It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Chapter 6

The whole flight all he did was to scroll twitter and instagram reading anything and everything about him written there, he knew it's a bad idea but he couldn't stop himself. He didn't realize how much time went until he heard the announcement been made, 2 hours, he scrolled for 2 hours straight.

He covered his face with a cap and went out trying his best to avoid getting recognised, that's the last thing he would want right now. He was glad that he chose an early morning flight, there wasn't much rush.

He reached home by 6 am and the first thing he did was to clean his hands and take his daughter in his arms. A fresh wave of tears made their way back and this time he couldn't hold it back, she was so tiny and soft.

He hugged her with all the protectiveness, tightly yet carefully, afraid that he might break the poor little being in his arms. "I am sorry" he whispered quietly, trying to keep his voice, he didn't want to break her peaceful slumber.

"She is so small" he whispered, tears flowing like river from his eyes. "She is barely a month old, of course she is" he flinched and held his princess close to his chest in a protective manner not expecting anyone else to be here except the three of them.

He turned back and relaxed immediately, it was Riva. He placed her down on the bed gently and quickly went to his wife and helped her to sit down on the bed, adjusting the pillows making sure she is comfortable.

"How are you?" he asked while sitting beside her, "Better, what about you?" She asked back even though she can sense that something is wrong and KNEW he won't ever accept that.

She saw him hesitating so she took his hands between hers and gave it a gentle squeeze "It's okay, win and loss are the part of the game" she said comfortingly, she knew it must have affected him AND the team a lot, losing a final... is a lot. He nodded kissing her forehead
"Take rest" he said before getting up and going towards his bag. "Let me-" she tried getting up to help him, "I will get everything done don't worry, don't move much hmm?" he said making her sit back down. "I am okay, ra-" she tried to protest again, "But you're still in the recovery phase, so take rest" he commanded before grabbing his bags and getting his things sorted out. By the time he is done even Reva fell asleep, he couldn't help but smile at the scene at the same questioning if he even deserves it.

He gave the sleeping duo one last look before going inside the bathroom to take a bath, he can't really sleep beside a newborn in his travelling clothes. He wore a pair of clothes before lying down on the bed where his wife and daughter were sleeping, his solace.
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It's been a week since he was back home, all the while he mostly kept himself locked or either played or more precisely stared at nidhi thinking if she was born somewhere else she might have been safe, more happy, she deserves someone who can protect her, someone... someone better.

He made sure his phone is always on silent so he can ignore the calls he is getting from the teams, he is just not yet ready to face and he doubted if ever would be.

"Ravi?" he heard a knock on the door again, 6th time since the morning but he still can't get himself up to open the door, he felt too drained out to even move.
"Hey, open the door" he heard her worried voice and something twisted inside him, he is burdening yet another person.

"Leave me alone please" he said trying to keep his voice normal and strong, he didn't want to worry her more. "No, I won't. Open the door and eat something you haven't eaten since yesterday" she said stubbornly, of course she is his wife, it's nit like he didn't wanted to give in he knew what he is doing us wrong but reading the threats and everything going about his family on social media us scaring him.

What if something happened to them?
What if they got hurt because of him?
What if they actually got a hold on huts daught-
He shivered even at the thought of that, he would prefer to kill himself before anything happened to his... his solace.

"I am not hun-gry" he said his voice wavering a little, it's happening again, he is falling weak again, he can't, he is not weak, he is not weak, he is not-... "Ravi please" he heard her pleading voice making the knot tighten, the lump in his throat forming back. "JUST GO AWAY!" he yelled, he grabbed the pillow and buried his head, regretting it instantly, she is just trying to take care of him and here he is being dick to him.

She flinched back at the harsh tone but before she could say anything further she heard nidhi crying, she is having a little stomach ache since yesterday night, so she quietly went from there but not before giving a last worried glance at the door.

"Fuck!" He yelled in anger punching the wall, angry at himself for yelling at her, she is already working hard to manage everything and everyone and instead of helping her he is increasing it, making the situation worse for her. For fuck sake she just gave birth to their daughter and he is not even letting her rest, instead all he is doing is increasing her work and stress during the time she should be resting.

He heaved a sigh before forcing himself up from the bed. He went and saw her sitting on the sofa in the drawing room and his guilt instantly doubled looking at her tired figure and black eyes, like she hadn't gotten any proper sleep.

"Finally" she smiled when she saw him, "Just wait for a few minutes, she is almost asleep then I will get your food ready" she said still rocking the small bundle in her arms.

"I am sorry" he said sitting on the floor near her legs, the knot was back this time double with guilt, disappointment and anger... anger at himself for being such a burden.

"Ra-"

"No no, I am really sorry for not helping you, instead I am increasing your work load" he said quietly, not wanting to disturb the almost sleeping baby.
" Hey Ravi look at me..." She said her one hand holding the baby safely while the other on his cheeks to make him look at her "You're not a burden, you're just sad and need some space I guess and that's completely okay with... Really! I am just worried about your health you had not been eating or sleeping since you came back, please take care of yourself if not for yourself for her... for me, please?" A tear escaped his eyes without his will but none of them mentioned it, he nodded "I will, I am sorry" he said, at least he can try for them, he can't make them suffer in his misery too.

She put the baby safely in her cot before signing him to follow him silently out of the room, it took her long enough to make her fall sleep and she is definitely not in for another crying session.

"You okay?" He asked once they were out of the room, "Yeah she had a little stomach ache yesterday night, now she is completely fine thou" she smiled and made him sit on the dinning table before reheating the food.

She served his plate and sat on a chair beside him, "You?" he asked when he saw only one plate. "Well even if I want to do fasting with you I really can't because I had to feed her so I had to have my meals on time" she said serving more on his plate against all the protests.

"I hope you know that you're crazy" he said trying to distract himself, he is trying to eat but he is not hungry, he felt so queasy but he can't let her know, he didn't wanted to increase her stress.

"I married that proves your point" she said sarcastically making him chuckle, she just knew his to lift his mood.

His solace.

A/N-

Ik not a great chapter please just think of it has a filler chapter, there will be few mire chapters like I hope you guys don't get bored out 🥲

If you guys have any ideas please let me know XD

Also don't be silent reader guys :')