Maya longs for stability. But when her mom fails to pay the mortgage on their house, and they lose their home, she moves to the beach town of Destin, Florida, to live with her Aunt Abigail while her mom deals with things back home.
She struggles to...
LAST NIGHT, WHEN I got home, I found Mom watching TV in the living room. She had been waiting for me to get home. Nothing was said between the two of us as I went to my room and dropped in bed, my eyes heavy with sleep.
This morning, my full bladder wakes me, but when I open the door, Mom is fast asleep on the floor, covered by Aunt Abby's blanket. The arm she used as a pillow is moist with tears, and this tightens my insides.
"Mom, wake up," I say, shaking her. "You shouldn't have slept here,"
"Maya, I—"
"I'm going to the bathroom,"
When I'm back in my room, I go to the window and inhale the fresh air. Then, I head downstairs, starving and in the mood for waffles. In the kitchen, Aunt Abby has prepared exactly what I want. She knows me well, but I'm hesitant about eating it, my anger still burning hot. Regardless, my desire to eat is stronger, so I grab the plate, settle on the sofa and start shoving food in my mouth.
Mom is on the island, still in last night's clothes, with her hair in a mess. She's sipping hot coffee, joining Aunt Abby in watching me eat. My back is to them, but I can feel their eyes on me. Once I'm finished, my plate washed and all, I look Mom straight in the eyes and ask, "Why didn't you tell me you and Dad were divorced?"
"I didn't want to take that precious smile away from your face. I didn't want you to see me or your father as failures for not being strong enough to overcome our difficulties and staying together. It would have killed me to see you hurt, especially from me. I'm sorry, baby,"
A tear drops my eye as I nod, my lips trembling, "I...forgive you,"
Mom cries into her hand. Then, she comes over to me, encasing me in a hug, "Come, let's go outside,"
We settle on the front door porch, the ground cold against the thin fabric of my pyjama shorts. A light breeze blows as the birds sing between the maple trees. She brushes clumps of my messy hair out of my face and kisses my forehead. She wipes my tears with her thumb, and I do the same to her until we both stop crying.
"I gave Dad my locket,"
"Why?"
"I thought he needed to get by. He seemed like he's really been going through it,"
"Yeah," Mom sighs. "It's been a while since I've spoken to him. Your Aunt would know. It seems he's been coming here every few months to get her help. Besides, even if something really is going on between them, it's the least of my worries right now,"
"Do you still love him?"
"I do. Divorce never really takes that away,"
"Does he still love me?"
"Despite everything, you must know that your father truly loves you. He has his wrongs, and he's made his mistakes, but you have and always will be loved by him,"
Hearing her say that reaffirms what I already knew in my heart. Dad might be a liar or have his priorities elsewhere, but he always managed to make the world a safe place for me. He never made me feel less than I am, and he constantly made me feel loved.
"I'm sorry you had to find out about your father this way," she takes my hand and starts rubbing circles at the back. "I was waiting for the right time to tell you, but I don't think the right time was ever gonna come,"
"It's alright. We'll move on, we'll live,"
"I admit, my situation with your father warranted my objection to your dating. And me not telling you the truth about what's actually been going on is all because I wanted to protect you. I haven't accepted the fact that you're all grown up, you'll obviously start liking boys and that it's important for you to know these things,"
"It's fine. It doesn't even matter anymore now that Rick and I are no longer together,"
"Abigail told me everything,"
"What? Like, what he did?"
"Yep. I was honestly furious, but honestly, I want to hear it from you. How do you feel about him?"
"Me? I..." I take a moment, the memories of Rick and I rushing so fast into my brain. "I'm in love with him, Mom. It's crazy, I know," I admit, chuckling at myself. "But loving him feels warm and cozy, like climbing into a warm bed on a cold night. I feel like I'm always home no matter where he happens to be,"
"Even after what he did?"
"Yes, even after that. It's insane to me, but not insane at the same time? I mean, Rick has never hurt me besides this. I always felt like he was being real with me even when he couldn't express his feelings, and I think that's something you cannot hide. It's just, finding out about the dare made me question everything. But he said something to me that made me realise that he regrets what he's done and never really meant for it to happen,"
"What did he say?"
"Both in his letter to me and in person, he really only wants my forgiveness. He's not looking to get back together because he thinks he doesn't deserve me."
Rick admitting that hurt something in me because somewhere deep inside, I believed that he did deserve me. He had started our relationship on the basis of a lie, and I acknowledge that it was wrong. It made me question a lot of things about his character, and it made me question myself. When I thought about our relationship, I kept going back to those moments of openness and vulnerability between us. The unconscious display of affection and the sparks in our kisses. All of these were things that are difficult to fake.
I would've noticed from the beginning if things weren't right, and truthfully, they felt a bit off, but then Rick changed. He melted into this person full and whole of affection. My heart felt it, and my gut felt it, and those two things are never wrong.
"So?"
"I truly believe that he does love me,"
She tightens her grip on my hand, "Trust is something that takes time to build. If he's apologized, taken responsibility, and you know he's good, I think you'll be just fine,"
"Thanks, mom,"
"I love you more than words can express, Maya. You are my baby girl, and you always will be. You are the daughter of a very overprotective mom who doesn't want you to get hurt. It doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy. It just means I want very in-depth and well-detailed explanations about the boy who's dating my daughter"
A giggle bubbles out of me.
"And honestly, I'm still mad that you got a boyfriend and you didn't tell me,"
"Alright, from now on, you'll get a whole presentation. Will that work for you?"
"Perfect," she laughs.
"Mom?"
"Yes, sweetie,"
"What about you and Aunt Abby?"
She stands up, dusts her jeans, and then pulls me up. "We're sisters, we'll be just fine,"
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