It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Chapter 13

Sorry boring chapter ahead ofc not the one you guys expected after such a long wait I am really sorry.

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After 2 days of complete bed rest he was finally declared recovered and it was his worst and best 2 days together all together, doesn't make any sense? His brain doesn't make sense to himself either anymore.

He had to force himself to complete his meal and wait for bhai to go out somehow just for few minutes so he can throw it up, he stomached one or two meals thou and that's one of the reason he kind of recovered, he still felt quiet weak but he can't let anyone know that he had annoyed them enough.

All though past two days was also best because he didn't felt lonely even thou he had urge to check his phone everytime but he couldn't risk getting caught, he didnt want to look like an attention seeker. He even sneakily had his sleeping pills so he could sleep few hours in night and not worry him more than he already did.

"Are you sure you can go for practice?" Mahi bhai asked for the nth time in the morning while jaddu was getting ready to go for a practice with team today.

"Ofcourse bhai I had already missed two days" he smiled, he was already being benched for so long and skipping more practice will only make it worse for him, he didn't wanted to get dropped again, he is scared it will only mane things worst for him but ofcourse he won't talk about this to anyone.

"Okay but take it easy and also I am coming with you guys" mahi bhai said, he would have been happy if he didn't knew why he wants to come with them.

"That's great!" He tried to sound as excited as he can, he knew he was joining them just to keep a check on him.

Soon the team reached for the last practice session before the match, he was again going to be benched throughout this series too but that doesn't mean he can skip practice, he will keep practicing, maybe he will get a chance again.... Someday? Which he highly dobut himself.

He was batting in the nets practicing hard when he suddenly felt his vision blackout for a second making him stumble back, Bhuvi who was bowling to him immediately ran to him and helped him to sit down.

Jaddu didn't prostrate as he was feeling really light headed.

"Are you okay?" Bhuvi asked worried. Others watching the commission came running to them "Jad? You okay?" Virat asked running and sat on the other side holding his back "Dizzy" he mumbled trying to get his vision focused a little.

Mahi bhai and rishab who were on the other side of the ground practicing came there running. He quickly sat in front of him trying to check in his temperature which was almost normal, he concluded it just might be because of heat and weakness but that doesn't make it less concerning to him thou.

Virat and Rohit helped him up and got him settled on the couch in the dressing room and if he is being Frank he can't even remember how he walked here because his brain literally feels like it's under water.

Water few minutes when his body actually cooled down a little he drank a bit of water offered by Rohit just then he realised everyone came behind them to the dressing room. He looked down guilty, not only he is wasting his time but others too.

"I am sorry guys" he looked at them giving them a apologetic look, he saw Bhuvi pinching hardik by the corner of his eyes but ignored it he knew he was about to say something but he hused him.

"You don't have to be sorry jad we were worried about you" Rohit explained his tone so gentle it almost felt like he was talking to Sammy he couldn't help but hear the mocking voice in the back of his mind.

He nodded before looking at them and giving a reassuring smile. "You guys should continue practice" he said and before they could protest "We have a match in two days you guys need to practice and I am fine I will just sit here and rest" he continued, everyone still looked reculent but agreed nevertheless when the coach interfered.

Well everyone agreed except Mahi bhai so he actually had to force mahi bhai to go out and help rishab like he was doing before his stupid body decided to act up. He can't spoil others practice also rishab still needs a lot of guidance.

So now finally after sending everyone back to their practice he looked at them through the window.

Can't he just be quiet one day? Without annoying others?

He didn't realize when he zoned out, heck he didn't even know how long he had zoned out until he heard the door slam open loudly.

Hardik came inside all sweaty and panting, he looked at him and huffed rolling his eyes and went towards his kit.

He shifted uncomfortably at his place not knowing if he should say something or not. Taking a deep breath he tried to motivate himself 'Now or never'.

"Ha-hardik?" He stumbled and mentally kicks himself. Hardik hmm in response still looking for something in his kit.

"When are you going to forgive me?" he asked stupidly, he got up with a ball in his hand and looked at him straight in his eyes, jad quickly hide his fist in his pocket his breath hitching in anticipation, he digs his nails in his palms trying not to do something stupid.

After staring at him for a few minutes he shook his head and started walking towards the door but before he could stop him he turned back "The day you stop being selfish, we play for the country not for personal milestones" he said and went out, the words sting, harder than he expected, he heard and read this same thing everywhere and everyday but listening to it from someone so close hit harder.

His chest tightens but he tried his best to not be given in any fact that he was getting into a panic attack. He clutched his chest trying to punch in some oxygen in his lungs, in the end he gave up and waited for it to go away on his own while he tried to suck at least some breaths so as not to pass out.

By the time practice ended all he wanted was to go back to his room and cry his heart out, he was so damn exhausted.

A/N-

I am really sorry for not posting anything for so long it's just my life is being kinda bitch to me and I uh just had break up and it was well actually messy so I might need quite a little time but I am getting back to thus book now!!