Dazai x Reader ONESHOTS

Barista.

     For the past five years, you've worked as a barista at Cafe Uzumaki, the cafe under the Armed Detective Agency. You became friends with the entire Agency, learning more about them with their daily visits and conversations. However, two years ago, your work started to slip. It all started when he walked into the cafe.

You were making a drink for Kunikida, the order you memorized due to it being the only thing he ever ordered. Something about his schedule. However, he came five in minutes late and he was even more stiff than usual. He was clearly irritated and tired.

"Are you okay, Mr. Kunikida?" you asked, handing him his drink, which was a tad cold because of your expectation to see him at one o'clock on the dot. "You're late." He grumbled incoherently to himself before speaking up.

"We have a new coworker..." You tilted your head.

"Shouldn't you be happy? I mean, you were excited when Kenji joined the Agency..." Kunikida's grip on his coffee cup tightened. You saw his knuckles turn white because of the force.

"That's because he actually has a good work ethic. This new moron is lazy, and doesn't have the least respect for those around him," he ranted, his eyebrows furrowing. "He's constantly interrupting my schedule, and I was late because of that maniac!" Suddenly, the bell rung. You looked at the door, and now anything Kunikida said was in one ear and out of the other as you felt your cheeks redden.

The man who walked through was handsome.

Your gaze went to the table as you pretended to pay attention to Kunikida's complaints, giving the occasional nod.

"Are you even listening to me?!" His voice boomed, causing you to jump.

"Oh- sorry! Just, new customer..." you mumbled, looking back up to see the man looking around the cozy cafe with a charming smile. Kunikida followed your gaze, then groaned in frustration.

"That's him..." Kunikida pinched the bridge of his nose. You widened your eyes in surprise.

"Really?" you whispered. Kunikida nodded with a grimace. Eventually, he moved over to the counter. You introduced yourself as you always did, saying hello, your name, and what he'd like to order.

"Black tea, lots of sugar please!" he asked. You smiled and nodded, trying to appear confident as you went to work on making his tea. You hummed a small tune as you gently placed a small bowl of sugar cubes in front of the man while waiting for the tea to brew. However, your small tune came to a halt when you saw bickering. The new Agency member only laughed as Kunikida raised his voice, threatening to choke him. You froze and turned to a waitress, who seemed equally as concerned. She shrugged.

Where was the owner when you needed him?

You both decided to simply ignore the situation and finished the tea, hoping for it to die down. You came quickly with the teacup, coughing loudly to grab the men's attention, as they were still somehow fighting. They both stopped in their tracks, immediately looking at you.

"Your tea," you said. The man's eyes lit up.

"Thank you!" he exclaimed. You could only smile in return, certain you would make a fool of yourself if you tried to speak. "I'm Dazai, the new member Kunikida must've been talking about."

"What-? How do you know I-"

"I was told the Agency comes here often!" he said, completely ignoring Kunikida's confusion he caused. You nodded with a small laugh, taking the bowl of sugar cubes off the table once Dazai was done with them.

"Yeah, it's an everyday thing," you replied, somehow able to not trip over your words. "It's great to meet you, Dazai."

_____

     It's been a few months since Dazai joined the Detective Agency, and it's been a ride to say the least. His shenanigans were something you always looked forward to, and he never failed to make you laugh or entertain you, especially with the game he created of seeing which Agency member could guess the past job of everyone correctly. It was interesting seeing the cash reward for guessing right quickly increase, but odd seeing Dazai guess correctly every time.

You gave a few guesses one day, and gave up since then. You leaned against the counter with your arms crossed, observing the game for the day.

"Hm...were you a teacher?" Kenji asked. Dazai laughed.

"I'm not Kunikida, silly!"

"Bartender?" Yosano said, rather uncertainly. "You seem to have some good knowledge on alcohol."

"Nope!"

"Café worker?" the owner of the restaurant joked.

"Sadly, no," Dazai replied with playful sarcasm.

"Author?" Tanizaki asked. Dazai made the sound of a buzzer with his mouth while grinning.

"Wrong!"

Tanizaki sighed, defeated. You laughed, which caught Dazai's attention.

"What, do you have a guess?" he asked, an amused look on his face.

"Oh, no!" you exclaimed. "If everyone here isn't getting it right, no way I will."

"You're no fun." Dazai pouted jokingly. You groaned.

"Fine..." You put your pointer finger to your chin, thinking of a joke to get the man to stop looking at you so strangely. "I bet you were some kind of criminal!" Dazai's face slightly faltered before becoming jokey again, an action that you barely noticed, but chose not to question.

"How could you be so harsh?!"

_____

     Another year went by, and one day, Dazai came in even later than usual, this time with a boy by his side. Tilting your head to one side, you smiled softly. Dazai rushed himself and the boy to the counter where you stood, waiting for an introduction.

"Hey!" Dazai said, a bit out of breath. "This is Atsushi Nakajima, a new member of the Detective Agency!" The boy named Atsushi smiled and waved his hand in a charmingly awkward manner.

"It's nice to meet you, Atsushi! Would you like anything to drink, anything to eat?"

"Oh- no thank you!" he replied, harshly shaking his head no. You nodded in understanding. You saw Dazai bring Atsushi to a booth, sitting him down next to Tanizaki and Naomi. He rushed back to you.

"What has you out of breath?" You set your elbows on the counter. Dazai smiled.

"Nothing important," he said. "Can I get my order to go?" You smiled and started to make his order, grabbing a cup.

"What? Scared of being late?" Dazai chuckled.

"This is one of the times I have something important to do," he explained. "Kunikida sadly won't show Atsushi the way things work, so I'm stuck with a more strict schedule for a bit until I can convince him..."

"Sounds interesting." You gave Dazai the cup.

"Have fun showing Atsushi the ropes!" you said, oddly rushing to the other side of the café. Dazai raised an eyebrow before shrugging and turning toward the door. He looked down at his cup to take a sip, but found a small post it note on the lid.

Call me! <3
xxx-xxx-xxxx