Just Friends?(BWWM)

As She Slips Away

Chapter 3: As She Slips Away

(Caspian's POV)

*Moment's after the funeral*

Today I said goodbye to the woman who raised me for 25 years, I don't know what I am suppose to feel. My ex fiance killed my mom and my girlfriends father, shot me and all my friends and it's mainly my mom's fault for the shooting. Before she died she told me she did what she thought was best for me and she loved me, but all I can think about is how she manipulated me and helped Jaceyln ruin my life for a whole year. I was prepared to be a father to a child that wasn't even mine and nobody has any clue who the real father is and where Jaceyln is at. It amazes me how they can't find a pregnant woman on the run, until she is caught and put to justice none of us feel completely safe.

We all walked away from the burial site in complete silence, no one said anything to each other. I walked to my car and opened the door for Riley, Jasmine and Nadia. Riley's mother had the decency to show up to her ex-husbands funeral, she's been staying with Alex trying to make sure she's okay. She has tried to contact Riley but Riley has just avoided her at all fronts, It hurts to see Riley actually have her mother back while I just lost mine. I lost her in a chaotic situation, I didn't get to say I forgive you or I still love you. My brothers and sisters didn't get to say goodbye either, this whole situation was just unfinished. It started with Jaceyln and It will end with Jaceyln, she will pay for the lives she took.

I got inside the car and started the engine up, Jasmine looked back at Riley who was staring out at the window, Riley finally acknowledged us and said "Can you guys drop me off at the hospital?" I looked in the rear view mirror and asked "Sure why?" She looked down at her watch and said "I just need to go." I nodded my head and tried not to push her into answering me, we drove to the hospital and she hopped out of the car and blankly said "I'll find my own way home.Thanks." Jasmine reached out for her but Riley turned her back to us and walked inside the hospital.

Jasmine looked over me with deep concern and said "I honestly don't know who she is anymore, she is so disconnected and far from her family and friends. Does she not get that we all were there, we all lost something that day? We all need each other and she is hell bent on isolating herself. She's slipping away Caspian." I bit my bottom lip and sighed, I looked at the hospital before driving away and said "We just need to give her what she thinks she needs, if we push her we could loose her. She will eventually go back to the old Riley, she just needs to grieve in her own way. I understand that and I lost her once, I will not leave and loose her again."

(Riley's POV)

I walked into the cold stuffy hospital, and followed the hallways to his room. This is the fourth time I've visited Hayden since the shooting, and I know everyone else is expecting me to open up and be connected again but I feel like he is the only one I could talk to. I walked into the room to see Hayden in the same position he has been, I looked at the monitor and watched his heart beat. I sat down next to him and put my hands in my jacket pockets and said "So today I buried my father. I feel empty, like there is a void that can't be filled even by Caspian. I feel so dark, hateful and bitter, I don't feel like Riley. I also don't feel like being that Riley either, I don't see myself getting back to her. I don't sleep anymore, all I can think about at night is watching you get shot and loosing my father. All I see is red when I close my eyes, I feel like I am stuck in a bottomless pit screaming for help but no one can find me. I don't want to connect anymore, I don't want to value relationships or life because it's so vulnerable and that's something I just can't be right now. I've lost to much, to much has been taken from me for me to be the same again." I wiped the tears from my face and continued "You didn't deserve this Hayden, I should have been the one to take the bullet not you. Not you..."

I kissed his forehead and slowly walked out of the room crying, I wrapped my scarf around my neck and put my hoodie on. I walked out of the hospital and walked outside, it was cold and cloudy out but I didn't care. I walked to a bar that was a couple of streets away, and sat down at the table. The peppy bartender walked over to me and said "Well your looking rough." I laughed and mumbled "You don't know the half of it." She leaned over the table and said "What's troubling you?" I laughed and sighed, and explained "I just buried my father and my boyfriends mother all in the same day because his ex-fiance shot them both, oh and not to mention she shot me, my cousin and my boyfriend."

The bartender's eyes widen and she ran to the hard liquor and pour me a couple of shot glasses, she handed them to me and said "Here you need them, they are on the house love." I nodded my head and said "Thank you." She took a shoot and asked "So why aren't you with your boyfriend?" I downed a shot and said "Because every time I look at him I see what happened, it get's played in my head over and over again. Don't get me wrong I am madly in love with him, but it's hard." The bartender looked at me up and down and said "Do not punish him for something he didn't do, listen here Hun if it's hard it's worth it. He sounds worth it and you will loose him if you push him away, he lost someone too."

I sighed and bit my bottom lip, and downed all the shots and said "Can I get a refill please?" She refilled my shot glasses and I took them all down. I left her a $25 tip and walked out of the bar a little buzzed, I found my way back home after getting lost 3 times. I walked into the elevator and pushed my floor button, I walked into the hallway and past Hayden's apartment. I looked at the door and put my hand on it, a tear dropped down and wiped it off and groaned "I am tired of crying."

I continued to walk into my apartment, I tried to jiggle my keys in the lock but they fell on ground. I slapped my forehead and mumbled "Nice Riley, nice." I heard footsteps and Caspian opened the door shirtless and in his boxers, I walked through the door and asked "Where is Jasmine?" He shrugged his shoulders and said "She wen't out." I dropped the keys on the floor and he walked closer to me and whispered "Riley I am not going to let you slip away." I looked him in the eyes and kissed him, he picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me in the bedroom and shut the door with his foot, I whispered in his ear "I want to feel again." He smiled and continued to kiss me...