It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Chapter 4

He can feels everyone's eyes on him while boarding making him sqirum at his place uncomfortably but he pretended to ignore it at went to his seat and to add more to his misery mahi bhai was his seat mate.

He closed his eyes pretending to be asleep when he saw him approaching his seat even thou he knew he will catch him in seconds.

"Stop pretending, you're really bad in it" as expected he caught him within seconds "Jad-" he tried for the nth time and again "Not now.... please" he cut him off for the nth time.

"Sleep" he sighed defeated, "Please don't blame yourself for everything okay?" he said even after knowing very well that the damage was done, and he supposed to be logical one?

The flight was little more lively maybe they were trying to pretend within themselves that everything is fine, they are okay. Not very logical but logic and ict don't go together.

It was longest and shortest flight he ever sat in, didn't made any sense? His brain wasn't making any sense to him anymore either.

He prayed for the flight to land soon and when it did he wished it was little longer, he wasn't prepared to go through another crowd yet, nothing can prepare him to go throu that again he will surely have a break down at thia point.

Everyone went out slowly and he can feel like it's nit only him but others aren't prepared either, he couldn't help but think if he had taken that run maybe the situation would been different, contrast of now and again it wasn't logically possible but has said ict and logic hate eachother.

He decided to stay at the last again almost having a mental breakdown while making mahi bhai agree to leave him alone and he will follow after a while but this time his tactic failed if not mahi bhai then yuvi pa decided to stick to him, who went all the way back to him ignoring the protests of security guard and put an arm around his shoulder dragging him with himself "Stop there on whatever you are trying to do" he said and made him walk with him.

They all get into the bus as quickly as they can while trying to be out from the eyes of media. He was again walking alone in the last but this time he was not alone atleast and he was so so glad for that when he heard people shouting, calling him fixer, cheater, self centered, selfish and God knows what not.

He wanted to scream back tell them to stop, cry out loud but he can't, that's not him, he is not weak.

Yuvi tried to be quick and get him to bus but to their bad luck people's were getting too loud and he can feel jaddu stiffening beside him.

Ms looked back and saw jadeja getting paler with every passing seconds. He wanted to go back but the police won't let them come out again.

Virat frowned and turned back, they were in the bus. He mentally cursed himself for not checking on him earlier and looked at MS and Rohit who had the same expression as him.

Yuvi tried to distract him from the abuse people were throwing at them or we can say particularly at him but that doesn't seems to work, he can feel him shivering so he took the matter in his hands and practically dragged themselves to the bus as quick as he can. Jad stumbled on the steps but ms caught him and quickly ushered them in.

His knees buckled as soon as he was inside the bus while virat locked the door after yuvraj he looked at ms who was holding jaddu, he was pale, sweating like hell and shaking making all of them worried.

"Jad?" Ms tried holding his shivering frame has close to him has possible trying to ground him. "I-I a-am sorr-y I d-didnt d-id it p-urpo-sely" he shuddered, breathing heavily. "Calm down baacha. Everything is okay" he rubbed his back trying to make him match his breathing pattern.

Bus started wheeling but none of them moved to sit on their seats while ms was still sitting down holding jad trying to calm him down.

He snuggled more into his comfort zone, his Bhai's arm taking deep breaths has he being instructed to do. "S-sorry" he mumbled when he was finally able to suck some oxygen in his lungs he tried to get away feeling embarrassed but ms tightened his hold before realising it slowly just for him to sit a but comfortably.

Ms looked at him waiting for an explanation and he knew had to do something or he won't let him leave it down until he gets a satisfying answer "It's just- felt..." he tried explaining but was quickly at loss of words "Too overwhelming?" Rohit chimed in from his seat where he was still standing looking at them, "Too much" he mumbled embarrassed looking wanting the ground to swallow him.

"You know it's okay to be overwhelmed sometimes, it's a basic human emotion" ms said with so much tenderness in his voice that he almost cried, it was too much, too many emotions for him. "It was a genuine mistake Bhai" he whispered slowly if he wasn't holding him close he would have definitely missed it.

"I know bacha I know and these people will understand that soon" he said in a firm voice trying to get his words from his fogged mind, "Will they?" he asked and ms swear that was most vulnerable look he had ever seen in his eyes. "Even if they don't it doesn't matter" now how can he tell him for him it does matter, atleast to him and he knew better then to voice out his words so he just nodded.

He tried getting up but as soon as he was on his feet he stumbled feeling light headed but rohit held him preventing to fall "Slow down" he said and again he just nodded before grabbing a isolated seat trying to keep his steps steady while walking, maybe he should have eaten something.

He quietly took the last seat, wanting avoid everyone, become invisible or better just jump out of the window.

He was mentally praying for everyone to mind their own business or just fucking ignore him, somehow this care is making his guilt double up.

There was again silence around them and he knew it was because of him, he made them uncomfortable by whatever the fuck happened to him few minutes ago. Why can't he just stop being burden to them? They have enough on their plate.

Ms sat beside him he studied his face for few minutes while heart raced trying to keep face as neutral as possible hiding his trembling hands in the pocket of his jacket, he felt like breaking the window and just jump out of it.

"It's not your fault jad" he sighed when he saw him struggling to not to give away anything with his face,
"People are over exerting it, we lost the match even before that run out mish up" he continued trying to explain "Don't blame yourself" he ended while patting his head and he almost melted away again but he composed himself and wiggled out, "I am okay" he said but his voice gives away the fact that he was not, he was definitely okay, he mentally kicked himself for the slip, deep inside he knew he was lying but who was he lying too? Himself? Or his mahi bhai?

"Sleep" he heard him say making him realize he zoned out again, he felt him gently running his hands throu his dirty hairs but none of them seems to care about that while the gentleness forced him to let his eyes slip close and he finally got his first sleep after.... that crime he committed.

A/N-

Next update might be quiet late, I will be busy next few days so I updated today ^^

Also please make sure to comment it motivates me to write, knowing people are actually liking it 🫠🤌