her hardest to push Jaceyln and I together, I can say the animosity is gone. We can actually have a conversation but our talks are surrounded by the baby.

Nadia walked over to the backstage and walked to me and said "You are stupid." I rolled my eyes and groaned "What Nadia" She put her hand on her thin hips and said no yelled "Why did you downgrade Riley? You made it seem like you don't give two craps about her and like Jaceyln is your world! We all know you don't feel that way about her, your only with her because of the baby and I overheard everything you told dad about Riley." I sighed and sunk in my chair and said "What was I suppose to do Nadie." She groaned in frustration and said "You should have used that interview as a way to show Riley you still care." I laughed and said "Confess my feelings for a woman other than my baby mama on national television?" She gently slapped me and said "Ugh your so stupid! A simple I MISS YOU would have told her something! Riley isn't dumb you doing what you did probably told her, I am happy without you and not really sorry I choose Jaceyln over you." She threw her hands up in the air and I said "I told her I released her, I want her to be happy Nadia and she can't have that if she's still in love with me. So I would rather suffer and know there wont be a day that goes by where I don't miss her but she's happy with someone else, then watch her miss out on happiness because of me.

Nadia slumped her shoulders and said "I am so sorry Caspian, I am sorry that you can't be with the one you love. I know the feeling." I hugged her and said "It's hard but her happiness means everything to me." Nadia looked up at me and asked "Is it true? Is what did told you true? Do you dream of Riley at night, does she keep you up?" A tear dropped from my eye and I said "There hasn't been a day since I've been here that I've actually had peace. Every night it's the same, I walk up calling her name. I get out of bed and go to the balcony and I grab a beer or wine and I drink until I pass out and even then I dream of her." Nadia wiped the tear away and said "No one should live like that Caspian." I smiled at her and said "I know but it's my only option."

We walked out of the studio and Jaceyln and Nadia went shopping while I went home. I got inside the house and laid down on the couch with a beer in my hand. My pops came in the room and said with his heavy accent "Son I fear for your liver." I laughed and said "As I do for yours." He smiled and said "Touche." He sat down next to me and continued "I have heard you call that girls name at night since the day you got here." I took a drink of the beer and said "I can't control it pops." He looked concerned and said "You know our company launches as you it's new owner in less than two months." I sighed and said "I know pop's I will get myself together before then." He hugged me and said "I hope so."

He walked upstairs into his room and I walked into mine, I fell into the bed and let out a deep sigh. I thought to myself, why did I do that. Why did I do that to Riley on national tv. I need to fix it, I need to fix this. I jumped from the bed and grabbed a pin and paper. I wrote a letter to Riley...

Dear Riley,

I know we were supposed to cut all communication with each other but I have to explain. I know you probably watched the interview I did, and I know in it I made it seem like I didn't care much for you but thats not the truth. I figured you wouldn't want me to say my real feelings, because I didn't want it to make it harder for you to move on. So I lied, but you need to know that the girl I talked about in the interview was you, not Jaceyln. You changed me Riley, I know you thought that Jaceyln warmed my heart to love again but it wasn't her it was you. You inspired me to love again and I did, I loved you and still love you. At night your all I think about, even dream about. I wake up at night calling your name hoping one day you answer back. I dream of the fantasy life you told me we would have, that life almost feels like reality to me. I ache to hear your voice on last time, to stare into your beautiful big brown eyes but I know I cant. Always know Riley no matter what storm comes my way, I will always find my way back to you...

-Love Always,

Caspian

I stuck the note into an envelope and wrote "Riley" on along with her address, I ran down stairs and handed the note to one of the maids and said "Make sure you send this today, it's important." She nodded and I walked back upstairs waiting, waiting for the day she picks up the note and finds her way back to me....