Just Friends?(BWWM)

Stitch By Stitch

Chapter 9: Stitch By Stitch 

One Week Later

(Riley's POV)

The therapist looked over at me, while I was starring out the window and asked "So Riley why are you here." I quietly laughed and sarcastically said "I think you know why I am here." The older woman snapped back "That's not what I asked you, I asked you why are you here. From you! I walked over to the chair and sat down, I licked my lips and said "Because I had a psychotic break and I am struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." The woman slammed her notes on the table and firmly said "Answer why you are here." I closed my eyes tightly and yelled "Because the guilt is too much for me to take alone." 

The therapist smiled and said "Now we can take this somewhere, what were you doing before we blacked out." I fidgeted in my seat and reluctantly said "Watching my boyfriend move out." She quietly said "Hmm, and why did he move out?" I looked away and said "Because I am a terrible girlfriend and ignored his own pain because I was too focused on myself. I basically kicked him out." The woman started taking notes and said "Why weren't you able to be vulnerable with him?" I laughed and said " You really are asking the hard stuff huh? I honestly don't know why, I mean he is the love of my life. I've known him since I was in diapers, and he loved me through everything we've been though, but somehow I found a way to ruin it." 

The therapist smiled and firmly said "We will stop here for today, you wasted 30 minuets staring out that ugly window but I will say this... You won't allow yourself to be vulnerable with him because every since the accident you don't feel worthy of anything because of the guilt you carry around. When he walked out it was a trigger for your episode. You had just another thing to feel guilty about, but don't worry we will patch you up stitch by stitch." 

I nodded my head and walked out of the center, I waited outside for Jasmine to pick me up but she texted me that she was running late. I sat down on the side of the road and started to scroll through instagram, I scrolled through fast until something caught my attention. I saw a photo of Caspian and Fiona, with his sister and mine. They were all out bowling and Caspian had his arm around her and she was smiling up at him. An overwhelming about of jealously filled my body but I knew he wouldn't even be out with her if I hadn't pushed him away. I slammed my phone down and burred my face into my hands. 

The sun was setting but I had an uneasy feeling, not anything about Caspian but about me. I felt like someone was starring at me, or watching me in a sense. I know it sounds like I am loosing my mind but I just had this feeling that if I turned around someone would be behind a bush or something. So with the curious self I am, I did. I turned around quickly and I didn't see anything directly behind me but I couldn't shake that feeling. 

I tried to ignore it but I couldn't, luckily Jasmine pulled up snapping me back into sanity and opened the car door for me. I smiled at her and she asked "How did the session go?" I sighed and said "the first half hour I stared out the window but towards the end it became really helpful, she thinks I will be back to normal if I keep coming." Jasmine nodded her head and asked "Did Caspian ever come up?" I laughed and said "of course and she even helped me realize why I have pushed him away. She thinks it's because I have taken on the weight of the accident which made me feel unworthy of being with him I guess." Jasmine titled her head and said "But Caspian isn't even like that, Caspian is the type of guy that will ride with you if you let him. He accepted all of your flaws, he loves you." I looked out the window, put my glasses on and said "if he loves me why didn't he show up to the hospital." 

Jasmine bit her bottom lip and reluctantly said "That's because I told him to stay away for awhile. Don't hate me." I looked over at her raging mad and yelled "Why would you do that?" She look nervous and she blurted out "Because him leaving you triggered your first black out I didn't want you to see him and go ballistic again in a hospital where they can put you with the crazies! You need your space and he needs his time." She shrugged her shoulders and I snapped at her "Time for what? Time to move on from me and fall back in love with Fiona again?" Jasmine bit her bottom lip and said "No.... No that relationship is completely platonic." I rolled my eyes and said "Oh yeah like our relationship was?" Jasmine hit her forehead and said "Well... I just... I thought I was helping you."